A story of love, loss and life - Trifecta - lesbian sex

[rajkumari]

Thankfully though, there was enough distraction that the thought wasn't a constant bother throughout the night. Alex and Lilah's place was in a high traffic trick-or-treat neighborhood. One of the three of us got the door so often that I'm sure no one got the full gist of any of the initial movies we had playing. Around nine things finally started to calm down and by ten the whole event was over.

Lilah got up to put in another movie, an old slasher from the 80s, leaving me and Alex sitting next to each other. After a brief moment it became unbearably uncomfortable for me. I knew I had to move before the tight feeling in my chest swallowed me.

"I'll go get some popcorn." I said and jumped up. I didn't notice that my shoe lace had got caught under my foot however, and I was falling before I even knew what was going on. The ground didn't crash into me like I expected though. Alex grabbed me around the waist and threw her foot out for balance so we didn't both topple over. My arms instinctively went around her neck and I pulled her closer than necessary.

"You're still such a klutz." Alex said in a quiet voice.

Suddenly being close to Alex wasn't uncomfortable at all. I could feel the breath coming out of my lungs shallow and slow, but it wasn't uncomfortable. My heart began beating a million times faster, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. The only thing that did feel uncomfortable was the desire to close the three-inch gap between my lips and hers.

"Jesus, why don't you just get a fucking room already?" Lilah declared hotly, breaking me from the stupor I was in. She shook her head in anger for another moment before turning on her heel and stomping out.

"Real smooth." Alex said low enough for only me to hear. I went red from head to toe and took a few weird shuffling steps backwards. What the hell was I thinking? How was she able to do that to me? Alex chuckled once and walked off in the opposite direction as Lilah.

This left me standing there alone, ashamed and confused. I knew I should go after one of them. Luckily the better part of me won and led me to Lilah instead of chasing after Alex.

"I'm sorry." I said the second I saw her. "I-I don't know what just happened, it was like I went back in time or something. Not that that's an excuse at all."

Lilah didn't say anything right away, she simply nodded slowly. "This probably wasn't the best idea." She spoke just as slow as her nodding head.

"Having me over again? Yeah, probably wasn't the best idea."

"No, the whole thing."

My head began to spin, "Wait a second, now all of a sudden us being together is a bad thing? Not when things got difficult for me, but now? When something slightly uncomfortable happens to you?"

"You almost kissed my best friend in front of me." Lilah pointed out quite calmly.

"She's the love of my life!" I shouted.

The look that struck Lilah's face made me wish I could grab the words out of the air and take them back instantly. I heaved a deep sigh and spoke much more softly.

"Was. She was the love of my life. All this time and somehow the feelings are still there-like it all happened yesterday. It's incredibly hard to forget about your first love when it's right there." I looked at Lilah intently, "But that doesn't mean that I'm trying to hurt you at all, that's the last thing I want."

"What do you want then?" Lilah asked with downcast eyes.

"You. All I want is you."

"Are you sure? I understand if this is all too much. I know this isn't the ideal situation for any party involved and you probably have the worst of all of us."

She was too sweet for her own good. I had no idea why she wanted to be with a cold prick like me so much.

"I love you." I said without thinking.

This confession startled me almost as much as it did Lilah. I could see her blue eyes getting wider as the fact sunk in. I swallowed hard and stared at her wordlessly, unsure about where this was supposed to go.

"I...love you too." Lilah said, so low it was almost inaudible.

I took her face in both my hands and looked deep into those blue eyes. Then without hesitation my lips mashed into hers. I had started just reacting and not caring about anything else. Nothing else mattered in this moment but us.

Lilah grabbed my shirt tightly and pulled me closer. Her body pressed against mine in a way that showed how much she wanted me, exciting me even further. One of my hands traveled back from her face to tangle in those long, blond locks, while the other slid down to her waist.

Just as things were really starting to escalate, they stopped. Lilah flattened her hands on me and pushed back. I could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she panted for breath.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing." She mumbled and turned away from me. "I'm just tired. It's been a long night."

What was I doing wrong to deserve this? She told me in the beginning that she wouldn't be the girl to just jump in bed with me, but that didn't stop the sting of rejection I still felt. Rejection was easily the most painful thing in my opinion and that was exactly why I didn't like to date in the first place. If I wanted to face rejection I would send a new manuscript to my editor.

"All right. Well I'll see myself out then so you can rest." I sighed, remembering that whole thing involving grace. "Call me."

"I will." Lilah said quietly, still not looking at me.

It was frustrating, but I would get over it. This was just a trial in the relationship and I wanted to be as understanding as I could be. Lilah had gone too deep under my skin to not keep trying as hard as I could. At the same time though, I just wanted her to open up to me.

It wasn't just about the sex either. That was an important part of it of course, but it wasn't the only part of it. She wouldn't let me get close to her intimately at all. She kept me at arm's length most of the time. Was she really that afraid of me based on reputation alone?

"Can we talk?"

I clasped my hand to my chest, surprised at Alex's sudden appearance as I left the house. I breathed in through my nose and let out a big exhale. "Please don't do that again." I replied.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Alex shrugged, "So can we talk?"

"What's this about?" I said shortly.

Alex sighed, "Do you have to make everything so damn difficult?"

"I suppose not." I said, cracking a grin in spite of myself. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"This Lilah situation."

I laughed, but it held no humor. "There is no Lilah situation."

"Let's not kid ourselves. We both know that this relationship isn't going to last past the next few weeks. I would rather you pull back before she gets hurt. She's not like us, she's sensitive."

"What gives you the notion I'll hurt her at all?" I thought about giving back grace again and grit my teeth, trying to suppress the rage building in me from her accusations.

Alex sighed as if she had to deal with something that took great patience, "It probably won't be on purpose, but come on Marley, you're gonna get bored of her and then what? She's not enough for you."

"That's a pretty callous thing to say about your best friend." I scoffed.

"I'm just being honest." Alex said. "Besides, you're not that shy, naïve girl anymore. I know you have needs that have to be fulfilled and I can't guarantee that you'll be able to find release with Lilah. Has she even gone farther than kissing you yet?"

