A story of love, loss and life - Trifecta - lesbian sex

[rajkumari]

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but this is very unlike you to drop a topic so easily." I said, keeping my face to the work instead of looking back at Alex.

"It's not really worth arguing over, is it? I can't force you to do anything and I can't say anything against the choices you've made. It's a little disappointing on my end since I was really looking forward to reading it, but arguing about it wouldn't get me anywhere." Alex sounded genuinely disappointed as she explained herself. I wondered how much Lilah had disclosed to Alex despite my warning against spreading any information at all. Still, I could at least give Alex something to chew on if she really wanted it that bad, couldn't I?

"Maybe I could let you read some of the manuscript if you're that curious. Just a little bit though. A few pages." I looked over my shoulder for a second, just to see her reaction before I started painting again. It was worth the peek though, I saw her face light up and that made me feel pretty good about myself for no particular reason.

"Really? That would be amazing!" Alex said, clearly enthused.

"Yeah, why not. What harm could it do?" I frowned though. What harm could it do? Well, what if she hated it? Worse, what if she loved it? Then she would ask me to finish it and that was one thing I would not do.

My hand stopped it's up and down motion as these things sunk in. I began to regret offering Alex the chance to read the manuscript immediately. I knew from firsthand experience how convincing she could be when she really wanted something, but I wouldn't let her bully me here.

"There's just one thing." I said.

"What's that?" Alex replied without turning, she had begun to hum a happy little tune as she worked. It was the exact opposite of the stormy battle going on in my corner of the hallway.

"This is one of those 'what you see is what you get' situations. I don't want to argue about it either. Are we copacetic?"

Alex threw me a grin, "Sure thing. I'm just happy you trust me with this, I get that it's a big deal."

I opened my mouth to tell her how much more this was than simply a big deal, but closed my trap after a moment of consideration. Why was I trying to pick a fight with Alex all of a sudden? All she did was ask about the stupid book, you didn't have to tell her anything if you didn't want to. I huffed out my disdain at the raging internal conflict that kept sparking up and tried to set my mind back to work.

Alex seemed to sense my issues. She didn't press anything about the manuscript or even try to press conversation. She let me have my space and continued to be friendly, without the overbearing nature that I could expect from other people. I was thankful for that at least. It got real annoying when no one let you work things out on your own.

Alex threw her back against the wall with a sigh and let gravity help her slid down to the carpet. "Well, what do you say we call this a day? We can get Bobby and Laura to come over tomorrow and help us finish up."

"I didn't think anyone was coming over tomorrow." I replied and threw my roller in the tray.

Alex picked at a dried piece of paint on the knee of her ratty old jeans and shrugged, "It wasn't exactly planned, but I'm sure I can make it happen so we can be done with this hallway."

"I would like to be done with this place altogether. I'm still mind boggled at how much there is to be done."

"Well I'm trying to take care of what I can so as fast as possible."

"Yeah, yeah." I said and brushed her off with a wave of my hand. "Call 'em, I'll be glad to have the extra help."

"Nice to see you so willing to admit the need for help." Alex replied in utter innocence.

I furrowed my brow and stared back, "Like you were ever any better miss independent."

Alex's knowing smile needed no comeback. She knew who she was and owned it. She wasn't going to apologize or make excuses. I envied that confidence in her now as much as I did way back when we were kids. Her level of bravado was bordering cocky of course, but that was just one more thing that made Alex wonderful and unique.

"How about I clean up all of this and you go order us some grub?" I said, already getting up to retrieve Alex's paint tray.

"Chinese?" she asked, still sitting against the wall.

"Whatever you want." I replied and went on my merry way of cleaning out the tins and brushes for tomorrow's use. Despite what I had said about wanting to be done quickly, I was actually enjoying this process for the most part. It continued to be hard physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally in my case, but the payoff was nice when I got to see the result of all my hard work.

Besides that though, it felt nice to live the simple life. I didn't wake up thinking of contracts, deadlines and expectations every day and I didn't feel like the weight of the world was balancing precariously on my shoulders. It was probably one reason why I had such a hard time just letting Alex read my manuscript, I was afraid of all that flooding back overnight.

On the flip side though, Alex was really my first editor. She was the first person to read the creations I made outside of school work, the first person to really understand what I was doing with it and the first to tell me how much potential I had. In many ways, having Alex go through the manuscript might be good for me-therapeutic even.

After cleaning out the brushes I changed out of my paint covered overalls and jumped in the shower. The warm water felt good on my overworked muscles, but more than anything, the shower was a great place to filter through the thoughts that had been plaguing me all day. Although I didn't really want to, I decided that I would find the manuscript for Alex tonight, there was no way I would go back on my word now.

All of my things had come in from storage and so it was just a matter of finding the right box in the mess of things. That was something I wasn't looking forward to for a variety of reasons, but mostly just because it was bound to be tedious as hell. Although, the more I thought about it, I realized I could probably get Alex to help me go through some of it-she wanted to read the damn book after all.

***

"It's a good thing Bobby and Laura are coming over today," Alex remarked, lazily painting up and down, "I figured I would go crazy if I had to go through another day with just you for company."

I could hear the smirk in her voice but it didn't stop me from standing up to incite my retaliation. "Well I sure hope they show up soon, because I don't know how much longer I can stand your ass." I joked and smeared paint on the back of Alex's shirt with my brush.

"Oh, you're gonnna play it like that huh?" she replied, a mischievous grin spreading quickly across her face. Alex picked up a handful of paint and slung it at me. It landed across my chest with a wet thump before running down my front in narrow paint waterfalls.

"It is on now!" I announced and reached for the open paint can beside me. A hand came down on top of mine and stopped me before I could though. My head whipped up, aggressively questioning why anyone would stop me from drenching Alex in a gallon of paint.

Pockets met my angry glare with smile. "We've really worked hard in here, don't ruin everything please." She said and tapped my hand for good measure.

"I was just finishing what she started." I said pointing an accusing finger at Alex.

"I started? You were the one that wanted to fling paint around." Alex scoffed.

