A story of love, loss and life - Trifecta - lesbian sex

[rajkumari]

Over the next hour I let Lilah tell me everything she desired, from crazy kitchen stories to her inability to Parallel Park. I was so enamored in everything she said, and the lewd thoughts that had danced around earlier had all but vanished. I began thinking at one point how I probably should have done this awhile ago. I was happy I hadn't though, I wouldn't have met Lilah then.

Lilah checked her watch and frowned, "I should probably be going. I have an early shift tomorrow."

"Can I walk you back to your car?" I asked a bit too quickly.

"No." she said.

That stung. I thought that we had really hit it off. "Oh. Okay."

"You can walk me home though. I live a couple blocks away." Lilah's grin told me that she had enjoyed tricking me. I wasn't sure if that made me like her more or not.

"You're on." I replied and stood up.

The night was cool, with crisp air that felt good to breathe in, something that didn't exist back in New York. It was something that I had missed from Washington as well. The west coast just felt good in your lungs.

"So," I said after a minute or so of walking with Lilah. "Can I see you again?"

"I would like that...but-" she hesitated, chewing on her lip instead of finishing her sentence.

"But?" I encouraged.

"Well the thing I said earlier about dating, I know that's how it is. Believe it or not you have a bit of a reputation and I'm not that girl." Lilah shrugged. 'It is what it is' the shrug said.

I mulled this over. She was saying that I would have to be all in on this. Did I want that? Could I even do that?

"All right." I said. I'm not sure either of us knew what it meant, because after that it was silent.

"This is it." Lilah said softly, her eyes on the ground.

I bit my lip and looked at her hard. She was such a pretty, funny, intelligent girl. I could give this a real try for once, couldn't I?

"Well good night." She said and began to walk towards the door.

"Lilah wait." I called out to her and she turned back, "I would really like to see you again. I'm not trying to ask you to be that girl. I just want to see you again."

She smiled. Like the first smile she had given me tonight, it was a blindingly beautiful.

"I'll keep in touch." She whispered and turned her back to me again.

"Oh, one more thing!" I said and she looked back.

I leaned in quick and gave her a peck on the cheek, "Good night." I muttered with a sly smile. I didn't wait for the repercussions, I just walked off. With a happy tune on my lips I decided that I would thank Ollie for this little set up after all.

***

Despite the fact that I still had a ton of work piled up I ended up deciding on a little road trip a few days later. The very concept of maybe getting into a relationship had brought back thoughts from a time that I had repressed long ago. Mixed in with those thoughts was something else that was entirely different however-the realization that I hadn't seen my aunt Tanya in over 8 years. It was true we had only been close for that summer, but it was enough that I missed her terribly sometimes. There had been many points after I moved to New York that I wished I could just call her up and ask for help.

There was every intention in my mind that I would go and see her once I came back to California, but as much as I wanted to see her there was a fear in the trip as well. The last thing I wanted was to see the girl that haunted my past. That would literally be the worst possible outcome ever. Of course, the desire to see my Aunt Tanya was greater than that petty fear.

Tanya's place looked more or less the same when I first pulled up. On closer inspection though, something seemed to be off. Where beds of flowers usually laid by the doors there was only patches of dirt and dead grass, obviously they had come up a while ago. The paint on the side paneling was peeling and there were small cracks forming up the stone steps as well.

My brows pulled together and I frowned. The Tanya I knew as a kid would have never allowed this kind of disarray to fall over her house. For a moment I wondered if it was actually her that would answer the door after I gave it three hard raps.

I uttered a sigh of relief when her face showed up from behind the door, but it quickly caught in my chest. Her appearance jarred me in the same way the house had. She looked mostly the same but there was something else not right.

There used to just be a sprinkling of gray in her dark locks, but now it shot right through to her scalp and made you ponder on her original hair color. The lines in her face had become deeply engraved and she seemed much skinnier. Not just skinnier though, she looked fragile.

Tanya blinked a few times, registering my appearance here. "Marley?" she finally choked out, her voice sounding as thin as the rest of her.

"Yeah." I nodded, trying to file away my shock, "It's so good to see you Aunt Tanya."

My aunt threw her frail arms around me and held tight. I hugged her back, afraid to press too hard and hurt her, but still just as tight. It was like the last time we had seen each other, our bond was still as strong as it was then.

"Don't let me keep you out here all day." She said with the same chuckle I remembered and ushered me in. "Can I get you something to drink? I just put a kettle on for some tea if you'd like a cup."

I smiled, "That sounds wonderful."

I sat on the couch and looked around. It was unsettling that the inside was in the same condition as the outside. She used to have such order and perfection to everything, this was chaos in comparison. Tanya brought me a cup and placed it on the table that had always been in front of the couch, before she sat next to me.

"Can I do anything to help you around here?" I said before I could help myself "It's just not fitting for everything to be falling apart, it's not you."

Tanya waved me off, "Not fitting for you to be concerned. Things get out of hand as you get older. Besides I'm sure you're far too busy to be worrying about it."

"That's what family's for." I said firmly. Granted my own family was far behind me, most likely to never be looked at again, but Tanya was different. She had always accepted me for exactly who I wanted to be and encouraged me to be better at everything I tried.

"You can't have come all the way out here just to dote on me Marley." Tanya said, trying to get me off the subject.

"Well I did." I said.

"No one else you came to see?" she eyed me up but I just stared back with an easy grin.

"No one else at all. Just you."

"You're as sweet as ever Marley." She said and smiled fondly at me. "Why don't you tell me about your life? I know there are all sorts of exciting things you've been up to."

"I hope you're just talking about my career. The tabloids lie you know." I chuckled.

They don't always lie, as someone astutely pointed out to you the other night.

"I don't read that garbage, you know that." Tanya said taking a sip of her tea with what I noticed was shaking hands. "I was talking about the movie!"

"Oh, the movie. Right. Well, it's going okay. They have me revising the entire novel though. Doesn't fit their idea for a screenplay or some other bullshit." I clapped my hand over my mouth, "Sorry about that."

"Marley I'm old, not innocent." Tanya said with a stern glance.

"Right, sorry." I chuckled again, "Well, besides the movie just working on a million other projects. Work never ends you know."