I didn't say anything and I didn't have to. The blush that rose in my cheeks said it all. There were plenty of instances in the brief time that we had been together when the passion burnt bright in me. Lilah was always quick to douse that flame though. The event that just transpired between us was a great example of that.

"That's what I thought." She said with a mocking grin.

"Why do you care what I do anyways? None of this should matter to you."

"I told you. I worry what will happen to Lilah." Alex shrugged, and then set me with a piercing gaze, "I also worry about you."

"You do?" This definitely caught me off guard.

"I can give you what you want." Alex said, moving dangerously close. "What you need. You've always known that."

I held my breath. This was what I had waited so long for. So many years without Alex and now she was here offering herself up on a silver platter. I came to my senses before I could make good on her proposal though.

"No." I said and stepped back, shaking my head. "Not like this."

Alex searched my face. Seeing how serious I was she backed off as well. Her brow pulled together tight over dark eyes. "Was it that easy to just get over me and move on?"

"Of course not!" I cried, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "I thought about you every day for years and years. I thought about you every time I wanted to be with someone, and I wouldn't let myself. But I got tired Alex."

"Why didn't you come back like you said? Why did you just turn your back for good?" Alex asked, her voice quavering. She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Honestly? I don't know." I sighed. "I shut out everything from my past. I'm sorry you were included in that."

She scoffed. "You make it really hard to hate you."

"The feeling is mutual." I assured her.

Alex laughed once and wiped at her eyes, "I really did miss you."

"I missed you too." I admitted.

Alex cracked a small smile and looked at me for a good long time before finally speaking again, "So it's serious with her?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I think it is."

"She's too good for you. I hope you know that." Alex stated. I wasn't the least bit offended either. She was absolutely right on that fact. Lilah was too good for me.

"I've known that for a while." I said with a chuckle. "Thankfully, people can change."

"Lucky for you." Alex scoffed and turned to walk back inside.

"Wait a sec!" I said loudly and Alex turned to look at me wordlessly. "Are we good?" I asked.

She gave me a scrutinizing stare for a few seconds and then she smiled. Smiled in a way that I hadn't seen from her either time I had been here. It was the smile of the eighteen year old girl I once knew.

"Yeah Webster, we're good." She said softly and resumed her course inside again.

As I watched Alex walk away I had to wonder if things would have turned out as well in that conversation if I hadn't listened to Tanya's advice. My best guess was no. I had the ability to be stubborn and pig headed sometimes. Hell, I had felt it coming on at one point while we talked even.

It never ceased to amaze me how little I actually knew. Despite how intelligent I claimed to be, I was still ignorant and foolish to so much.

November, 2004

I tapped my desk in anticipation, waiting for Ollie's call. Since Tanya had given me the Royal back I had completely discarded using my PC for any recreational writing. In fact I rewrote the entire manuscript that I had started on the old typewriter before taking the story any further. It was like there was magic in those ancient keys and they allowed me to tap into something I hadn't had in a very long time.

Just as I was wondering if I should try to write a little more on my new project Ollie called. I wanted him to just call my cell, but he preferred using video chat so that's what he forced on me. I wasn't as fond of that method because I had to show how engaged I was in the conversation and that was difficult sometimes.

"Hey there super star!" Ollie said with all the typical glee I had come to expect from him over the years.

"How's it goin' Ollie?" I asked, managing to smile a little more than usual at his pep.

"Well, I just got off the phone with the director and let me tell ya, he was blown away with your finished script. Couldn't say enough good things about it."

I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding and smiled, "That's a relief. If I never have to do another one again I'll be happy. It is not my medium."

"You wouldn't be able to tell with what you did. It's magnificent kid, truly." Ollie beamed.

"Well I've been hit with some new inspiration, so maybe that rubbed off on my later revisions."

Ollie raised a brow, "New inspiration? That sounds like a novel in the works."

"Maybe." I shrugged trying to stay casual. "Don't want to get anyone's hopes up but I may be bringing back a fan favorite."

"If you're doing another Archanon book you better tell me before it gets too serious." He warned me, "You know I want to read it first."

"We'll see." I said.

"I hear you've been doing quite well in other areas too, you know. Especially the more personal parts of your life." Ollie said, clearly baiting me.

"What are you talking about?" I hadn't told anyone about Lilah, and I especially hadn't told Ollie about the state of our relationship.

"Well word is that the most eligible young writer on the market has just been bought. Care to comment?" The smug smile Ollie wore brought me to a new level of irritation that I hadn't previously felt before with him.

"It's true." I said and then begrudgingly added, "Thank you for introducing us."

"I'm sorry, the program froze. What did you say?"

"I said you're pushing your luck old man." I grunted.

Ollie chuckled, "At this age I got to push it where I can."

I sighed, knowing I was doing that whole stubborn thing again, "Well thank you, really. I should trust your judgment more often."

"Well that's what makes me the best agent in the business Marley, my dear."

"I'll try to remember that next time you push me into something."

"Do that." He said with a point of his finger. "I've got stuff I need to take care of, but you stay on whatever creative roll you got going. Hear me?"

"I hear you." I told him.

"And if you are doing a new Archanon novel, let me know. I'm curious what loophole you're going to exploit to make it canon."

He hung up before I could respond and the smile I wore faltered. Hadn't I said that exact thing to Lilah about loopholes? Couldn't I just write without having to explain the how, why and where all the time?

I looked over at the typewriter sitting next to my desktop and frowned. The vigor I had for my new manuscript lost all life. I couldn't muster myself to even think about touching the keys with this doubt that Ollie had planted. He couldn't just shut up sometimes, could he?

I put my hands over my face and groaned. "Fuck."

The writer's block that came over me was so strong and sudden that I was shaken by it. Not in years had I felt a block as fierce as this. My temples started to pound as I tried to route around the possibilities of the loophole that Ollie had mentioned. How would I exploit such a thing to please absolutely everyone? How could I do it and still make the story work?

As the intense migraine came over me, I wished that I had chosen any other profession. I knew that was a silly thing to think, I couldn't just stop being a writer of course. You could slow down and get sloppy, but you never stopped-that was the magic of it. However the downside was beating your head against an imaginary wall like I was doing now.