Bobby raised his hands and walked between us, "Children, stop it. Your mother and I can't handle anymore."

"Stop trying to play mediator and grab a paint brush already." Alex said and flung a brush at his feet.

"I would love to help you guys, but I actually have prior engagements"

"Oh yeah? Like what?" I asked, sarcastically rolling my eyes. Figures Bobby would skip out on us last minute.

"I'm visiting my sister today."

The room went somber. "Oh." I said quietly and looked down. "Oh."

"Any other time I would." He said as if he felt the need to justify his actions.

"Wait a minute Bobby." I reached out for his arm before he could walk away. "Can I come with you?" It wasn't something I thought out or decided it was simply a whim to see the thing I had run away from before-to see Lilah again.

He shrugged, "Sure."

I nodded and dropped my paintbrush in Alex's tray as I passed her. I noticed her smile drop as I passed by but it didn't really register to me in the moment. I completely pushed everything out of my mind and followed Bobby out to his truck instead.

There were no expectations of what would be waiting for me when I got there. I didn't imagine what her grave would look like, or what her tombstone would be etched with. I was scared to death about seeing Lilah though-even if I didn't say it out loud.

Bobby didn't press me with conversation during the ride over to the cemetery, but I did catch him glancing at me with concern every few minutes. Despite the growing fear beginning to gnaw at my insides, I smiled warmly at Bobby. It was nice to have some semblance of an older sibling in my life, and Bobby had filled that out nicely since Lilah and I became a thing-maybe even before then.

"You gonna be all right?" He asked with a raise of his brow before exiting the old truck.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine."

My words came out strong but as soon as my feet hit the ground and we began to walk through the cemetery I felt that strength inside me begin to crumble. I was definitely not okay or fine, but I was going to put on the face like I would be. This was something that I had to do finally.

"Dammit I forgot something in the truck." He sighed and shook his head. "It's just right up there if you want to go ahead without me, I'll be right back." Bobby said and turned on his heel to head back where he had come from.

I took a deep breath and approached the grave by myself. It was simple, just a marble tombstone that loomed over the plot. Three lines stood out on the stone just above an etching of a lily flower.

Delilah Anne Weber

1982 - 2006

An Angel on Earth

I nodded in agreement at the sentiment written on the tomb. If Lilah was anything, it was an angel. Suddenly it didn't feel weird to be here at all, it felt very long overdue. I put my hand on the cold marble and sunk to my knees.

There was a desire inside me to talk to the hunk of rock with Lilah's name on it. It seemed silly really, something that you would see in some drama or romance film, but I felt compelled to say something to it. Or rather, to say something to Lilah.

"I'm sorry." I started finally, bowing my head and closing my eyes so I didn't feel so weird. I kept my hand on the rock though, like it was somehow channeling my voice to reach her in the beyond. "For everything-Alex, breaking my promise, all of it. I'm sorry for running away. I just feel so lost again. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I feel so hopeless, without you around."

Without really thinking I scooted closer to Lilah's headstone and rested my other hand at the base of it. "I have no idea if I'm supposed to move on from you, and even if I am I have no idea how I'm ever supposed to get over you." The first tear began to run down my face slowly, and I knew more were soon to follow.

"I can't keep living like this though. I'm torn up inside every day about how I'm ever supposed to go on. What's the next step after you Lilah? Will you please tell me before I go insane?" That's the point that I really broke. My voice choked on the last word that left my lips and my breath began to come in hitching gasps.

I sobbed next to her grave for what felt like an eternity, and then I felt a big, warm hand on my shoulder. I reached up to touch that comforting gesture that Bobby had offered me but didn't move otherwise. I took in deep, steady breaths until I had regained control of my emotions and then wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

"I'm okay." I muttered and stood up. We both kind of just lingered there staring at Lilah's tombstone, and then Bobby said something unexpected.

"I was never really nice to her. Not really." Bobby shook his head in remorse. "I always figured we would have time to work things out when we grew up but I couldn't ever see her as an adult. And then time ran out. It never happened like I expected it to." He looked at me solemnly now. "It almost never works out like you think it will, you feel me?"

I knew exactly what he meant by that. "Yeah, I feel ya."

"Do you want a couple more minutes? I can wait for you in the truck if you'd like. I really just came by to drop off the flowers before I pick Jackson up from preschool." Bobby offered, holding up the bouquet that he had gone to fetch in the first place. "I do it every week."

"Sure." I said with a nod, "That would be nice."

"Okay. Take your time Marley." He said and laid the flowers across Lilah's grave before heading off along the grassy walkway once more.

I waited until Bobby had completely disappeared before hunkering down in front of the tombstone again. "It shouldn't have taken me so long to visit." I muttered. "I'm sorry 'bout that too. Cemeteries have always creeped kind of me out." My voice faltered there and I wasn't sure what I should say next. Not having the words immediately, I opted to just sit there silently and commune with Lilah's presence.

My mind began to float to the pages of the manuscript that I was sure Alex was diving into since I wasn't there. I began to chuckle out of nowhere at the change in my thought process. If someone happened to pass by me in the last few moments they would probably think that I suffered a mental breakdown at the way the chuckles were bubbling up in me so abruptly.

"God, I'm random." I said, letting my laughter taper off into giggles. I rested my head on the cool marble of Lilah's tombstone and sighed. "I bet everyone would have said that the plot was cheap anyways. Maybe it was better that I never finished it."

Any laughter that may have been sitting in me suddenly died. I still cared what 'the world' or 'people' thought about everything. When was that going to end?

Then an even deeper thought hit me: Did I shelf that project because the overwhelming what ifs got to me? If so then it was very unfair to keep projecting the whole thing onto Lilah like it was somehow her fault. God, how delusional was I really?

"I should finish it shouldn't I? Show the world what I really think of their opinion." I nodded as I spoke, like I was affirming the thought to myself. I sat in silence with Lilah's rock for another few minutes just pondering and pulling apart a million different things at once. After the short intermission of quiet, the words began to spill out on their own again like a fountain.