"I hope there's more to your life than just work. Hobbies? Pets? Someone special maybe?"

"Well..." I started, not knowing exactly what to say on that topic. "I did meet this really sweet girl the other night. My agent actually set me up on a blind date with her. I think he's trying to get me to settle down or something."

"Nothing wrong with settling down. Don't be like me and regret never doing it." Tanya advised.

"I'm just not sold on the idea yet I suppose." I shrugged and attempted to change the subject, "So do you still see the old gang by any chance?"

"Oh yeah, most of them never left." Tanya said with a vigorous nod of her head. "Jessie took over the local board shop a few years ago. Iggy opened a garage this last summer with his sister. Bobby and Laura are expecting their first little one in the next few months. A lot of exciting things going on, I'm very proud of them all."

"Laura?" the name didn't strike a memory anywhere.

Tanya chuckled, "Maybe you would know her better as Pockets."

"Her name is Laura?" I asked in surprise. Pockets had never revealed her real name to me, unlike the rest of the crew. "I would have never guessed."

"She hasn't gone by that nickname in years, none of them have. I guess they all just grew up one day." Tanya sighed as if the thought made her sad.

I didn't want to ask the next question, but I knew that I had to. "Alex?"

Tanya wouldn't look at me though. "She left not too long after you did. I don't think she was happy here anymore." She made sure to hastily add in, "Not that it was your fault."

"Hmmm." I replied and took a sip of tea.

"I'm sure the guys would be happy to see you if you're planning on being here for awhile." Tanya said, sensing my distance from the previous topic

"Just for the day probably, but I'm sure I could squeeze some time in. I'll probably bother Jessie if nothing else." I said with a laugh. I had spent a lot of time with Jessie and Alex just skating around back then. He was one of my closest friends that summer.

"Why don't you do that? No point sitting here with me all day." Tanya suggested.

"Aw, don't be like that. I've missed spending time with you."

"We'll have time." Tanya said and smiled, "Besides, I'm awfully tired. It's about time for my afternoon nap."

"Okay, if you're going to twist my arm." I replied, standing up. "But I'll be back again before I leave town."

"Come by around seven, I'll make you dinner."

She didn't have to ask me twice. Tanya used to have a pretty rigorous schedule from what I remembered, but the few times she did cook it knocked my socks off. "Deal. You have a good nap Aunt Tanya."

Walking from the front porch of Tanya's house was sort of like a blast from the past. How many times had I walked from this porch into the summer sun that year? Looking around the neighborhood from this view point, it looked as if nothing had changed. There were little things that weren't present in nineteen ninety-six, but most everything was completely frozen in time.

The little skate shop that we had frequented during my eighteenth summer was a stone's throw from Tanya's place. Probably why we went to that particular one when there was at least a half a dozen skate shops scattered around the town. I couldn't kick the thought of Jessie 'Stones' Sorence running anything, let alone a business. Time must have changed some things in order for that to be true.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the tall, broad shouldered African American man leaning over the counter with a pen in his mouth, his eyes scanning across the many pages scattered in front of him. The sound of the little bell over the door alerted him of my presence and he stood up straight and gave me a welcoming smile.

"Hi there ma'am, something I can get for you today?"

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I was shocked to see the changes in Stones. Since when did he wear glasses?

Jessie uttered a small laugh, "It's normal to be a little confused about all of this. Were you looking for something as a gift? I can explain anything for you so feel free to ask me questions."

Having my intelligence questioned by Jessie brought the life back to my tongue. "Fuck you Stones. I know my way around a board."

Jessie blinked a few times in surprise. Then he got a really good look at me. He shook his head in disbelief before saying one thing. "Marley?"

"Why is everyone saying my name like that? Like, are you asking me or telling me? I'm not a damn answer in Jeopardy." I said sarcastically.

"Good God it is you! Webster has returned to us!" Jessie exclaimed and slapped the counter. My heart sunk a bit from the use of my old nickname, but I didn't let my smile falter for a moment.

"In the flesh."

"The boys are gonna flip when they hear." Jessie said, finally coming out from behind the counter to throw his arms around me. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be the last hug I got today and that made me feel awkward and a bit uncomfortable.

"It'll be good to see 'em." I said in complete honesty.

"Let me call Bobby and see if he can meet us over here." Jessie said and dashed off to what looked like a tiny office behind the counter. I had a feeling the rest of them wouldn't be as enthused as Jessie to see me though.

A couple minutes later, Jessie reemerged looking absolutely ecstatic. "Bobby and Laura are on their way over, they're gonna see if some of the other gang can make it too. Man, I might have to close early tonight so we can go wild."

"Slow down there cowboy, my aunt wants me to come over for dinner at seven. I can't go and party with you all night like I'm eighteen again." I told him.

"Dinner at Tanya's? That's better than any rager we could pull." He said with a deep, booming laugh.

"Well you can take that up with her. Although I have a feeling she'll have a hard time saying no to any of you."I sighed, my hopes of having a quiet dinner with my aunt thrown out the window.

"Did I hear something about dinner at Tanya's?" a voice said behind me.

I turned to see Bobby and Pockets-who I still couldn't process being called Laura- coming in the door. They looked more or less the same as I remembered, not nearly as different as Jessie was now. Bobby had gotten a bit taller, and Pockets was just starting to show how pregnant she was. In fact if Tanya wouldn't have said something to me about it, I would have just assumed that she had been putting on a bit of weight.

"Look at you two, I can't believe you're still together!" I said, authentically excited to see them. Bobby and Pockets were always the cutest couple.

"Couldn't return her to the store, I lost the receipt." Bobby joked.

"He couldn't find anything better than me." Pockets retorted, and then turned to me with a smile. "You're a sight for sore eyes girlfriend. We've missed you Marley."

"The feeling's mutual." I said.

"So what are you doing back anyways? Relieving the glory days?" Bobby asked.

"Visiting my aunt actually, and somehow I ended up inviting you all to dinner. I hope that doesn't get me in trouble later." I chuckled.

"Doubtful, she needs the company." Pockets said and frowned, "I've been meaning to visit more often but everything is so busy right now."