There wouldn't be any forward progress when I was torturing my brain like this. I stood from the chair and left my office. A couple aspirin and a walk, that was sure to clear some things up. Then I could get back to work.

***

I didn't wait for Lilah to invite me over anymore before I went to see her. There had been a few times where I just showed up completely unannounced. Twice Lilah hadn't been there when I came to visit and somehow Alex and I ended up having very civil and pleasant conversations. It gave me hope that we could at least be friends again someday.

When I strolled down the sidewalk to Lilah and Alex's place the first thing I noticed was that both of them were sitting outside. Lilah was sitting at least. Alex looked like she was sliding back and forth somehow. On closer glance I noticed that Alex was standing on a skateboard and was shifting her hips back and forth to make the board slide from side to side.

I was surprised to see that Alex still skated. She had always told me that skating was her escape but I still figured she would hang it up when she got a little older. I watched her for a second longer, remembering all the times that I had seen her on a skateboard. She still had all the grace and confidence in her movement now as she did back then.

I didn't want to be caught awkwardly watching Alex so I got closer to them and raised a hand in greeting, "Hey there!"

Lilah beamed at my appearance and rushed over to throw her arms around me. I loved how she was always so enthusiastic to see me. She made me feel wanted whenever I was around.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Just from her tone you could tell she didn't ask because she didn't want me around. Lilah thought that she wasn't worthy of my time. To me this was a completely ridiculous notion.

I shrugged, "Just in the neighborhood."

"Thirteen blocks away from your house with no car? A likely excuse Webby." Alex said and hopped off the board. She popped it up into her hand and walked over to where Lilah and I were standing.

"That's the whole truth and nothing but Sunshine." I replied with a grin.

I noticed Lilah wasn't smiling though. Something about the old connection that Alex and I were rekindling seemed to unnerve her. I wish there was a way that I could let her know that Alex would never make me love her any less.

"I'm guessing this is a long shot, but do you still skate?" Alex asked with a curious glance.

"It's been awhile." I said.

"You used to skate with them?" Lilah's demeanor changed from the pout she had just been wearing in an instant. She giggled beside me. "I just can't see it."

I raised a brow, "How come? Do I not look cool enough to you?"

Lilah shrugged, a wide smile plastered on her face now.

"Cool or not, Marley used to shred back in the day." Alex said.

"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment or not." I said and held my hand out to Alex. "Let me see that."

Alex handed me the board with a wide grin, I'm sure she was curious if I was about to eat cement. "No laughing from either of you when this goes south." I said over my shoulder and dropped the board to the ground. I put a foot on the board and rolled it back and forth, testing out the wheels. They felt fast under my feet.

"Here goes nothing." I muttered to myself and pushed off the ground. Even I expected to fall face forward, but I didn't. I wasn't as smooth or graceful as I used to be, but I still had the balance down.

There was something else that was still there too. That rush I got that cleared my mind of everything but the board under my feet. I remembered so many nights that I had gone out to skate just to help process through the writer's block or overwhelming thoughts.

I popped the front two wheels of the board up and balanced my weight back more, riding into a manual. I could only keep the board up for a few seconds before I had to slam it back down, but it was amazing that I could do that even.

Skating was still therapeutic, and with everything that I had been feeling since Ollie's phone call I could use some therapy. I was tired of the expectations of being a famous writer. I was tired of the attention. I was tired of the limitations.

I got out of the groove of skating when my adult brain shifted back to my problems in a way that my teenage brain never did. My feet shifted too far when I went to turn the board and I tumbled forward. That's what I got for dwelling.

"Marley!" I heard Lilah scream first, followed by the rushed footfalls of two individuals. At least Alex cared enough to check if I had killed myself. Or she just wanted to get her board before it rolled into traffic...

[rajkumari]

"I'm okay." I muttered and stood up with a groan. "It's just been awhile."

"Couldn't tell at first and then you fell on your face and I really saw it." Alex joked.

Lilah slapped her friend in the arm and scowled, "Really Alex?"

"No she's right." I said. "I stopped focusing."

Alex nodded, "That's the big no-no. You always have to pay attention."

"I know. I never use to have that problem." I sighed. "But I have all this crap on my mind about the manuscript I'm working on. I can't shake it."

"The new Archanon book?" Lilah asked, her face lighting up in excitement.

"You're doing another Archanon book?" Alex asked immediately after and arched a perfect brow.

So much for secrecy.

"I'm toying with the idea." I said and a sudden thought hit me. Lilah told me a friend had got her into my work before. She had been talking about Alex the whole time. "Wait a second, you've been reading my books?"

Alex blushed, "Just because I was mad at you doesn't mean I don't like your creative imagination."

Lilah scoffed, "Borderline obsessed is a better term. She's read all of your novels a dozen times at least. Even the bad ones."

"Shut up." Alex said curtly.

I grinned but didn't push the topic. Just knowing that Alex was still as enthralled with my work as she was when we were kids was very satisfying. I wasn't willing to say it out loud, but her opinion still mattered a great deal to me.

"I'm just not sure how I feel about writing it now. My agent said something about exploiting a loophole to make it work, which is exactly what I had thought after I started writing it in the first place. I have no idea how the fans would react to it." I explained.

I saw Lilah roll her eyes. Her thoughts had already been made clear about what other people thought. I didn't disagree with her either, but I was easily convinced to think more negatively than positively.

"Why did you start writing a new book in the first place?" Alex asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it just as quick. Alex was always good at asking me the tough questions I never asked myself. This instance was no exception to her impeccable skill. I thought about it before answering slowly.

"I wanted to write something I would actually enjoy." Saying the words out loud was like telling the truth about how I felt to myself.

"So enjoy writing it." Alex said.

Lilah had given me good advice to see the beauty of what I created, but Alex's answer was so simple and perfect it was hard to deny. It didn't matter what anyone thought, I wasn't writing this for anyone. I was writing it for me-and maybe a little bit for Lilah too.