"You wouldn't be mad at me if I did move on would you? I mean it's been almost three years since everything happened. I'm allowed to go on with my life right?" It felt especially silly to ask permission to live from a dead person, but I just couldn't bear to look at anyone, not even Alex, without feeling immensely guilty and torn up inside. I never wanted Lilah to think that I had ever betrayed her. I would rather dig myself a hole and live alone in it then to feel like I had done that.

The more I thought about, I realized that Lilah would be appalled with how I was living my life. I cut all ties and decided to go from hotel to hotel without any rhyme or reason on my next move. She would probably smack me up one side and down the other.

"I'll always love you Lilah, that's never going to change, but I need to move on. I can't just keep feeling guilty and I can't keep running away. Most importantly, I can't keep waiting on you to give me the sign of what's supposed to come next."

I sighed and shook my head before standing up. I saw Bobby down the way, watching me with his arms crossed. I held up a finger to indicate I would only be another minute and turned back to the tombstone. I kissed my hand and touched the rock. "I'll be back next week. I love you babe."

I made me way back over to Bobby and clapped him on the back, "Okay, I'm ready to head out."

"Are you good?" he asked, a hint of concern seeping on to his face.

I smiled and nodded, "Never better. Let's get back to the house so I can relieve the girls, I don't really feel like working today."

"Sounds like a plan." Bobby replied, grinning himself now.

We made it back to the house and just as I expected, Alex was sitting cross legged on the ground pouring over my manuscript while Laura painted. She was such a slacker when she wanted to be. I would have to remember this instance next time she got on my case for being lazy.

"Hey guys." They both looked up at me, Pockets with a good natured smile and Alex with a sheepish one. "Why don't we take the rest of the day off? It's been pretty relentless around here."

"Whatever you want boss, I was just lending a hand where I could." Pockets replied with a shrug.

"I know. I really appreciate everything you've done for me and this whole renovation project."

"No problem at all." Pockets stood up and hugged me tight before saying her goodbye to Alex and heading out to meet her husband. Alex was fervently scanning through the page she was on and so I waited until she moved on to the next before I spoke up.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah?" Alex said looking up finally.

"Can I have that back please?" I asked softly and held my hand out in expectance for the manuscript.

Alex sighed and slapped the pages into my hand. "I figured this was gonna happen, at least I broke into the story a little bit."

"You'll get it back, don't worry." I replied with a smile.

"Why are you taking it then?" Alex huffed, trying not to throw the tantrum it looked like she was on the brink of. My smile widened.

"I wanted to finish it before you got too deep."

Alex's jaw went slack and she stared on at me with unbelieving eyes, "When did you decide this?"

"Just a little bit ago." I admitted with a broad smile and sat down next to her. "I suppose I had an epiphany."

"I'm sure you did." Alex replied with a roll of her eyes. "How was your visit to the bone yard?"

"It was long overdue, but I'm glad I went. It was nice to talk to her again, well, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. I go and talk to her sometimes too. She's still a great listener." That comment broke us both up and we giggled together. "But in all seriousness, I hope you found some of the closure you've been looking for. I know it's been really tough for you Marley."

"One step at a time, that's what I'm starting to figure out." I replied with a sigh and held up the manuscript, "And it starts with this. I might be able to finish in a month or two, maybe less than that if I can find a good groove and stop working around the house every day."

"I can take over from here. If it'll make you happy I want you to have more time to write. You were always at your best when you were writing, y'know?" Alex said

"I think so too." I said and laid my head on Alex's shoulder before uttering a sigh. "This feels nice."

"I think so too." She muttered.

***

True to her word, Alex took over everything that had to do with the renovation project and gave me the room to slack off. Or rather, she gave me the room to finish what would be the last Archanon book I would ever write. Thankfully that thought wasn't sad anymore-it was just a fact.

The real sad truth came in the fact that I had prolonged this book and continued to blame everyone but me for not finishing it. Of course all of that was behind me now. I had committed to writing it and in return the story was forcing itself out of me so violently that I was having trouble keeping up with all of the ideas.

[rajkumari]

Of course I had continued writing this particular story on my Royal typewriter. It was one of the few things that I kept with me instead of in storage. It was the only lasting piece of Tanya that I had. It was the last piece of my childhood as well. When it came down to it, this typewriter might have been my most valuable possession, it only seemed fitting that I would write the entirety of this story on it.

In a way that was reminiscent of my early adult years, I locked myself in my room most days. The basic needs of life were the only things that pulled me from my self-made den, and even then it was for the briefest moments that I would drag myself out in the real world. Sleep even took a back seat to typing sometimes. Any other moment of the day I was living in an entirely different world altogether-at least inside my brain.

As the days drug on I realized that this obsessive process was stronger than any other story I had ever produced before. I wasn't just channeling the energy onto the pages, it was absolutely possessing me. I'm sure someone would have called me too work driven by my current state of mind, but I was enthralled by this new fluidity. This was true art. Letting all the gates down and allowing the creative wellspring to break free inside.

There were many moments where I thought of Lilah as my fingers danced across the keys and for the first time in a very, very long time this didn't depress me. I thought of the intelligent and open conversations that we had about my work. She knew how to deliver criticism just right and knew when to push me harder than I was pushing myself. I was sure she would have been proud of the progress that I had made. Finally, I broke the shackles that I had bound myself with-fear, guilt, expectations-and freed myself.

I wondered what Lilah would say now that I had reached this level. Would she praise me? Or would she have another wise tidbit to drive me to a whole new point that I didn't know existed before?

Sometimes thinking on this too hard would make me sad. Lilah was like a creative mentor, she always knew the right thing to say and the right buttons to press. It depressed me when I thought of how much farther I could have got with her. Generally I could perk myself back up by getting lost in the story again; letting those emotions cloud the brain could create a writer's block after all.

It wasn't until I started getting hit by those mini bouts of depression that I realized this story was the real healing process that I had been craving. Visiting Lilah's grave didn't make things all better and neither did working on this house. I was desperately trying to shoulder all the pain that I had suffered through these last few years that I never took the time to unload and cope with that weight. Somehow, in my own strange way, this was the right therapy. Every page that made it onto the finished pile made things just a little better. It was Tanya's typewriter and Lilah's story after all. What could be a more fitting way to mend my broken heart?