"Me too." Jessie sighed.

"When did everything get so bad over there?" I asked but none of them really wanted to answer.

Bobby took his usual leadership role and spoke when the other two remained deathly silent. "Tanya was diagnosed with HIV in April."

This couldn't be true. "What? Why didn't she tell me?"

Bobby shrugged, "Who knows. She doesn't like to talk about it. I wouldn't bring it up either. It just upsets her and they say that can make it worse."

I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. I was afraid to come down here for so long because of some stupid girl that hurt my feelings and all the while my aunt was suffering. I was such a selfish prick.

"There has to be something I can do." I mumbled.

Bobby clapped my shoulder, "I'm sure she's just happy to have you around again. Don't beat yourself up. There was no way you could have known."

"Let's go for a stroll on the boardwalk and get some fresh air, what do you say?" Pockets suggested, perfectly diffusing all the negativity like the den mother I remembered her as.

"That sounds nice." I sighed.

"Yeah, totally." Jessie agreed. "Let me just put up a sign real quick." He scribbled on a piece of paper and slapped it on the door.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I have to ask, when did Jessie Stones finally become a mature grown up?" I asked.

Jessie held the door open for us and uttered a good natured chuckle, "Well, it was right around the time I ended my skating career by shattering my knee to oblivion."

"Shit sure has changed." I said softly. My voice did nothing to hide the remorse I felt from being an adult. The glory days really were back there and we were stuck up here now.

"You got that right." Bobby said, "Growing up sucks balls."

"You would know." Pockets remarked with a broad smile.

I laughed at their back and forth. Luckily some things never changed. Strolling around brought back another flood old memories, especially the days of eating on the beach without a care.

"Do they still have that ice cream stand next to the pier? The one with the purple sign? I remember going there, like, every day I could." I asked out of the blue.

"Sure do." Jessie told me.

Pockets began to jump up and down in excitement, "Oh my God yes, let's get some ice cream!"

Bobby leaned in closer to me like he was going to tell me a secret, "Don't mind her. Pregnancy cravings."

I chuckled, "They must be contagious. I want some too."

After Bobby's sigh of defeat Pockets and I got our way and drug the guys to get a scoop. After that we kind of just hung out on the boardwalk and caught up with each other's lives. It was funny how strong the bond was between us, despite the fact that I only knew them for a very limited part of my life.

Bobby had just finished a story on the disastrous first days at Iggy's shop and how he somehow got conned into cleaning everything up once it was all said and done. We shared a hearty laugh as a group, but when it tapered off it got sort of quiet. It was like we had almost run out of things to talk about.

"So I heard Alex left." I said suddenly. I had no idea why I kept torturing myself with the idea of her, but I couldn't help it.

"About 5 years ago now." Jessie replied with a solemn nod. Alex had been closest to Jessie back then, he was probably her best friend. I could only imagine what it must have been like for him when she left.

Bobby scoffed loudly next to me, "Not only that. When my little sister went off to college I found out that they moved in together. I always knew that Alex was lying to me about that shit."

For a brief moment I wondered if Bobby was right. If he was, had Alex been playing me the whole time? It was an interesting notion to think about, but hardly relevant anymore.

"Sorry to bring it up. Like I said earlier, a lot has changed. I'm just trying to catch up." I told them apologetically.

"I understand. You guys were really close." Pockets said. "I always wondered what happened between you."

I exhaled loudly, "You don't want to hear that story, and honestly I don't want to tell it. But I'll give you the Reader's Digest Condensed Version. We were young, dumb and in love, then one day we had to grow up. You all know what that's like."

Pockets pouted, "That seems awfully cynical Marley."

I shrugged. That was how the world was, but no one liked to hear that truth. This caused a silence to settle over the four of us.

I looked at my watch, it was quarter to five. With a sigh I stood up and looked at the guys, "I know it's early, but I'm gonna start heading back to my Aunt's. Figured I could give her a hand or something. Feel free to join me if you want."

The three of them looked between each other before jumping up. Pockets didn't really jump given her condition, but she showed the same enthusiasm the guys had. I had no idea what any of their home lives were like growing up, but I knew that Tanya had a profound effect on each one of them, and many of the other kids I use to hang out with here. It wasn't just me that she helped get through the difficult hump of adolescence, but countless others. I could see how much they wanted to give back to her.

[rajkumari]

"Let's get going then." Bobby said with a grin.

***

I was trying my best to catch up to the deadline I had set for the revisions, but didn't feel like I was really making any progress. I kept thinking about the time I had spent with Tanya. I wanted to be able to do something for her.

The thought had been monopolizing my brain for the last week since I found out. On the other hand, seeing the old gang had brought back so many memories from the past that were just as distracting. I pushed my chair back from the computer desk and leaned back with my hands on my face. A loud groan escaped from my chest. Why couldn't I shake this mental block right now?

To make matters worse, or better depending on the perspective I was taking, the phone on my desk began to ring. I hoped to God this wasn't more superfluous bullshit from Ollie. He really had to understand that I was insanely busy.

"Hello?" I said with what sounded like the most exhausted voice in the world.

"Is this Marley Denning?" I heard from the other side.

My brows pulled together in a tight line. "It is. May I ask who's speaking?"

"Lilah Weber. We met recently, do you remember?"

"Oh!" I felt like an idiot, I had almost completely forgotten my encounter with Lilah. Hearing her voice, however, brought back thoughts of the time I had with her last week. "Of course I remember you Lilah. I just wasn't expecting your call. Speaking of which, this is a private number. How do you have it?"

I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. "Same way I found you."

"Ollie." I said.

"Bingo." She replied with a chuckle.

"So how are you?" I asked, pleased to be taking a break from work now.

"Well, I was thinking about what you said and I was wondering if maybe you would want to get a drink with me. It doesn't have to be a drink of course. We could get coffee or something." I heard her sigh on the other end, "I'm rambling aren't I?"

"Yes." I said honestly, "It's adorable."

Lilah giggled and I breathed a silent sigh. I wanted to see her again too.

"Would you like me to come pick you up?" I asked.

"Yes." Lilah said without the slightest pause.