I grin tugged on my lips as I thought about another conversation I had previously had, this one with Alex in my Aunt's living room years before. "I thought I was supposed to share my gift?"

Alex met my eyes and smiled, "Sometimes it's okay to be selfish."

Lilah sighed, "I'm missing another inside joke here, aren't I?"

"Not really." Alex said. "Marley was just referencing a pep talk I gave her once."

"Alex told me it was selfish to have an ability that I refused to share with the world. It was what convinced me to try and get published actually." I added.

"So by that logic, Alex is the reason you're famous." Lilah pointed out.

Alex grinned smugly, "Yeah Marley, the logic doesn't lie."

I shrugged, smiling myself. "I'm not disputing it. You pushed me harder than anyone else to make something of myself. So who am I to argue your contribution to my success? We used to make a damn good team after all."

Alex blushed and Lilah looked away from us. I had said something wrong. I wasn't sure what but I realized it instantly.

"So, uh, what were you guys up to?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck and averting my eyes from either of their faces.

"I was heading up to visit my brother." Lilah said her voice slightly harder than I had become accustomed to. "I wanted to see him and Laura before she delivers."

"Would you mind if I tagged along?" I asked. My mind argued that I could have a chance to visit my aunt, but I knew full well the only reason I was offering was to get back into Lilah's good graces. That submission to her happiness disturbed me a little bit.

Lilah considered, or at least made it look like she was considering, before she finally nodded. "All right. I could use some company on the drive."

"Just me and you then?" I thought that was an innocent question, but I apparently stepped on another landmine.

"Is that going to be okay?" she snapped. I had never seen this side of Lilah before. It was almost bitchy. I made a note not to make her mad again and wished for the life of me that I could figure out what I had done to piss her off soon.

I did my best to play cool and casual. "Totally."

"Good." Lilah replied curtly and turned on her heel in the direction of the car. I exchanged a 'what the fuck?' glance with Alex when Lilah had turned her back. Alex shrugged to show how much she understood about the sudden mood change.

Regardless of her attitude I jogged to catch up with Lilah. I took a break from writer's block hell to come and see her-not Alex. Lilah was the one that was able to soothe my soul when I felt distressed, couldn't she see that?

"I didn't want to say this in front of Alex because it's kind of a secret, but I'm almost finished with the thirteenth chapter. I just hit a terrible writer's block because of Ollie." This was my way of breaking the dreadful silence in the car.

"If it's a secret why did you tell me?" Lilah asked in that same hard voice she had been using with me before.

"Because you're my girlfriend." I replied with a cheeky smile. I figured this would break her scowl and I was right. Lilah gave me a sideways glance and smiled ever so slightly. I knew she wouldn't be able to help it. She liked it when I recognized our relationship.

"You can't tell me anything else can you?"

I shook my head, "Not yet, but hopefully soon. I just want things to progress a little farther in the story before I decide if anyone would want to read it. Don't worry though, you'll be the first to see it." Ollie be damned.

Lilah's smile turned real and genuine finally. I breathed a sigh of relief like I had just defused a bomb. No one wanted to know what happened when Lilah actually exploded. Being in the mere vicinity of her bad mood was awful enough.

"Any plans when we get there?"

"Not really. Things are usually pretty loose when we hang out. I know Bobby prefers it that way. I don't get down there enough, so I don't like putting pressure on anything either."

"I hear you there." I sighed. "I don't visit nearly as often as I should. It would be good to swing by and see my aunt while we're in town."

"I haven't seen Tanya in awhile either." Lilah said.

I rolled my eyes, "Everyone in California knows my aunt."

"If you were born after seventy five and lived in a fifty mile radius of her, you knew Tanya."

"Why is that anyways?" I had always been curious how she had amassed such a cult following in the youth around her.

"A lot of us came from broken homes. Runaways mostly, or just no one at home that cared enough. She raised half of the kids in that town. Our dad was an alcoholic, so we spent time with Tanya because she would remember to feed us and take care of us if something happened. Alex's mom was always AWOL so that's why she was so close to her." Lilah shrugged, "All a matter of circumstance really, but Tanya was gracious enough to basically adopt the lot of us."

"She said she babysat some kids and that was it." I scoffed. "Count on Tanya to minimize the good she does."

"That's Tanya for you all right." Lilah giggled. Her usual, bouncy nature was starting to make its comeback. "Well, here we are."

"Really?" I asked. "This drive seems to take forever when I'm alone."

"Maybe I was speeding." Lilah said with a wink and got out of the car. I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face. I loved Lilah for her cheeky remarks sometimes.

Bobby was excited, albeit confused, at my arrival with Lilah. He greeted us each with a hug and a wide smile. I don't think I had ever seen Bobby so damn chipper.

"Marley! What are you doing here girl?" he asked with an enthused voice.

"Lilah said she was coming down to visit so I figured I would tag along." I said.

"Cool, cool." He replied. He didn't ask about how I knew Lilah and that was a bit of a relief and a huge stress at the same time. I wasn't ready yet for Bobby to find out that I wasn't just with Lilah, I was with Lilah.

***

Pockets told me that Tanya was in Anaheim getting tests done so I wouldn't get to see her on this visit. It was upsetting since I had no idea how long I had with her. It would be easier if she would just tell me exactly what was going on.

Instead Lilah and I spent hours just talking with the two of them until Bobby suggested going out for dinner. We went for a night time walk after the meal. I always seemed to find myself outside and meandering about when I came back here-especially at night. It was like there was something in the atmosphere that made you want to just roam aimlessly.

No one seemed eager to start the conversation again. It might have been the lack of topics that were left to talk about or the wonderful feel of the calm California night breeze that had our tongues stilled. Finally one word broke the silence and all eyes turned to Bobby.

"So." There was a clear change in the conversations atmosphere with that one simple word. "Are you still living with her?" Bobby asked. I could see Pockets roll her eyes behind her husband. She clearly didn't care either way, she was just tired of hearing about the subject.

"Yes. Alex is my best friend." Lilah said defensively and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Anything else?" Bobby raised his brows and I felt my stomach tighten up.