It was good to stop fighting everything and just give in finally. It was exhausting, but it felt good, so good that tears of joy streaked down my cheeks as I capped off the last page and laid it neatly on the pile of finished pages. I recalled the story Lilah had told me of bawling her eyes out at the end of Shadow's Tide and felt a heavy lump form in my throat.

She really was gone, and she was never coming back. I laid my head in my hands and cried like I had never cried before. It almost felt like every single cry that I had before this-especially the tears I had shed for Lilah-had all been false. This was the most honest moment of my entire life, and it hurt like hell. It was ironic that in my moment of triumph there was so much pain from this realization. Somehow it was also very fitting.

When there were no more tears left and breathing felt bearable once more, I scooped up the pages next to me and stood up. There was only one thing left to do to complete this whole cycle now. It would be an understatement to say that I was ready to be done with it all at this point.

This whole process of finishing the Archanon series had been an empowering and enlightening experience, but it was also the most emotionally and mentally draining thing I had ever been through as well. There was definitely a prominent piece of me that longed to never go through that sort of trial ever again. The power of creativity I wielded for a moment was incredible, but it was arguable if the pain was worth it.

I crept out of my room to see that it was dark and realized quickly that I didn't even know what day it was anymore. It didn't take me long to find Alex though, I followed the light hum of music that hit my ears as soon as I stepped out into the hallway. She was sitting in my aunt's rocking chair with her eyes closed and a content smile playing on her lips. The jazz record I had followed crooning quietly in the corner.

I saw Alex differently than I had in a long time right then. Perhaps it was the weight that I had just shed or the peace that surrounded her in such a cozy aura, whatever it was it made her glow in a beautiful way. I sighed at the sight of her and Alex opened her eyes at the sound.

"Hi." She said simply.

"Hi." I replied and held the pages of my manuscript out. "I told you I would give it back."

Alex reached out for the pages, her smile widening and touched the back of my hand lightly. Another memory flooded into my mind, this one much happier than the last I had. It was the first time I had let Alex read one of my stories. That was such a nerve wracking experience since no one had ever read anything of mine before. I remembered how I had paced the room, watching her out of the corner of my eye the whole time, nervously expecting what she might have to say about my work.

I didn't have that anxiety like before however. In fact I was excited. I knew that Alex had been keeping up with my work for years now, every since that first story in fact. If anyone deserved to get the initial scoop of my novel it was her. Alex took hold of the stack of papers and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Finally it had all come full circle.

May, 2008

It had been a week since I gave Alex the completed version of my manuscript, which I had saddled with the title Archanon: The Final Battle, and still there was no word from her about it. My excitement had begun to dwindle into the original anxiety I had sworn I wouldn't feel this time. There was no need for her to take so long to give me her review.

I was driving myself insane waiting for her to say anything about the story that I had to leave the house finally. I just couldn't pace around anymore expecting her to come out of her room with something to say. Maybe it was how the great wheel of fate turned or perhaps it was just me, but the weight of Alex's words about my book could determine how much I loved or hated it in the end.

Taking a break on waiting for Alex gave me a good chance to take my weekly trek over to the graveyard to see Lilah and Tanya. I had gone over there with Bobby once more, but I felt like his was a way of routine where I needed more personal time. It wasn't like he cared to wait or anything, but it was better to just go myself. It wasn't much of a walk from Tanya's-or rather my-house, so I didn't care much anyways. Of course in this town most everything was in walking distance if you had the energy.

After my first trip to the graveyard I decided to start paying my respects to Tanya as annually as I did for Lilah. It was also convenient that Tanya's final resting place was on the way up to Lilah's. It wasn't as hard or emotional to see Tanya, but it did bring me a sense of safety and confidence, much as Tanya did for me in life.

In all reality, Tanya was the mother I had always wanted and needed. I couldn't care less if my actual mother was dead or alive- in fact I didn't even know if my mother was dead or alive. Tanya's death shook me to the core however. Losing her was like losing the moral compass my parents should have been. Losing her was like losing a best friend.

I sat and talked to Tanya for a minute, telling her about the book and my journey over the past few weeks. I rambled on about nonsense and most importantly let her know that the house was doing well. I'm sure she would have been very happy to see all the love and effort that went into restoring her home.

"Well, I'll be back around to see you in a few days or so." I said out loud. I didn't feel foolish to speak out loud to her or Lilah anymore, it was all a part of my way of grieving. Anybody had a problem with it then they could take it somewhere else.

I trekked up the grassy hill where Lilah laid, my calves protesting at the steep angle the trail took. The sun peeked through the dark clouds enough to shine a light across Lilah's headstone and I knew in my heart that it wasn't a coincidence. I ran my hand across the sun warmed part of the marble stone and smiled.

"Hey, baby. It's good to see you." I said and hunkered down next to Lilah's grave. "I know this visit is a little late, but I've been working hard lately. I'm sure you would be happy to see the fire back in me, I really think I found my spark again."

I didn't say much after that. Early on in my visits I realized I was content to just sit in Lilah's presence. Much like her living days, there was no need to fill every silent void with inane chatter. I liked that. It made my time with Lilah feel very spiritual.

A cool spring breeze swept over my bare ankles and rose to my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the embrace of nature. It was crazy but sometimes I felt as if Lilah talked back to me like this. With a warm sunspot or a comforting breeze, these were here little ways of saying 'Yes, I'm here. I'm still listening.'

"I think you would like how the story-your story-turned out. I stopped worrying about beating the loopholes and pleasing the fans. I just wanted to write a good tale, something that kept me entertained and interested, and all of a sudden it flowed out of me like a river." I laughed once. "It was really easy to let go after I had already done it. Funny how that works right?"

It was funny how it worked. It was funny how life worked, really. Alex, Lilah, Me. It was all some strange jigsaw puzzle that I don't think I ever quite put together right.