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I told her and hung up. Tanya was right. Work could wait a little bit sometimes. Gotta get living while I still have life left in me.

***

Half an hour later I found myself sitting at an almost empty sushi bar with Lilah. She had been persistent on the location we went to so that's where we ended up. Truth be told, I would have been happy to just go to a normal bar. I wasn't that fond of the idea of raw fish.

"You just have to keep an open mind." Lilah said, noticing the clear disdain on my face

She had me there. An open mind was something I completely lacked sometimes. It was my biggest down fall really.

I heaved a big sigh and nodded, "You're right. If you wanted to kill me you probably wouldn't do it with sushi."

"Sushi has enough of a bad rep. I would go with cyanide instead." Lilah joked and led me up to the bar. On one end there was a bartender mixing drinks with a wall of bottles behind him and on the other end of the bar were displays of the fresh cuts of fish. Lilah sat me at the latter end.

I chuckled, "At least I know what to look out for."

An Asian man appeared in front of us sharpening a long thin knife, "Good evening." He said simply with a stoic expression.

"Good evening!" Lilah replied back much more pleasantly, "We'll have a sashimi platter with Tuna, Cuttlefish and whatever else you would recommend. Also a bottle of sake, something between earthy and fruity, chilled slightly."

The man bowed slightly, and retreated back behind a curtain. "Very good."

"You know you're stuff here." I said.

"I like Japanese cuisine." Lilah shrugged, "You pick things up."

"Yeah." I replied. "Hey, can I ask you something completely random?"

"Of course." She said with a smile.

"Is Lilah your real name? I've never heard anything like it before." I laughed "That sounds a lot worse out loud than I expected. I swear I'm not criticizing you for your name."

"It's totally fine." She said, "My real name is Delilah actually, but it's a mouth full. I've gone by Lilah since I was a kid so it just kind of stuck."

"Gotcha." I nodded. "Well I think it's really pretty, and that fits you."

The bottle of sake and two small glasses were set in front of us. Lilah thanked the man and began pouring. "So the Denning charm tactics have begun. I've heard about this part." Lilah said. A curtain of hair covered her face, which made her expression unreadable, but I had a feeling she was sporting a sly grin.

"That doesn't seem very fair. I thought I got to start with a clean slate here." I frowned.

"Actually we agreed to start over without the nasty opinion of the tabloids. You never said anything about things I may have heard on the street." Lilah corrected and slid one of the glasses over to me. "But you're right, I'm not being fair. I just like it when I can make you squirm."

She held up her glass and knocked it against mine before shooting the sake back. She closed her eyes and a slight shudder ran through her. I waited to take my drink, still staring in disbelief at what she had just said.

I'd like to make her squirm. Before I could get any farther than that in my internal dialogue I scolded myself and ended it completely. Clearing my head I threw back my shot finally.

"Can I make a confession?" Lilah asked, already pouring out another shot for each of us while we waited on the food.

"Why not? No time like the present." I replied and took the shot she just poured quickly. No hesitating this time. I'll drown that voice out with alcohol if I had to.

Lilah chewed on her lip and then finally just spit it out. "I've hated everything you've done since you finished the Archanon series."

I took me a moment to register exactly what she was saying to me, "You...read my books?"

Lilah looked at me coyly, "I've been a fan of yours for awhile. I didn't want to say anything the first time we met because I thought it would come off as weird."

"You really read my books?" I asked, completely disregarding the other thing she said.

"Yeah, I really do." Lilah looked at me like she didn't understand me one bit. "I expected you to jump down my throat. Do you not care what anyone thinks of your work?"

"I care, but if I'm being honest I haven't been a big fan of my recent stuff either. I suppose I'm just missing some good inspiration." I shrugged and picked up the bottle of sake, taking the initiative to pour out the shots this time.

"Thank God. Not that you don't have any inspiration, that's terrible, but that you agree. You're not a bad writer at all, there's just no..." Lilah seemed to struggle in search of a certain word for a moment, "Spark. There's no spark there."

Her enthusiasm for my stories was charming, I never really conversed with my fans since I didn't like going to the events and such. It was nice seeing someone that really cared though. Someone that got it. I set my elbow on the bar and propped my chin up with my hand, watching her talk with animation.

"You need to write another novel like Shadow's Tide. I loved that one. It was just, wow. I didn't even have words for the conclusion of that book. When Armac sacrificed himself so that his son could live, it was just...all sorts of feelings." She giggled, taking the drink I had poured out for her, "I'm sorry, I'm fangasming."

"I think it's cute when you ramble, I told you that earlier." I replied, an honest smile on my face. I liked being with Lilah a lot. She made me feel like I was actually real and not just an extension of my keyboard.

"You're just saying that." She murmured, her face going pink. For an instant I remembered being that red faced shy girl. I had changed a lot over the years from that point I guess.

"I mean it." I said and nudged her arm with mine, "You know what?"

"Hmm?" Lilah hummed in response, looking at me sideways.

"I cried when I wrote that scene in Shadow's Tide. I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to for the stories sake."

Lilah rolled her eyes, "Now I know you're full of shit."

"No I'm not!" I exclaimed, "I know I can seem like a cold bitch, but when it comes to my characters I get emotional. It's pitiful, it really is."

"You seriously cried?" Lilah asked, still looking speculative.

"Not like, heavy weeping, my nose didn't run or anything." I said for clarification, "But when I was typing it out there were definitely tears."

"Well if we're being honest, I cried too. Probably worse than you." Lilah laughed.

"Oh, I believe it." I said and laughed myself, "So how did you find my books? If you don't mind me asking, of course. I don't want to sound like the pretentious artist that just wants to talk about themselves."

"Like I'm much better as the overbearing fan?" Lilah asked with a raised brow, a smile still on her lips. "My best friend introduced me to your earlier stuff a while back. Way before all the band wagon jumpers you've acquired recently."

"Eh, they'll fall off if the movie flops." I said with a shrug.

Our food finally came around so we didn't delve into the topic of the movie, and for that I was glad. It was a great learning experience for me, but I was pretty confident that this project was going to fall on its face. When it did I would bow out silently and continue on as the faceless creator that I preferred to be.