It got twisted into an even more abstract knot when Lilah looked at me. Somehow it got worse when Bobby's eyes followed Lilah's and looked at me as well. I wasn't sure what they were expecting from me but this discomfort was unbearable, I had to say something.

"She's not with Alex." I blurted out, "She's with me." All three of them stared at me wordlessly.

Bobby collected himself first. "I-Is it true?" he stammered out to his sister.

Lilah grabbed my shirt sleeve tightly and nodded her head. "Yes."

Bobby looked at Lilah then me and back to his sister again. "Okay."

"Okay? Just like that?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah. You're cool Webster. I know you'll be good to my sis." Bobby said with confidence.

"You barely know me compared to Alex. What makes me okay, but not her? What's the problem with her?" I was angry about how he brushed this off after his constant bullying about Alex.

"I don't want to get into that. It's not important." Bobby brushed the question off, but I wasn't giving up.

"It is important, because I want to know." Why did I want to know anyways?

"She abandoned us!" Bobby yelled. He stopped and took a few moments to compose himself then began again. "She left without so much as a good bye and forgot about us completely."

"How's that any different than what I did?" I asked.

Pockets shook her head, speaking up for the first time. "We love you Marley, but this is different. Alex was one of us from the beginning."

I was so confused. Hadn't Tanya told me that Alex came to visit her every week? Why would she lie to me about that? Why would Bobby and Pockets lie though?

That's when I realized that Alex must have been avoiding them this whole time. That confused me even more-why would she avoid the closest friends she ever had? None of it added up.

"Why do you care so much?" Lilah asked her hands balled into fists.

Her anger struck me off guard just like it had earlier. "It just doesn't seem fair I guess." I mumbled.

Lilah rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She said and stomped off.

I could hear Pockets behind me scolding her husband. "See this is what happens when you don't just let her live her life! She's a big girl Robert." I wasn't around to her Bobby's defense though.

"Wait!" I called and ran after her. "Lilah wait!" I said again, catching up to her finally.

"Forget about it, let's just go home." She muttered.

What did I do to fuck up so much today? "Okay." I replied in a near whisper.

We walked silently to the car. The ride home was just as unbearable. I kept thinking over everything today, everything that I had said and done. I couldn't really put my finger on what could have made Lilah as mad as she was.

Especially since I had never seen her angry at all before. She seemed so laid back and calm normally, the thought that she had an angry aggressive side was a shock in the first place. I still wasn't sure how to handle it. I tried being patient and nice, but it barely broke through for a minute. I continued to mull over this prospect as Lilah pulled up to my house.

"Here you go, have a good night." Lilah's voice was stiff as she delivered her goodbye and her eyes were straight ahead and focused.

That curt, uncaring tone was the thing that made my nice, patient side snap finally. "Okay I can't let this go on any longer. What the hell is wrong with you today?"

Lilah's jaw tightened in synchronization with her hands on the steering wheel. Her eyes narrowed and she exhaled through her nose. "You both want each other. I don't know why you're letting me stand in your way." The words came out in a sudden rush and I had to wonder if she even meant to say what she did out loud.

"What the fuck are you talking about Lilah?" I asked, getting louder for no reason.

"You share inside jokes and call each other those stupid nicknames. Alex even talks about you when you're not around. You clearly want to be with each other." Lilah's voice broke as if she were near tears. "I don't know why I won't let you."

"Lilah I love you. I told you that. There is no competition between you and Alex and there never will be. As long as you want me, I'm yours." This was as honest as I could be with her.

"You would be happier with Alex, she would be better for you." Lilah babbled, clearly not believing a word that I had said to her.

I sighed and got out of the car. I could see her put her head in her hands as I walked to her side of the car. I opened the door and crouched down to be at her sitting level.

"Would you like to join me inside?" I asked in a soft voice and held my hand out to her.

Lilah considered that hand for an agonizingly long minute before lightly placing her fingertips in my palm. I touched the backs of her fingers with mine and smiled before standing up and lacing my digits with Lilah's.

It occurred to me that this was the first time I had invited Lilah into my home when I noticed her looking around curiously. "Does everything meet your expectations?" I asked with a smirk.

"Not as lavish as I would expect." Lilah admitted.

"No. That's not my style." I said and shook my head. "I'm plain and simple. Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"I'm okay." She said her eyes downcast.

"Fair enough. How would you like to see where the magic happens then?" Lilah's eyes remained on the ground, but her chin tilted up towards me a little at my offer. "C'mon."

I didn't wait for her response. Instead I took her hand in mine again and led her to my office. Bookshelves lined most of the walls, full to the brim with text. The parts of walls space that weren't covered in books, were normal shelves with a variety of items. Everything from action figures and knick knacks to full size fantasy weapons. To the untrained eye there was nothing particularly special about this room, it was just a library that was full of random junk. To me it was the most magical place on the planet, hence the reason I spent so much time in here closing out the rest of the world.

Lilah must have understood how I felt because she uttered a low gasp upon entering my sacred place. She took a few steps forward and ran her fingers across the spines of volumes shelved around the room, her eyes scanning titles and authors as she went along. I hung back and watched her reaction, feeling that warmth in me again that only Lilah could give. I had been with a lot of girls in my years, but only Lilah filled me up with that warmth that seemed to touch my very soul.

"That's the Arch Blade." Lilah said in absolute wonder and pointed to the sword displayed on my desk.

"Mmhmm. It's sharp too." I hummed and walked over to her. I slipped my hands around her waist from behind and kissed her neck. "So what do you think?"

"This place is amazing." Lilah breathed, her voice much more subdued with my sudden closeness.

"You're amazing." I whispered in her ear. Sure it was cheesy but I got the reaction I wanted. Lilah turned red, like she always did when I complimented her.

"And I know that I can be a pain in the ass without realizing it sometimes." I continued, still pitching my voice low as I rested my chin against her shoulder and spoke into her neck. "But you have to know by now that I never mean to upset you on purpose, okay?"

Lilah turned around, breaking from my grasp, her eyes full of doubt. "With you being who you are and me being who I am how am I supposed to believe that you could actually be in love with me? I want to Marley, but I can't. I keep expecting to wake up every day like this is all just a dream."