"I'm glad Alex is around at least. It would be hard trying to make this journey all alone. I love the crew and everything, but Alex might be the last person left that actually understands me." A sudden thought popped into my head but I was hesitant to speak it out loud. Eventually I caved and opened my mouth. "Do you really think Alex and me were right for each other? Would it have ever worked?"

Naturally, I didn't get a response and that was to be expected. The thing that was interesting was how I felt after I asked the question. There wasn't a pang of guilt or fear or shame, I was genuinely curious what Lilah would have thought about my question. I wanted to know what she would have said if she were in a completely objective stand point. At the end of it all, that internal peace may have been the real answer I was looking for.

"I think it might have. I would like to think it would have at least. Alex probably gets me better than anyone else I've ever met. She could probably make me happy if I gave her the chance. We could probably make each other happy. Who knows?" I shrugged, "Well I would love to sit and chat with you all day but I really should get going love. I'll bring flowers next time. Carnations, I know how much you like those." I said with a smile and stood up.

There was always a pain in leaving Lilah behind, but it was nothing like the pain I used to feel. This was more of a momentary sorrow of leaving behind a good old friend. I felt it and just as quickly sighed it away. I knew I would be back soon enough.

Alex was out of her room and hanging around the house when I got back. About time. I didn't pounce on her about the story right away though. I wanted her to come to me about it. I wasn't going to be the desperate one here.

"Where did you wander off to?" Alex asked casually. The manuscript was neatly stacked in front of her on the coffee table, almost begging for me to ask, but I staved off.

"Just for a little walk. Said hi to Tanya and Lilah. I guess I just needed to get out of the house for a minute." I shrugged, "What are you up too?"

"Oh you know, nothing much. Been waiting for you to get back and ask about the elephant in the room." Alex replied with a sly grin.

"Keep on waiting sister." I shot back and flopped onto the easy chair opposite of where Alex was sitting.

"Okay fine, I suppose since I had the great honor of getting first read I shouldn't torture you too much." Alex sighed like I had just ruined some very fun game. "Would you like to know what I thought?"

I grinned. "Well now that you brought it up, yeah I am curious. What did you think?"

"You're a cheeky ass, Marley. That's what I think." Alex said with a shake of her head. I grinned a little wider but said nothing in response. After a few more moments, Alex spoke again.

"It was perfect." Alex said. "I suppose perfect is a relative term, but it was everything I hoped it would be. Thrilling, daring, swashbuckling fun with plenty of drama and romance sprinkled in with the action and excitement the world of Ysragaar always brings to the table. Your characters are as vibrant and lively as ever and your locations are just as awe inspiring and imaginative. When you're in the zone you're truly a master of the craft."

I opened my mouth and then shut it again. I had no idea what to say back to that. I had wanted a glowing review, but I didn't expect the blindingly shiny one that Alex gave me. I was curious to see what other folks would say in the future, especially since

"You're just being biased." I sighed.

Alex shook her head, "I wish I could agree with you, God knows you're ego needs no more inflating, but this time you really hit a home run. It's a fantastic book, the perfect end to an amazing series."

"Hmm." I hummed, not quite knowing what to say still.

"So." Alex said, abruptly breaking off the silence that was beginning to creep in. "I know that you've already been out and about today, but would you want to take a walk with me? I figured some fresh air would do me good after being such a shut in this last week." She shook her head again, this time slower and more deliberately, "Your bad habits must be rubbing off on me."

"It's so easy to blame everything on me isn't it?" I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Reasonably easier than shouldering that blame myself." Alex shrugged.

I chuckled once and stood up. "Okay fine. Where did you want to go?"

"You'll see." Alex replied with a twinkle in her eye.

***

"Despite all the times you've drug me out here, I'm still not very fond of the beach." I admitted, kicking sand out towards the tide.

Alex gave me a sideways smile, "I know."

"And yet, here I am, with my toes full of sand. I'll end up having to take an even longer shower now. Points to you Alex." I said in perfect sarcastic form.

"You know I'm going to drag you out here and you keep letting me. Points indeed to me."

"Guess I'm still wrapped around that little finger." It was admittance to me as well as Alex, but I didn't let it show, instead playing it cool like that was just another sarcastic remark from my lips. Both of us went into a content silence, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but necessary for some reason as we mulled over what had been said.

After minutes of nothing but the breeze and the crashing waves as the only noise between us, I finally asked the question that had burned inside me for the last few years. Something random but still inherently important enough that it had bugged me for a long time.

"How come you never told me about her before? Or introduced us?" I didn't have to say Lilah's name for Alex to know exactly who 'her' was.

"It would have been awkward." Alex sighed, "She had it pretty bad for me back then, probably because I was the only person like her around. Don't get me wrong, she knew I was taken, but it didn't stop her from being in deep puppy love."Alex stared out at the ocean and sighed. It was the sigh of someone coming to grips with the hard truth. "I think I knew even then that you would have fallen for her though. Or rather, that you both would have fallen for each other. You were just too perfect together."

I laughed once. "She said the same thing about me and you once, about us being too perfect for each other. How ironic."

Alex shrugged, "Maybe you're just the secret ingredient?"

"Yeah right. I'm the one that fucks everything up, remember?" I scoffed. "Lilah was perfect for me all right, but I don't know if I was perfect for her."

"Maybe that could be said of me and you as well." Alex said softly and chucked a stone at the waves idly. I studied the profile of her face and mulled that thought over. I was able to dismiss it quickly though because it just felt wrong.

"No. There was a lot working against us from the get go. Besides my parents, time and distance were our enemies." I said with finality in my voice. Alex didn't argue my opinion so that was basically case closed on the whole idea. I was glad she hadn't fought me on it either. I wanted to know that I might have been good for someone at one point in my life.

"Crap." Alex said suddenly and frowned.

"What?"

"Just felt a rain drop, we should probably head back before it picks up." She suggested and began to stand up.