The platter they put in front of us was nothing but a variety of sliced fish, all raw. I was unsure about this again, even more so with the mixture of alcohol. I told Lilah I would keep an open mind though.

"Try the tuna first." Lilah said and pointed with chopsticks at the tuna sashimi.

"Here goes nothing." I said, mostly to myself and popped the piece of fish in my mouth. It had a really smooth texture and a nice light flavor. There was no weird fishy smell to it or anything else I expected. It was just

"Really good." I said.

Lilah nodded, clearly pleased. She pointed at me with the chopsticks, "Bitches love sashimi. Fact." She stated and ate a piece from one of the other varieties on the platter.

"Can't say you're wrong." I said and tried a different kind. It was as good as the tuna-perhaps even better.

"Have another shot with me." Lilah suggested and started pouring before I could answer.

"All right, but this is the last one. I still have to drive at some point."

"Fine." Lilah replied with a grin, "That may not stop me though."

I chuckled, "By all means. Let your hair down."

She did. Taking at least three or four more shots in the time we spent there. Lilah got me to try a few sushi rolls when we got through the sashimi and I had to admit that I enjoyed that experience too. On the drive back to Lilah's I considered how much good it would do me just to be more open minded in the future.

"Here we are." I declared and got out, rushing around to Lilah's side in order to open the door for her.

"Thank you." She said quietly and stepped out. I couldn't help but look at her for another few seconds before I left. She really was gorgeous in that natural down to earth way. Like the perfect girl next door that didn't need makeup or fancy hair care products to make her beautiful, she just was.

"Good night." I said finally.

"Good night." Lilah replied and took a few steps towards her house. She stopped however and turned back around to me. I leaned against the passenger door that I had just shut and waited to see what Lilah was going to say.

"You know, I kind of figured it would be a bad idea to go on a date with you, and I figured it would be even worse seeing you a second time. But you've proven me wrong twice now." Lilah flashed me that blinding smile of hers, "I have an amazing time when I'm with you and I want to keep seeing you. Like a lot more, if that's possible."

"So you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked, grinning myself.

Lilah nodded with no falter in her smile, "Pretty much."

In two steps I was so close to her that the tips of our shoes were touching. Lilah looked like she was holding her breath as she waited for my next move.

"I think I would really like that." I murmured, placing one hand on her hip and using the other to tip her chin towards my face.

"Me too." She whispered and closed her eyes.

Obviously she read ahead and knew that this was the part where the dramatic kiss happened. The thought was sudden, inappropriate and I had to hold back the laugh that almost escaped. Instead I kissed her like she was expecting me too.

Her lips were soft and full, everything I loved in kissing a girl. A subtle hint of sake lingered on her lips and added to the sweet natural flavor that Lilah had. The cool autumn breeze ruffling through my hair was refreshing as the feel of her and I knew every time that I kissed her in the future my mind would wander back to this beautiful autumn night.

I wasn't able to explore her kiss very far unfortunately. Lilah put her hands on my shoulders and pushed back after just a moment. "I, um, should probably go."

"Okay." I couldn't stop grinning for some crazy reason.

After a moment of consideration, Lilah kissed my cheek and then scurried off into her house. I couldn't help but watch her entire journey up the steps until she walked inside. She was so damn adorable.

Girlfriend. I hadn't had the thought in a long time-didn't want to have to think about it either. Girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, those were all words that meant responsibility for another person and that wasn't what I wanted in life.

Lilah intrigued me though, and in a world full of boring copycat personalities that was a rarity. Maybe I shouldn't think about her like some burden to be shouldered. She was a challenge, and a little bit of a risk. She was real life.

"Yeah." I muttered to myself, "This could be really good."

October, 2004

"Are you trying to tell me we have to reschedule?" I asked.

Lilah nodded coyly, chewing on her bottom lip. After a lot of bush beating, I had finally come to the conclusion that she was trying to tell me we had to cancel the date we had set for tomorrow night.

"Here I thought I would be the first one to cancel. You're making me look good over here." I said with a laugh. It was always a real, authentic laugh with Lilah, not the put on one I generally used with everyone else.

"I feel bad enough about this. Do you have to make it worse?" she groaned. I was glad she chose to tell me this over video chat. It was so much more fun to pick on her when I could see the reaction.

"It's fine, really. I'm just joking." I said.

"I want to make it up to you though." Lilah thought for a moment, and then her eyes lit up, "I know! How about you come over and I'll cook for you?"

I nodded in consideration, "Home cooked meal by a professional chef? That's a hard offer to turn down."

Lilah smirked, "Then don't."

I could see she was waiting on the edge of her seat-literally-for my answer. She made it impossible to not smile every minute I was in her presence. "I would love to. When did you have in mind?"

Lilah considered for a moment. She bobbed her head as if working through a mental calendar and I did my best to hold back a chuckle. "How about this Friday around six?"

"Sounds perfect. I can't wait."

"Good. I'll see you then." Lilah kissed the tips of her fingers and pressed them against the computer screen.

"See you then." I touched the screen with my own fingers and looked at her beautiful face for one more second before I closed the window down. My smile fell as soon as she disappeared from my screen however.

I had been looking forward to seeing her. With the pressure that I was under right now it would have done me some good to just unwind and hang out with Lilah. I sighed and knew that this train of thought would do nothing but put me in a mood to mope. That was a side of me I hated and I refused to let it surface if I could help it.

I minimized the revisions I had been doing-in their final edit at long last-and pulled up a fresh document. My mind floated back to the conversation that Lilah and I had about my writing a few weeks ago. She was right on the money with every observation she made, right down to me being without a spark. In fact, the last two novels I put out, both stand alone stories that delved more into dramatic elements than the usual sci-fi or fantasy I did, were downright stale.

You need to write another novel like Shadow's Tide.

Lilah's voice kept ringing in my head, spurring my fingers to play against the keys without actually typing. If I didn't feel like I had a guillotine over my neck with every other responsibility I was trying to accomplish, I probably could be in the right frame of mind to write a novel like that again.

This thought disturbed me a little. I couldn't write because of the burdens I had put on myself? That sounded a lot like self sabotage. My eyes flicked back up to the blank document. I stared into the white of the digital page, as if I were willing something to appear telepathically.