I pulled her back into my arms, catching Lilah by surprise. She drew her brow together and fluttered her eyelashes like she didn't know exactly what my intention was-like she couldn't see it in my eyes that I was planning on kissing her. Not until my lips were mere inches away from hers did Lilah's lids drop. Now she finally understood my game.

It was always this demureness about her that had me aching inside more than anything. It wasn't just the possibility of corrupting her-even though that was definitely on my mind-but the fact she was such a rare breed. I had never met someone as innocent and pure as Lilah. She wasn't perfect by any means of course, but compared to me she was a saint.

I gripped her tighter, the need in me rising fast and heavy. For a second I thought that Lilah would just go along with it unlike usual. Of course I was quickly proved wrong.

"We have to stop." Lilah said breathlessly. "I-I should go."

"No." I growled. My sudden reaction shocked me and it visibly startled Lilah. I collected myself with a sigh, "No. Please don't stop."

Lilah chewed on her lip. "I'm nervous." She said in a very low voice.

"I would never do anything to hurt you." I assured her and kissed her forehead.

"I know, but I don't want to disappoint you, and I know you're expecting me to be-"

"Lilah." I said loudly enough to startle her again before grabbing her face, effectively shutting her up. "I'm not expecting anything. I just want you-all of you-right here, right now."

I felt the shudder run through Lilah, and that was as good a response as any. I claimed her lips again and she squeaked out in surprise. She sighed immediately after that squeak and raised her hands to rest on my arms.

I could feel the surrender in her as I explored her mouth. There wasn't a timid resistance in her movements anymore, she was letting my tongue explore anywhere and everywhere it wanted. She was letting me take charge finally and the result was the messiest-and easily the most passionate-make out session I had ever participated in with Lilah.

So passionate in fact that we crashed into one of the walls and a shower of books came crashing down around us from the top. Lilah pulled back from me, her eyes apologetic. I could see that she was about to stammer out some sort of apology, but I spoke first.

[rajkumari]

"Maybe not right here. Perhaps the bedroom is a better choice." I said with a toothy smile. Lilah grinned and nodded, a look of relief washing over her in an instant. Late nights in front of the monitor were a common routine for me, so my bedroom was conveniently located across the hall from my office. The last thing I wanted at five a.m. when I couldn't keep my eyes open was a scavenger hunt for my room.

I ushered her in and picked up where I had left off. Lilah had become stiff and anxious again in the short transition, her hands held closely to her side. I took one of her hands in mine and brought the wrist up to my lips and kissed it lightly before placing it around my neck. I repeated the action with her other hand, my eyes burning into Lilah's the whole time. Her lips were slightly parted and she watched me with a gaze that was hypnotized.

My hands slipped down from her arms to circle her waist. My fingertips rested on the top of her shapely behind and gently massaged that area; not going any further south but showing the clear intent that they wanted to. Lilah bit her lip but didn't protest to the presence of my digits.

"I love you." I had used those words as a line before, but right now that was the furthest from my true intention. Staring down at those light blue eyes I knew I loved her deeper than I had ever loved in my life. More than I had loved Alex even, because this was a more mature and deep love. Lilah was the missing piece of me that settled everything else. "Do you believe me?"

"Yes." She answered, less stupefied now.

"I want to show you how much I love you." My stomach turned at hearing those words escape my lips. The last time someone said that it didn't go so well. I had an unconscious desire to look behind me, there was a rising fear that somehow my mother would be standing there, waiting to scold me for my life choices. This all flooded through my brain in a matter of nanoseconds, with less time than that I gave the boot to those sour thoughts.

"Okay." Lilah heaved a sigh, not noticing my moment of distress at all. "I'm ready." She didn't sound like she was about to have sex with her girlfriend for the first time, she sounded like she was about to receive the death penalty. I tried not to take it personally.

I nudged her nose with mine and Lilah's eyes fluttered closed, expecting the kiss that was to come just a moment later. She had, of course, wised up since our earlier interaction. I hesitated before meeting her lips, lingering just a hair's breadth away from touching hers. I could feel the breath coming from her parted lips and I was sure she could feel mine as well. The warm tingle I had felt earlier became a burning hot tug deep in my gut, pulling me into the kiss that Lilah was expecting.

Lilah caught me off guard by plunging her tongue into my mouth. I hummed my approval at her initiative and took a better grip on her behind, digging my fingers into the meat of her cheeks. Lilah parted from our kiss to utter a hungry moan. I removed a hand from her backside and tangled it in her hair before tugging her lips back to me.

The passion was lighting up like it had in my office, but in here there was a much lower chance of hurting each other-or the room for that matter. With a hand in her hair and the other clinging to her ass, I walked Lilah to the bed. We tumbled onto it blindly, gasping, giggling and grabbing at each other. Lilah was right, she was indeed ready. So ready actually, that she was trying desperately to tug my shirt up.

"Hold on." I said and broke from her kiss. Lilah pouted her lower lip, making her even more irresistible. I grinned and pulled the shirt over my head. I did away with the bra for good measure.

Lilah's return smile was sly and sexy. Her eyes burned with lust as she pounced on top of me and started kissing along my chest. This was the last thing I expected, but I wasn't complaining. Still, I was absolutely blown away with this side of her.

My fingers crept up to the straps of her dress and slid them off her shoulders. This action didn't go unnoticed by Lilah. She ceased her feather light kisses across my skin and threw me a smoldering glance from under those impossibly long lashes. My breath caught in my chest but my fingers didn't stop pushing that cotton fabric down, revealing more and more of Lilah's creamy skin.

Lilah bit her lip and sat up on my hips to make the process easier. I was pleased to see that her firm, perky young breasts weren't trapped down by a bra. I didn't go right for them though.

One of my hands came to rest on Lilah's thigh while the other drew a lazy looping pattern along her stomach. When I made a quick ascent up her midsection I felt her inhale and hold her breath. My fingers went between her breasts and up to her face without even grazing either side. I cupped Lilah's cheek and she exhaled raggedly. My grin stretched, it was fun to keep her on the edge like this.