I felt a drop on my nose not a moment after she had spoken, then one on my thigh, then my cheek. Before we had even got to the road it had started down pouring in big heavy drops. Alex looked at me with a grin, her hair already sticking to her face from the rain and a steady stream of drips coming off of her chin.

"Come on, let's make a run for it!" she said and held her hand out to me. I took it without a thought and ran off into the worsening storm like the crazy kids we still were at heart.

***

A crackling fire was the only light on in the house. Alex sat in front of it with a towel around her shoulders, her gaze fixed on the burning logs. I came to join her by the fire with a bottle of wine in my hand and a similar looking towel still over my head.

"What's on your mind?" I asked and popped the cork to the bottle.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just random thoughts." Alex replied.

I nodded, "I've been having those too. Running through the rain earlier had me thinking about when you took me cliff diving for some reason. Remember that?"

"Yeah. Man, I loved going cliff diving! Not sure these old bones could handle it anymore." Alex sighed and tapped her knees before snatching the bottle from my hands and having a swig.

"I can relate. Every year seems to get a little harder." I chuckled.

"I always wanted to take a board up there and do an acid drop off of one of the ledges. Some things will always stay on the bucket list I guess." She sighed.

"Mmm, maybe." I stood up, "You know what? You just reminded me of something. Wait here." I said and held up a finger as I retreated from the room.

I barely heard Alex's typical smartass response. "Got nowhere else to go."

A few minutes later I came back down the stairs holding the fractured pieces of the first skateboard Alex had ever given me in my hands. "Do you remember this?" I asked and handed over the pieces of the board.

Alex turned them over in her hands with a delighted smile. "Frankenboard." She sighed as if she were seeing an old friend. As Alex's fingers moved along the deck however, her smile faded slowly. My guess was that her mind was traveling back to the last time I saw her that summer.

[rajkumari]

"Do you remember why we even made that board?" I asked, trying to get her mind off of that part of our history.

The smile reappeared on Alex's face. "Yeah."

"You had dared me to ride yours." I rolled my eyes.

"I didn't dare you to ride it, I told you to try it. I thought you were just going to stand on it for a second. Next thing I know your bolting down the hill and I'm just trying to catch up with you before you kill yourself." Alex shook her head.

"I almost did kill myself if you remember."

She began to laugh uncontrollably. So much so that when she opened her mouth to say something she just bust into another fit of giggles. Finally, Alex made a soaring motion with her hand and then slammed her other hand against it and made an explosion sound.

"It didn't seem this funny to you when it happened." I said, trying to stay stoic and failing miserably.

"I hid it a lot better." She said, finally getting herself under control. "Good times."

"Good times." I agreed.

I looked over at Alex. She was sitting with her arms behind her head and her legs sprawled out in front of her. There was a funny little smile on her face and her eyes were closed. Something about the way she looked made her seem eighteen to me again.

"If I could go back in time I would have done things differently." I said suddenly, taking myself by surprise even.

"I wouldn't." she replied calmly, surprising me even more.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I think everything worked out like it did for a reason. It was hard, sure, but I don't blame you for anything anymore. We were just kids after all." She shrugged. "And I guess everything in between has been a big learning experience."

"When did you get more mature than me?" I asked with a raised brow.

"Marley, I've always been more mature than you. I just hide it well in order to blend in with the idiots."

"You must. Totally had me fooled." I said with a giggle.

"Ha ha. Maybe how I work doesn't make sense to other people but it does to me. Everyone is different after all." Alex gestured towards me. "Take you for instance. I understand that you have to shut yourself in like a cocoon sometimes, and if I poke you while you're in that place you'll never turn into the butterfly that you're meant to be. That's just how it is." She shrugged.

"You just get me." I said with a sigh and a shake of my head. "I love that."

Alex caught my gaze and smiled sweetly, "I love you."

Suddenly Alex didn't just look eighteen again. It was like she was eighteen again. We both were.

I felt a sudden rush inside me and all at once it was like I was in that maddening teenage love with her all over again. Turning to Alex, I climbed into her lap, sliding my thighs alongside either of hers. I touched my forehead to hers and placed my fingertips against her neck. My eyes were locked on her lips, wanting them more than I ever had before. Alex placed her palms on my hips lightly and I could see the goosebumps that spread across her skin in a quick wave.

"You got goosebumps the first time you held me. Do you remember that?" I asked my voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes." Alex husked.

I grinned, "Now let's see if I can recall what comes next."

"I know I can." Alex used two fingers to tip my chin up. I saw her cool, sly smile-the same smile she had worn so many times around me as a teenager-just before her lips met mine.

Neither of us were kids anymore though. It wasn't a blind fumbling at our feelings or trying to express our hormones. We were adults that knew what we wanted from this kiss. It wasn't like last time either, where everything swirled around with desire and no thought. This was a whole new monster altogether.

Alex pushed her tongue against my lips, not demanding entrance but making her wants very clear by running the tip back and forth on my lower lip. I timidly opened my mouth and touched my tongue to hers.

Alex had no intention of being timid though, her tongue plunged into my mouth. I uttered a surprised gasp and pulled back on instinct. She caught my bottom lip between her teeth and the gasp quickly turned into a low moan. I surrendered and allowed her to drag me back into that kiss until I was drunk on it.

"So I was thinking," Alex murmured against my lips in between kisses that were turning gentler and sweeter every moment.

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"My clothes are still soaked, and I'm sure yours are too." She went on, her breath lingering on my lips.

"Uh-huh." I whimpered, quite uncharacteristically. I was starting to have an idea where this was going and it had my attention peaked.

"Well I was wondering if you would want to go upstairs and get rid of them. Maybe warm up in the shower." Alex bit my lip.

My eyes flicked up to hers, the only thing I had looked at besides the smooth curve of her lips for many minutes. I had always loved the genuine honesty in Alex's eyes. She never seemed like someone that would double cross or cheat you. That truth could be found by simply looking into her eyes.

I had the uncanny ability to attract people much better than I in character and Alex was no exception. She would never do all the slime ball things that I had done and she would never pretend to be something she wasn't just for the lay. She wasn't inviting me to get naked with her so she could have her fun and kick me out of bed in the morning. She was inviting me to pick up where we had left off almost twelve years ago.