Then my hands did move, in a slow, unsure pattern as I headed the page without a title. I simply wrote chapter one and moved to the next line. The deliberate hen pecked typing that I was doing started to pick up a little bit as sentences started to spawn on the page. The more I thought about the concept of writing a new novel-having a new challenge-got me excited.

There were no limits or expectations. No one could tell me that they didn't like it and make me completely rework things. A new novel was somewhere that I could be free and I could be me.

Before I knew it five hours had passed and I was twenty two pages in. With a much more defined smile on my face I saved the progress and dropped the window down to the taskbar. I didn't want to have to go and find it again; I wanted to keep that one up and in my face. It was really going somewhere.

I leaned back in my chair and folded my hands behind my head with a content sigh. This was what I loved about writing when it started-this right here-and it was all because of Lilah. She said exactly what I needed to hear, what Ollie and everyone else refused to tell me to my face.

"I should get her something." I said to myself. I wondered what a girl like Lilah would like when it came to gifts. Would it be best to go practical, decorative or functional?

My mind floated to a region that I was sure would not be appropriate for a simple thank you gift-something with lace and satin, and maybe a cute little bow. I allowed the flow of this thought process unlike the other times my brain had drifted in this direction. In fact I leaned back farther in my chair and let my imagination paint a more vivid picture.

Lilah would open the box to find the lingerie I imagined inside of it. She would blush in that cute, shy way that she did, saying something to the effect of 'I'm too embarrassed to wear something like this though!' I would tell her 'That's just fine. You don't have to wear anything at all.'

This felt like the real spark I had been missing, and it had nothing to do with writing. It was more about the core of my whole life. Perhaps my entire being had needed a spark to shock me back into existence. The grin I wore stretched farther across my face.

Lilah was my Dr. Frankenstein.

***

Friday couldn't come quick enough for me. I felt overly anxious and impatient in the days leading up to it. I couldn't wait for it to get here so I could get over these strange feelings. There was no real reason for me to feel like this after all, I hadn't been nervous to see Lilah on any other occasion. Something about this time had me on edge though.

[rajkumari]

The only explanation I could really form was the thought of being inside Lilah's house. Every other time I saw her it had been in a public place-neutral ground so to speak. This would be much more personal and intimate than I was used to and that was an uncomfortable thing. Intimacy had always scared me after all. I reminded myself that I was trying to stay open minded again and again throughout the week and especially on the drive over to her house that Friday.

Open minded or not, I was still oddly nervous as I approached Lilah's door. I steeled my nerves and knocked anyways. This whole ordeal had bothered me for the last four days. I was putting a stop to that now.

Lilah appeared a moment after I knocked, wearing a modest blue dress and an apron already covered in flour, spices and some unidentifiable liquid.

"Oh!" she said in surprise. "You're here early."

I shrugged, "Ten minutes early is on time in my book."

"I know of an instance where you were very late then." Lilah said slyly. She was, of course, referring to the first night that we met-a night where I didn't care about being punctual in the slightest.

"Yeah, well..." I mumbled.

Lilah rolled her eyes and chuckled, "Come on in."

"Thanks." I said and followed her through the doorway.

I tried to change the attention from how awkward I felt and held out the wrapped gift I had brought for her. "Um, this is for you." It was a little nerve wracking as I waited to see how she would take it.

"What's this for?" Lilah asked, her eyes lighting up.

I shrugged, "Just a little thank you. The conversation we had on my books really got me thinking. I started writing something new actually."

Lilah began to giggle. She clapped a hand over her mouth to stop the laughs but they kept coming.

"What?" I asked, my brows pulling together.

Lilah shook her head, "Nothing. I just didn't expect my blunt opinion to get you writing again, that's all. Saying 'you suck' has never really motivated me."

As that thought sunk in I began to laugh, until I couldn't breathe almost. "Thanks for insulting my work. It really inspired me." I choked out between the laughs.

"Exactly!" Lilah exclaimed in a giggly voice.

I wiped away the tears that had begun to stream down my face and collected myself. "Open it." I told her.

With a knowing look, Lilah finally tore the paper away to reveal a unique copy of my novel Shadow's Tide.

I spoke quickly, defending myself before she even threw an accusation my way. "I know this probably seems really pretentious, but I remembered how you said that you really loved this story and it is a very special copy. I just don't want you to think I'm some sort of narcissist."

"Marley?" Lilah said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." Lilah smiled. "I love it."

I let out a relieved sigh, "I'm happy to hear that. This the very first copy to be printed. It had different art on the front originally." I pointed out and tapped the cover of the book. "I'm still not sure why they changed it. I liked this cover art."

Lilah held the book out like it was on fire, "Why did you give this to me then?"

"Because I thought you would like it." I said, thoroughly confused.

"I don't even want to imagine how much this is worth! And if you signed it, God only knows how much it could skyrocket to on the net!" Lilah cried, clearly outraged, although I couldn't figure out why for the life of me.

"Do you want me to sign it for you?" I joked.

Lilah wailed, "That's not the point!"

"What is the point then?"

She sighed, "You don't even get it. I'm just fighting a losing battle here aren't I?"

"Pretty much." I nodded. "You could just say thank you and we could move on from this."

"Thank you." She said, surrendering finally. "I'll treasure it dearly."

"You are very welcome." I replied, "Also, would you actually read it please. Despite what you think, it's not some collector's item to just sit on the shelf."

"I promise." Lilah assured me, flashing that bright smile. "Why don't you follow me to the kitchen?"

"Lead the way hostess." I grinned with an inviting wave of my hand.

Lilah had an interesting layout for her kitchen. It was open so you could get around quickly and easily. Smack dab in the middle was an island with a bar setup and stools on one end, a full range stovetop on the other, which was in full use right now. I could tell right away that this kitchen was made for entertaining.

"Wow, something smells good." I commented as Lilah was sitting me at the bar.

"That's what I like to hear." She smiled at me again before getting back to work at the stove. "So you said you were working on something new?"

"That's correct."