My hand went from Lilah's thigh to her hip to push her back on my lap so I could sit up. She complied with my touch as if she knew exactly what I wanted from her. I loved how compatible we were in everything. It was good to know that it stretched into our physical relationship as well.

My thumb traced along her cheekbone while I gazed into her eyes deeply. I didn't have the words to tell her everything I wanted to say. I didn't know how to say that she wasn't just another girl or that she was the most precious thing in my life or that she would never have to worry about me being unfaithful. Even as a writer, I lacked the words to describe what was inside of me to Lilah.

"Kiss me." Lilah breathed.

This time I was the one that shuddered. So sweet and simple, she was captivating all the same. My Lilah.

I pulled her closer to me by the hip in the same moment I met her request. I could feel the heat coming off of her smooth, satin skin, but more importantly I could feel her nipples stiffening against mine. Lilah's chest rose and fell rapidly with her heaving breaths, which caused her nipples to rub all along my breasts. There was a definite wet patch starting to grow in my pants.

My hand slipped from her face and came to the other side of her waist. I gripped her hips tightly. I always loved a girl with nice hips and Lilah didn't disappoint in that department. She was petite in stature, but she had curves in every place they ought to be on a woman.

Without any warning I pushed Lilah backwards on the bed sending her legs up in the air. I caught her ankles with one hand and flung them over my shoulder before I began working her dress up those legs until it was out of sight.

Lilah did her best to look coy, but for the first time since I met her I knew it was just an act. I could see the lust burning brighter than ever in her electric blue eyes. She probably wouldn't say it out loud but we wanted the exact same thing right now, and I had every intention of making it happen.

I ran a hand along her legs. "You're so beautiful." I murmured, eliciting a sweet smile from Lilah.

"I love you." She said.

I smirked and took the waist band of her panties between my fingers before the intimate garment went up her thighs and onto the floor with everything else. I kissed each of her knees and spread her legs apart, then settled on my elbows in front of her glistening folds. I tucked my arms underneath her thighs and drug her forward a few more inches, so that our lips were so close she could feel my breath when I spoke.

"And I love you." I said and flicked my eyes up to Lilah's.

She uttered a tiny moan and rocked her hips in obvious desire, her stare still burning a hole into me. I knew that I had a cocky grin just before my mouth touched her pussy, but after that moment I wasn't concerned about looking or acting cool any more. The second I tasted Lilah I only cared about how much pleasure I could bring her. I was only concerned with savoring every drop of her sweet nectar.

Lilah moaned louder and grabbed my shoulders in a vice like grip. In turn I dug my fingers into her thighs and flicked my tongue against her clit over and over again. Lilah threw her head back and sunk her nails into my skin, shamelessly pushing her crotch into my face. You could see how much Lilah not only wanted this, but how much she really needed it. I had no idea why she had kept such a distance between us, I would have been happy to take care of her much sooner if she would have let me.

In fact I was more than happy too. I didn't know if Lilah could tell or not, but I was enjoying this experience just as much as she was. There was a certain satisfaction that I took from bringing my lovers to the height of ecstasy and I had longed to bring Lilah there for quite some time.

The tiny sting of Lilah's nails on my back and shoulders left all at once. She grabbed my head with both hands and pushed me into her pussy until I was smothered in it. "Right there, right there, right there." she whimpered in a constant stream of rushed breaths. I did my best to meet Lilah's request, licking her clit in the spot she was pushing me towards, while also trying to maintain the ability to breathe.

Thankfully I was rewarded by a warm stream that ran across my chin not long after Lilah took control of my head. I lapped up everything that was coming out of her the best I could, but it was hard with how much Lilah's orgasm was producing. I knew that I failed at getting every bit overall. Lilah's grip on me finally loosened and I sat up and stretched my neck out. I had only a moment to relieve the tension from being down there before my love was attacking me with passion fueled kisses.

"Is this your way of saying that I did a good job?" I mumbled out between kisses.

Lilah pulled back from my lips to bit on my earlobe and mutter, "You know you did a good job. I don't need to stroke your ego."

"I have something else you can stroke instead." I told her, my voice low and full of want.

Lilah cupped my sex through my jeans and pressed her middle finger in, sending a delightful shock to my core. "Somewhere in this region?" she purred, her lips still so close to my ear. Her voice, her touch, everything was adding up for a devastating effect on me.

"You're in the right region, but I think what you're looking for is buried deeper." I said, breathing much heavier already.

Lilah had already begun unzipping my jeans as I spoke. She grinned and inched the denim down my legs. "Guess I should get digging then." She said, that sexy smile reappearing from earlier.

Where was my girlfriend and who was this sex kitten she had suddenly been replaced by?

I licked the tips of two fingers and circled one of Lilah's nipples slowly. She had been tugging at my panties, but her actions came to a complete halt at my touch. She threw me a glance that said very clearly 'that's not fair'. It made me grin and move to the other nipple, but I had no plan of stopping. Lilah bit her lip again and yanked my panties off rather unceremoniously.

Her head bowed down to one of my nipples and enveloped it between her warm lips. At the same time, her hand had crept between my legs to start rubbing along my slick center. She nibbled along the nipple in her mouth while her free hand thumbed across the other one lazily.

Her fingers found the hard bud of my clit and Lilah's tongue played on my nipples in the same pattern and speed that her fingers used on my pussy. She would stroke up and down then her tongue would flick my nipple in the same manner. When her digits began to circle the nub she took the whole nipple in her mouth again and ran her tongue around it.

She had me so overloaded on stimulation that my eyes rolled in the back of my head and I bucked my hips up aimlessly. I could feel the orgasm I had lusted after for these last three months right there. I wanted it so bad.

"Lilah." I moaned, as if calling out her name would help me get there somehow.

Lilah's fingers glided down my cheek, so light they left a tingling on my skin after they left. My eyes fluttered open and she grinned at me fondly. "Cum for me, okay babe?" I nodded dumbly. Anything, I would do absolutely anything for Lilah.