"I would love that." I said.

Alex grinned from ear to ear and scrambled to her feet, dragging me along with her the whole way. When she tried to lead me towards the general upstairs bathroom I pulled her away and pointed her to the master room's bathroom instead. It was a nicer bathroom with a bigger shower, but more importantly than that, it was that much closer to the bed.

We both just stood there for a moment, still and silent, and then Alex chuckled nervously and began to undo the buttons of her shirt slowly. It was as if she were gauging my commitment to this whole experiment. I smiled back and unzipped my Capri's, with a push of the wrist and a wiggle in my hips, they fell to the ground and I stepped out of them. Alex practically tore her shirt off when my pants hit the ground, obviously convinced enough now.

"Why is it that I always want to jump your bones when we're soaked?" I chuckled, my fingers lifting the hem of Alex's sopping tank top over her head.

"I dunno." Alex shook her hair out and shrugged. "Maybe getting wet gets you wet?"

I rolled my eyes and bit her neck. "That was lame Sunny." I husked before sweeping my tongue across her collarbone. Alex hissed in a deep breath and uttered a single grunt. She had that extra incentive she needed to shove her denim shorts-and everything beneath them-to the ground roughly, leaving her bare for me to see.

This was when I expected Alex to take lead, at least enough to start stripping me down, but she simply turned to the tub and began to fiddle with the shower. I had a moment of concern over this whole ordeal for the first time in that moment. Not because Alex was trying to act cool or aloof, but because she seemed a little nervous.

I pulled off my top and bra, and then wriggled out of my panties. It felt weird to stand here half clothed when Alex was fully naked. Very gently I reached out to touch Alex's back with my fingertips, as if I were trying not to spook a skittish animal. After a moment my fingertips slid up between her shoulder blades until my whole hand was resting on the tanned skin of Alex's bare back.

Alex turned to me with a smile that said everything was just fine, but she was betrayed by the flicker of doubt lingering in her too honest eyes. I didn't let on that she didn't fool me however. "Nice and hot?" I asked, tipping my head to the shower. My hand had begun to rub a slow, gentle circle around her back as I spoke.

"Not as hot as you, but it should do." Alex replied and this time her smile took on a more genuine look and feel that I was used too.

I grinned back, "Good." I said and kissed her on the nose.

The water was indeed scorching when I stepped into the stream, but I embraced it whole heartedly. It felt incredible after the wind and rain and sand that had blown across my skin today. Alex gave me a moment to get situated before she followed suit in after me.

"Mmm, so nice." Alex muttered, propping her chin on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around my waist. We both faced the showerhead and let the water cascade off of our backs. I closed my eyes and basked in the steamy water on my skin.

"You know." I said, "I've been doing some thinking too."

"Oh yeah? What about?" Alex asked kissing my neck once.

I turned around, slipping my hands up her arms to rest around her neck. "I think I owe you some payback." I said, my fingers playing along the back of her neck. "Some intimate payback, if you catch my drift."

"Yeah, I think I see where you're going with this." She muttered with a grin.

I sunk my fingers deeper into her hairline and smiled wide. "Can I wash your hair?"

Alex's confusion was written plain on her face and I couldn't stop the giggle that came forth from her hilarious expression. Always the good sport, Alex played along with my game. She closed her eyes and shrugged, before turning around and simply saying, "Sure."

I grabbed the shampoo and poured a copious amount on my hand before I started lathering it into Alex's long brunette hair. It was nice that she had chosen to grow it out again. I never liked it when it was short personally.

"I love how long your hair is getting." I murmured, letting my fingertips slide along her scalp. At this point I was just massaging her head for the hell of it.

"Thanks. I missed it being long." She said almost purring at the sheer enjoyment of the scalp rub I was giving her.

"Rinse." I said and she tipped her head back further so I could let the water wash all the suds out.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Alex started, standing up straight, "But this isn't exactly what I expected when you agreed to take a shower with me."

"Well, we are showering aren't we?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, smart ass we are." Alex said with a good natured chuckle. "I just thought things would be a little...different. This is more like, I dunno, like we're a couple or something."

My hands slid from her head and down her back before coming around her front to cup her breasts. "Well we used to be a couple, I'm sure we would have gotten to this place more naturally at some point." I said and kissed along the back of her neck. My forefingers began to rub her nipples in an up and down motion very lightly. Alex gasped in surprise and threw her hands up against the shower wall for support.

"Besides, I did say I wanted to give you some intimate payback." I mused and bit her shoulder. "I just never said when."

Alex turned with a growl and took my face in both hands before mashing her lips to mine. I continued to paw at her breasts while our tongues battled for supremacy. I was so hot for her right now, so many years of pent up energy and frustrations, wondering what it would be like if we had given each other an actual fair chance. I pushed Alex against the back wall of the shower and shoved my knee between her thighs. She moaned and bit my tongue, her hands moving from my face to tangle in my thick auburn locks.

I had to stand on my tip-toes to reach her lips and the slippery bottom of the shower didn't make things any easier on top of that, but I found a way. The natural chemistry that Alex and I had always shared was ignited between us like a bonfire. That alone got me determined enough to beat the odds of gravity-even with water included.

"You're so fuckin' sexy Marley." Alex panted, her hips grinding against my knee as hard as she was able.

"How about we take this somewhere a little more stable?" I suggested breathlessly, feeling the strain on my claves in this awkward position. Alex nodded and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the shower without even turning off the water.

Instead of heading to the bedroom like I expected, Alex pushed me against the cool marble of the counter. I gasped at the chilliness of the marble, just a moment later Alex bowed her head to take a nipple in my mouth and that gasp changed to a low pitched moan. I couldn't help but cry out at the wonderful feeling. This was the first real and valid stimulation that I had felt since Lilah's death.

Alex seized my hips roughly and lifted me onto the counter with ease. She eyed me with a cocky grin for a moment and then dove between my legs with her tongue out. The sudden force in her movement caught me off guard and I had to grip the counter with both hands in order to stay upright.