"What's the story about?" she asked, making idle chit chat. She was doing a good job creating that cozy, homey environment I had been sorely deprived of as a child.

As comfortable as she was making me, I still hesitated. "It's pretty early on, I'm not sure I should say."

Lilah looked up at me from under her eyelashes and almost purred, "I promise I won't tell anyone." She had a devastating effect on me.

"Well, I, uh," I stuttered, then cleared my throat and tried again. "I was thinking of reviving the Legion of Archanon. I know a lot of people would probably say that I'm trying to relive the highlight of my career, but I really just miss that world. Still, I'm not sure how well it would go over seeing how that series seemed to have a pretty conclusive ending. I'm sure they would say that I made up some loophole to make it work."

"You care a lot about what other people think, don't you?" Lilah asked, looking at me curiously now.

"Of course, I'm an artist." I told her with a laugh. "Which means I have a very big ego and only a shred of self esteem."

Lilah raised a brow. "You wanna know what I think? As an artist of sorts myself?"

"Sure."

"The best creations come from a happy, free imagination. Try to restrain yourself to what others expect and you create gets shackled down as well."

I was taken aback by her words. "That's very wise of you."

Lilah smiled, "Every now and again I even surprise myself."

Somewhere behind us the front door opened and closed, followed by the sound of heavy shuffling feet. My head whipped up at the sound. I hadn't expected anyone else to join us.

"It's just my roommate." Lilah assured me, continuing to stir the pot.

There was a loud sigh from said roommate that I could hear all the way down the hall, "Remind me to pay the water bill tomorrow would ya? We got really swamped so I couldn't make it over. I barely got a ten minute break throughout the whole day and you wouldn't believe what-oh." She stopped upon seeing the two of us. "Should have told me you had company."

"Sorry about that. I haven't got to see you much since your schedule changed though." Lilah pointed out, using the spoon in her hand for good effect. I kept my head down and listened to the back and forth silently, save a small chuckle that escaped me when the spoon dripped some wonderful smelling sauce two inches from my nose.

"Marley?" The new arrival said abruptly. My head whipped up to this stranger. How did she know my name? "It is you." She said with a cynical smile.

There was nothing but sheer confusion at first as I searched her features and wondered how she could know me. Then realization dawned and I could feel my stomach drop. The hair was shorter and a little darker than I remembered, but the hazel eyes that stared back coldly was enough to ignite a strong memory of long ago. A memory of two girls helplessly in teenage love one hot California summer.

"Alex?" I asked in disbelief.

"I'm surprised you remember." She almost spat.

I was in so much shock that I didn't even know how to respond to the verbal venom she slung at me. How could she be here right now? How? And what cosmic entity was fucking with my life for their kicks?

"I never thought I would see you again." I said, surprising myself. I refused to look her way though. I kept my eyes focused on the small glob of sauce hardening on the counter instead.

"You knew where I was." She muttered, not looking at me either.

I had no snappy comeback or witty one liner, so I just said, "Yeah."Alex made a noise of disapproval and shook her head.

"I've got to head in early tomorrow, so I'm gonna turn in." she said to Lilah, her voice much softer now. More like the voice of the Alex in my memories. "Try not to make too much noise." She added with a nasty glance at me before she walked off.

"No problem." Lilah replied, sounding much more subdued after mine and Alex's back and forth.

I only barely registered this though. My head was spinning at the mere thought of Alex. My first love, the one that I thought I would never get over, just appearing out of nowhere. I had no idea if I was capable of being in a relationship with the thought of Alex looming over my head now.

Lilah placed a quick peck on my lips suddenly. Most likely to break the obvious tension around me. Any other time it would have worked just fine, I would have wrapped her in my arms and explored the limits where she would let me. This time I didn't even move.

"You're not into this anymore are you?" she said quietly. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was implying by 'this'. She was the furthest thing from the actual problem though-it was the thought of Alex here.

I took Lilah's hands in both of mine, "Do you wanna get out of here for a bit?"

Lilah looked at the food she had been slaving over for God knows how long and then with a soft sigh replied, "Sure."

Leaving the house did a lot to shock my senses awake. The cool fall air blew leaves across the ground, which created a wet crunching sound as we walked. My brain started to process through a lot of things that had gone over my head previously.

"So, Bobby's your brother then." I stated finally. I was working through things out loud more than I was asking for confirmation. I received it regardless.

"Yes."

"And you've known of me for quite some time. Not the author Marley Denning, but the real me." I went on.

"Yes."

"And this didn't come up once because?" I looked at her expectantly, waiting on an answer.

Lilah sighed, "I don't know. I guess I didn't think it would ever get past the first date. After that I just didn't even think about it, I guess it didn't matter that much to me."

"How is it that we're just meeting now? Why weren't you ever around when I used to run with Bobby and Alex?"

Lilah rolled her eyes, "That would be in a reality where my brother actually let me hang out with him and his gang. Yeah right."

I laughed at that. I had no idea about sibling interaction personally since I was an only child, but that sounded about right. "Alex didn't agree with him though."

"No, she didn't." Lilah said a small smile on her lips. "She would hang out with me all the time and for once I felt cool and included. Alex made me feel special."

"Did you know that Bobby thinks you two are an item?" I asked with raised brows.

"He would." Lilah scoffed. "Although if I'm being honest, Alex was the first girl I crushed on."

I laughed once, "Me too kid. Me too."

Lilah was contemplative as we continued to walk. I let her process her thoughts and just enjoyed the nice breeze.

"Alex makes things...difficult, doesn't she?" Lilah pondered aloud.

"That's one word for it." I said with a sigh.

A beat of silence. "So this is it then?" She asked quietly.

I looked over at Lilah. She was chewing on her bottom lip and her brows were scrunched together in a tight line. I couldn't help the grin that sprung up on my lips. The girl was too damn cute.

"No." I replied, almost as low. "It may be difficult, but it doesn't change anything."

Lilah kissed me, halting me in my tracks. This kiss carried much more ferocity than the one she had delivered in the kitchen earlier-or any kiss we had shared thus far for that matter. The shock kept me still for only a moment before I took the initiative I was unable to grasp previously.