Just that will to please her tipped the scales. I held Lilah's wrist tightly, making sure it didn't go anywhere. My stomach and teeth clenched through my orgasm, only the sound of labored breathing escaping past my lips.

Lilah had begun rubbing herself while she watched me cum. I slapped her hand away and grabbed her by the hips, placing her on top of my sopping pussy. I kicked my leg up onto Lilah's shoulder and gripped her harder before moving my own hips against her. Lilah wrapped her arms around my leg and ground against me, catching my rhythm without missing a beat.

"Your turn now." I said with a grin. I couldn't deny how good it felt of course, but this was about getting my gorgeous blond girlfriend off again more than anything. Lilah held onto me for dear life, her eyes squinted closed tightly and her hips moving against me faster by the minute. Her increased tempo had me on the verge of cumming again, but I knew she had to be close too with the way she was moving.

"Ah!" Lilah cried loudly and arched her back. The way her golden locks bounced off of her heaving breasts through her orgasm was so sexy to me. I focused on only that and ground her hips into me for the last few seconds I needed to get to that point of no return as well. Lilah kissed all along the leg in my grip until I stopped bucking my hips.

We fell over on the bed in a sweaty, shuddering tangle of limbs. I hadn't felt this satisfied in the long time. I might not have ever felt as satisfied as I did right now.

"That was incredible." I panted. "You really had some tricks up your sleeve I didn't see coming."

Lilah giggled, "You can thank porn for that."

"Good to know." I let out my own shaky laugh, still coming down from the high of my orgasm. "I don't want to move." I groaned.

Lilah snuggled closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder and gentle kisses on my neck. "So don't."

"You're making a pretty convincing argument." I mumbled, ready for sleep.

"Good." Lilah muttered, clearly spent. "Don't ever move. Just stay with me right here forever."

I may still be ignorant, but I wasn't a fool. There was no place or person in the world that would bring me as much satisfaction and joy that Lilah gave me. I kissed the top of her head and whispered into her hair. "Forever..."

December, 2005

I was over Lilah's left shoulder, Alex over her right. The three of us looked down in disdain at the paper the doctor handed Lilah, none of us saying a word. What could you say at all?

Lilah broke that awkward hush though. Of course she would. "It is what it is." She said with a voice that was incredibly calm.

"This isn't just it, there's something that we can do." Alex said much louder. She was angry and Lilah was subdued. I was just in shock.

"Terminal..." I muttered.

Both of them looked at me simultaneously. Lilah with a slow considerate turn of her head and Alex with a whip snap of her neck to give me a 'how dare you say that!' look. Still complete and utter polar opposites. Alex ignored me and dove into the multiple options that Lilah could look into with the doctor. I slipped into a sort of daze, wondering how it could have got here.

Lilah thought it was nothing when she had fainted during our one year anniversary dinner a few months back, even though I was concerned I let it slide because she insisted. When her breathing got worse I started taking her to doctors despite her protest. I thought maybe something might need an operation at worst around that time.

When the actual truth came around however, none of us-not Lilah, Alex or least of all, me-were prepared to face the truth. After countless tests and visits to different specialists, they finally figured it out and it was all on that paper. Lilah was in the late stages of bone cancer and her lungs had started growing tumors as well through metastases. They gave her a few weeks at worst and a few months at best, depending on the treatment sought.

I listened in numb shock as they went through everything that could be done and what was recommended. At the end of it though, the fact remained that there was no one hundred percent guarantee that anything would prolong Lilah's life expectancy. Doing nothing was just as bad or good as doing something.

That was the real frustrating part. There was no grand solution to solve it all. The problem was ambiguous as it was deadly.

The silence that resonated within our little trio was almost maddeningly quiet. I thought that it would just continue on forever and ever until Alex finally snapped. Unfortunately she snapped right at me.

"You could have been more supportive you know."

"What did I do?" I spat defensively.

Alex scoffed, "It's what you didn't do Marley. You just stood there like a deer in the headlights."

"Excuse me for not knowing how to process what's going!" Both of our voices were reaching a high point and in the compact space inside the car, they were beginning to resonate off the steel plates and make the growing argument even louder.

"It doesn't matter how you process, this isn't about you!" Alex shouted.

"Stop it, both of you!" Lilah cried.

The silence returned immediately and remained until we got back to my house. Lilah wouldn't move in with me for some reason, but she spent most of her time here anyways. Eventually Alex warmed her way into lazing around and watching TV on the flat screen when Lilah would come to see me-it was almost as if they were some sort of package deal. This day was no different, despite the bad news we had just received.

Alex flopped down on my couch and began to channel surf, an ugly scowl still painted across her beautiful face. Lilah began the trek upstairs however, mumbling something about needing to lay down for a bit. I figured she just needed the space to get away from the two of us and think.

I didn't want to keep up the animosity with Alex all day because we had different perspectives and were handling this shock in separate extremes. I leaned against the back of the couch by Alex's head and stared straight on at the TV. "You weren't wrong you know." I said pitching my voice low to keep the conversation between the two of us.

"Why couldn't you just say that before?" Alex replied through grit teeth.

"Same reason why I didn't say anything more when we got the news: I panicked." It was a lame excuse, but one that was completely true nonetheless. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Me too." Alex grunted out. We both stared at the TV with dead eyes, not really watching the show that was on at all.

"Maybe you should go talk to her." Alex said with a shrug a few minutes later, still refusing to look at me. On one hand I didn't want to disturb Lilah if she did want to be alone, on the other hand however, I didn't want Lilah believing that I didn't care about helping her through this. I caved to Alex's suggestion and found myself up the stairs, trying to figure out what exactly I was going to say.

I found Lilah sitting on the edge of my bed. She was fiddling with her hands in her lap and staring at the carpet fixedly with an anxious expression. She whipped her head up at the sound of me and changed her expression on a dime like the world's best actress. I hated that she thought she had to pretend for me.

"Hey." I said, sitting next to her and slipping an arm around her waist unconsciously.

Lilah shifted on the bed to scoot closer into my embrace. "Hey you. Get tired of fighting finally?"

"We put cease to the bloodshed instead." I joked in mock stoicism.