"Oh my, fuck." I babbled and tried to breathe. Strange enough it would seem that I had forgotten how as Alex buried her tongue deep inside of me.

My fingers went looking for hers, desperately seeking until they found each other and interlaced together. I longed to be as close as possible to Alex. She was bringing me to a bubbling point that I was none too familiar with and it was something I hadn't experienced before. Every nerve ending was on pins and needles, balancing on a fine edge that made every little touch electrified and intense beyond what it should be. She had me heightened to a boil that left me frustrated and desperate, wildly bucking my hips into Alex in no particular rhythm or pace. My body felt out of control as I desperately sought out the orgasm I was so consumed to achieve.

"I've wanted to taste you for so long." Alex said and licked the length of my lips, making sure to give a little extra attention to my clit at the end of her motion. Alex closed her eyes, hummed and shook her head slowly from side to side as if she couldn't believe the flavor she was savoring. "I got a little taste before, but this is a fantasy long in the making." Alex flicked her hazel eyes up to my green ones and smiled as our gaze met before she resumed her previous task with all the vigor she had before.

The all out instinctual lust that was pumping through my veins was completely surreal. I hoped Alex could see how hot I was for her in my eyes. Even so I wanted to make absolute sure she knew.

I loosened the fingers of my left hand from hers and brought the middle one between Alex's thighs. I didn't have to press in to feel how wet she was, but I did anyways. I dug in to the knuckle and swirled the tip of my digit around inside of her. Alex choked out a cry around my pussy from my sudden intrusion inside of her.

I let go of her other hand and laced my fingers in her hair before yanking her head back from my center. Alex looked at me with a mix of confusion and curiosity, saying nothing, only waiting. I was the one to smirk this time. I pulled my digit from Alex's tight slick hole and brought it to her lips. I expected more fight honestly but Alex sucked the digit right in. She closed her eyes and hummed around my finger filling her mouth. Alex could sure put on a show when she wanted to, I would have to give her that.

"That may be the sexiest thing I've ever seen." I moaned and pushed Alex out of the way so I could hop off of the counter. "Bed, now." It was my turn to drag her off by the hand this time.

"Lay down." I demanded but Alex shook her head and stood her ground.

"No. You lay down, I didn't even get to finish you off back there." she argued.

"But I haven't got you to finish at all. Ever."

Alex chuckled, so authentically it lit up her face. She cupped my chin and laid a sweet kiss on my forehead, then my nose. "It's not a competition sweetheart." She said and planted a kiss on my lips quickly. "Mm, I have an idea though."

Alex got on the bed and situated some pillows around her head and shoulders, then motioned for me to join her. I crawled up besides her on the bed, already having her idea figured out, and leaned down to kiss her again. Alex stroked my face, smiling as bright as I remembered in my fondest memories. She pointed to my pussy and then to her face as if to remind me what I was doing up here in the first place.

I rolled my eyes. It was so like Alex to be completely one minded even in the middle of a nice moment. Still I did what she asked of me and kicked a leg over Alex's neck before easing down on her face.

I exhaled as if I had just been giving the sweetest relief I could possibly ask for the moment her tongue made contact with my sensitive inner folds again. Her movement wasn't as frantic and hurried as before. Rather, her tongue slithered around slow and searching. The feelings shooting up from my loins were absolutely incredible and I was damned and determined for Alex to have some of these wonderful feelings back.

I leaned forward, placing my hands on the tops of her thighs and touched my tongue to Alex's clit for the first time. I heard and felt her moan at my initial touch and knew that I wanted to hear that sound again during this journey. Using my fingertips to spread open Alex's pink inner lips revealed a slick coat of her sweet natural juices. It took me no time to lap up every shimmering drop before I poked my tongue into the source of the flavor, swirling around the ring of muscles guarding Alex's secret entrance. There was something about the taste of Alex that lingered on my tongue, coaxing me to find every single hidden pocket of her nectar. She was sweet and pungent at the same time, like a rare delicacy from a far off land that was hard to pronounce.

Somewhere behind me I could feel Alex teasing my entrance with a finger. I wiggled my hips in her face and whimpered, "Yes. Please."

Alex was gracious to my request, sliding her digit in nice and easy to the base of her knuckle. I nipped at Alex's hip and purred at the delicious feeling of being filled. Alex drew her finger back then drove it again, a little faster this time, and again, a little harder. Then she stopped.

My nails dug into Alex's thigh "Wh-" I began, but quickly shut up when I felt the presence of another digit line up with the first.

I hummed deep in my throat and nuzzled back into Alex's folds. I was nice at first, with gentle laps and playful bites to her lips as Alex opened me up with two fingers. As she increased her tempo and force I began to attack her pussy in my own new and aggressive ways however. In particular I focused on that juicy clit that was standing on end for me.

There was something so sexy about watching it engorge as I played with Alex. It would twitch in response to striking a successful chord, always leading me in the right direction for the most pleasure. More than anything I loved the way it felt in my mouth. When it would jerk around my tongue I felt like I was seeing Alex's special erotic dance that she didn't share with anyone else.

While I had resolved to exploring and familiarizing with Alex's body-a place that I hoped to frequent in the near future-my lover seemed more intent on just bringing me to ecstasy and back as quickly as possible. I couldn't complain of course as I rode the tides of pleasure higher and higher. Alex sucked my clit between her teeth as she pounded hard and fast on my G-spot. I knew there would be no holding back from this kind of assault and almost on cue the orgasm ripped through me like a tsunami. I shuddered throughout my body, feeling a residual shake in my muscles even after the wave had passed through me. Wetness erupted from my core, splashing against both of my thighs and presumably Alex below me in a way that I had never quite cum before in my life.

Despite my eyelids forcing closed and my mouth hanging ajar from the stream of unintelligible moans, my tongue was still working on Alex's clit as much as possible. I was fighting the sheer strength of the orgasm in order to get her as high as I was right now. Alex didn't seem to have any intention of slowing down or letting up though, making the concentrating part ten times harder than it should have been.