Eventually Lilah pushed me away like she always did when things went too far for her. That was okay though because I was ready to go back; knowing Alex wouldn't be in sight. More than that, I was definitely ready to try Lilah's cooking.

What she made me was nothing short of absolute perfection. Despite the weight of the few cons, the pros Lilah brought to the table outnumbered them one hundred to one easily. Still, it was hard to shake the new difficult equation thrown into this relationship. It was hard to shake the thought of Alex.

***

"Here I thought I was done with her forever, but no." I vented pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

I went to the only person in my life that I could talk to about this, and that was Tanya. Everyone else was either too close to the situation, or much too far away. At least if I could get some of it off my chest I might feel better.

"You can't run from your past forever. There's obviously a reason why things have worked out like this." Tanya said, trying her best to console me.

"It just seems really fucked up." I sighed.

"That's because it is. That doesn't mean you can't make the best out of this situation and be the bigger person." She pointed out.

I grumbled, "That sounds like it's going to be hard."

"Being the bigger person usually is." Tanya chuckled, which developed into a string of coughs. I made a move towards her but she held up a hand to stop me. The coughs tapered off and she tapped her chest twice with the side of her fist.

"I'll be fine." She said and cleared her throat, "I have something that might take your mind off of all of this though."

Tanya got up and left the room with no explanation, leaving me to sit there confused and concerned. I often wondered how far gone her health was, but she wouldn't tell me and I couldn't ask. Perhaps there was some magic left in blissful ignorance, even at our age.

With a grunt, Tanya dropped a heavy, familiar case on my lap a few minutes later. "I found this the other day, thought you might want it back." She drew a deep breath. "I forgot how much that thing weighed."

"Is this what I think it is?" I asked in excitement as I tore back the hood of the case to reveal my old friend, the Royal typewriter.

"If you think it's a heavy ass typewriter, than yes." Tanya remarked sarcastically.

I wasn't listening to her snark though. My fingers were running across the keys in a gently caress. There was only one instance in my life that I believed in love at first sight and it had been with this typewriter. Unfortunately when my parents had taken me that summer, so much happened that the Royal had somehow got left behind. I thought about it now and again throughout the years, never forgetting the times I had sat up into the wee hours of the night clacking away at the keys.

"This means more to me than I can say." I whispered, feeling on the verge of tears. "Thank you."

"Anything to help my favorite niece."

"I'm your only niece Aunt Tanya." I said.

Tanya shrugged, "Same thing."

I closed the lid on the Royal and looked up at Tanya with a thoughtful gaze, "Can I ask you a question."

Her brows pulled together and she searched my face, "I don't want to talk about it." She said, predicting what I was about to ask.

"But, I just want to-" I started but Tanya cut me off.

"No!" Just that one word was all she needed. My jaw snapped shut and I didn't dare ask her anything about it. If she didn't want to talk about it I couldn't fight her. It was her life after all.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, keeping my eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry too." Tanya said. "Sorry you had to find out like you did."

"Don't worry about it. Just let me help if I can, all right?"

"I'm afraid my health isn't the only secret I've kept from you." Tanya admitted with a sigh. "Just don't be mad at me."

I took a deep breath and nodded. However, being told not to get mad beforehand made me a little uneasy.

"Alex comes down every once in awhile to help take care of me and everything around here. She doesn't always have the time but she comes to see me a every week or so. I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure if it would upset you or not."

My jaw dropped. Was she serious right now? Has everyone been lying to me about her? And was Tanya really making Alex sound like a freaking saint? All these thoughts raced through my brain in a matter of moments.

"She talked about you a lot over the years." Tanya said, most likely trying to make me feel better about everything. It didn't do a very good job.

"That doesn't mean much." I muttered, acting angry for no reason I could really identify.

"You know, you keep treating this thing like you're the only victim. You're both victims of the same circumstance, maybe you should consider that." Her voice went harsher than I had ever heard it, and the words cut deep.

"You're right." I whispered. And she was. Alex had never done anything to wrong me intentionally. The two of us just harbored hurt feelings that had grown out of control. "I'm just being a petty bitch. You of all people don't deserve that. I'm sorry."

"Petty? Yes. But a bitch? No." Tanya said with a shake of her head.

I chuckled once, "Gracious as always, even when I don't deserve it."

"You always deserve grace Marley." Tanya said, her eyes softening again. "But maybe you could try extending it to others from time to time."

She was right about that too. It should have irritated me but it didn't. It amused me more than anything and so I grinned as I spoke. "I'll keep that in mind."

Tanya seemed pleased with my cooperation. "And I'll hold you to that."

***

I couldn't stop thinking about what Tanya had said about extending grace in the coming days. My mind kept coming back to Alex again and again. We had been great friends at one point, so why couldn't we again? After eight years why couldn't we just put it all aside and move on with life. I'm sure if we hung out Alex would think the same thing.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait long to get the opportunity to go back over to see Lilah and Alex. Lilah called me a few days before Halloween and invited me over to hang out for the holiday.

"I know it probably sounds lame, but I would rather hand out candy and watch cheesy horror flicks then go to some party and get wasted." Lilah had confessed to me.

I had chuckled in my response, "Not lame at all. I would prefer that too."

I agreed to come over around dusk and Lilah promised that Alex would be on a shorter leash this time. I had no idea how their relationship worked, but I doubted that Lilah would be able to reign in someone like Alex. Still, the thought of Alex on any length of leash got another good laugh out of me regardless.

I made sure to pick up a couple bags of candy on my way over in case they ran out. I also did my best to juggle all of the mantras and life advice that I'd been given in the recent months, willing myself to believe that this would be better than the last time I had come over. I just had to be open minded, patient and full of grace-no problem.

Lilah ushered me in with a wide grin and began chattering away about what we were going to watch. She was enthusiastic if nothing else, I thought. It was just another thing that I absolutely adored about Lilah, her undying enthusiasm.

Alex and I both gave a formal, if awkward, kind of nod to show that we acknowledged the other's existence when I first entered the living room. Besides that nod though, neither of us were willing to concede to conversation that wasn't started by Lilah. I was sure it was exhausting for her to play mediator between Alex and I, but I couldn't swallow my pride no matter how hard I tried.