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by novel » 02 Oct 2015 15:21
Scotty
I was feeling extremely disoriented. Everything seemed dark and bleak, and I couldn't see a goddamned thing. All that I knew was that there were people all around me, and I was on something soft. I didn't feel cold, though. So, I guessed that this is a good thing.
I didn't remember what happened. How did I get here? Think, Scotty, think. What happened? My mind drifted to what happened to me, and then it suddenly dawned on me. I mean, I guess that I was a bit disoriented for a second, then, like a dream, I remembered that Nick was with that woman. That awful woman with the perfect face and body. The woman whom I thought that he hated, or, at least, strongly disliked. Yet, he was with her. They were both naked.
Inside I started screaming upon remembering that vision in my head. Outside, I didn't think that a whole lot was happening.
And then I heard my mother. "Where is my daughter?" she demanded. "I need to see her."
"You will see her when she wakes up. We also contacted her legal guardian. Paul Lucas. Do you know him?"
"Yeah, I know him. But he's nothing to her. I'm her mother. Paul was just her foster father. Her adoptive father, I guess."
Adoptive father? What the hell? He never adopted me, thank god. Did he? Did he manage to adopt me without my even knowing it? He had money, he could probably have done anything at all.
I felt my heart pounding at just the thought of Mr. Lucas being here. Please, don't let him near me. Outside, I could hear my heart monitor rapidly picking up pace, so that the beat was staccato and extremely fast. Just the thought of Mr. Lucas coming here was enough to make me panic and send chills up and down my spine.
Then my mother was in the room. I actually was happy to see her, even though we always have had our problems. At least she wasn't Mr. Lucas. My mother was a clueless alcoholic, but she wasn't evil like Mr. Lucas.
She brushed some of my hair out of my eyes, a tender gesture coming from her. "Scotty, what happened, dear?"
"I don't know, mom. I guess I just got kinda careless when I crossed the street in front of my office. I, uh, had a lot on my mind."
"You're burning yourself out. Taking on too much. You know how I worry."
I looked at her. Her eyes seemed more in focus than usual, and I didn't smell the tell-tale scent of vodka on her breath. I wondered if she was actually sober for once in her life.
I took her hand. "Mommy," I said. "I really need you right now." My life was falling apart, and I wanted her to keep it together so that she could be a mother to me for once in her life.
She looked interminably sad. "I wish I could be there for you, little Scotty. I'm trying to get a handle on my issues, I really am. I haven't been the best mother to you, but I'm tryin' to get sober so that I can change that."
I nodded my head. I knew that, deep down, there was a wonderful woman that was struggling to break free. At least I hoped so.
"Will you stay with me?" I asked her.
"I'll be back Scotty. In the mornin'. I need to get some rest. It's been a long day."
I felt sad, but nodded my head. I felt like I was clinging to somebody, anybody, who might actually be there for me when I really needed them. Nick was going to be that person, and that didn't work out. Jack had his own life, and it increasingly didn't involve me. So, I wanted my mother to be that person who would give me love and support during crises like this. I really wanted her just to stay with me that night, like she used to, during her brief sober periods. She would let me sleep in her bed and she would stroke my hair and tell me that I was a good girl. She played dress-up with me, and sometimes brought home stuffed animals from the local thrift stores. Which made the other times, when she would tear up the house looking for her hidden liquor bottles, while screaming at me for allegedly hiding them, so much worse.
My mother left, promising me that she would be back in the morning. There was a fifty-fifty chance that I actually would see her the next day. If she stayed sober, I would imagine she would visit me. If she went home and got drunk, I most certainly wouldn't see her. I waved as she left, resigned to the fact that it was as likely as not that she wouldn't be in that hospital tomorrow to see me.
And then, about fifteen minutes later, I heard Mr. Lucas' unmistakable voice. "Where is my daughter? Somebody called me and said that she was in some kind of an accident. What happened to her?"
"She was hit by a car while she tried to cross the street. She's resting comfortably now, but she suffered a broken femur. She won't be ready for release for at least another week."
The heart monitor was going off the charts now.
Mr. Lucas was here.
Where is Nick? With that awful bimbo Portia, that was where he was at. Fucking asshole.
And then, just like that, Mr. Lucas was in my room. I managed to open my eyes and look at him.
He looked the same, really, even though it had been nine years since I had last seen him. He was now, what, 42? 42 and as handsome as ever. His dark hair, with the greying temples, and hazel eyes, framed by long eyelashes, hid the evil inside that man. The insidious evil. He looked like such a…grown choir-boy? He was anything but, of course.
"Scotty," he said. "I'm so happy you're alright."
I just looked at him and said nothing. I didn't really know what to say, to be honest. What he did to me all those nights was at the forefront of my mind, even if it was years and years in the past. Do I make a scene? I was quite sure that he would deny everything. He would probably tell everybody that I was some kind of seductress, or would-be seductress, and he was an innocent man accused by a crazy person. Myself being the crazy person.
I motioned him close to my bed. He came in and leaned down next to me. I could smell whiskey on his breath, as I realized that it was around midnight. He had obviously been at a bar, for he also smelled of smoke. An outdoor patio, I guessed, as smoking indoors had been outlawed here.
I whispered in his ear. "Stay away from me, you fucking pervert. Please leave my room."
He backed up a little, and then smiled. But he made no move to leave. He grabbed my hand, and I heard the heart monitor speed up ever faster. I looked up, and the monitor read 110 bpm, and climbing.
The nurse came back in. Mr. Lucas addressed her. What he said made more chills run all the way through my body. "When Scotty gets released, I would like her to be released into my care."
I looked at the nurse, and just shook my head violently. "No, please. Please don't let this man take me home. Please."
The nurse just looked at me sympathetically, then looked at her chart. "Well, Mr. Lucas, it does seem that you are her next of kin. I'm sure that can be arranged."
"How is this possible? I'm an adult. I'm an adult, I'm 23 years old, I can make my own decisions, and I'm not going anywhere with this man."
Mr. Lucas looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "My daughter seems to be a bit disoriented. In shock. Perhaps she needs a sedative to calm her down some."
Oh, no. No. I saw my heart rate monitor climb ever higher, as I realized that I probably would end up getting a sedative. And then god-knows-what. All I could think of was that Paul might have some master plan to get me into his care and then I would be absolutely fucked. I had a broken leg. I would be powerless against him again. Like when I was 13.
And, no, I couldn't count on Nick to help me anymore. He showed his true colors, as I knew that he would. I knew it. I had serious misgivings about him all along, but yet, I still managed to get swept away in the feeling that he was the one. The one. Not just the one who would love me and protect me, but the one. My soul mate. I somehow managed to buy into the fairy tale, against my better judgment, and look where it got me. In a hospital bed with a broken leg and Mr. Lucas at my side.
And feeling more devastated than I ever had in my entire life. All the nights of Mr. Lucas raping me, and the pain that I felt every time it happened, was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the pain I felt upon seeing Nick and that awful witch.
How was I so helpless? I mean, I looked at Mr. Lucas' devious face, and the way that he was putting on a perfect Academy Award-winning act, like he was soooo concerned about my well-being, and I knew. He was a powerful man. I doubted that he would be denied. If he wanted to take me into his care, he was going to find a way to do it.
"There there," he said, smoothing back my hair. "The nurse will be back with something to calm you down. And then I can see what I can do to arrange for a transfer."
I would have to calm down. I couldn't make a scene. If I made a scene, then I would end up sedated and would end up somewhere against my will. With him.
"I'm an adult," I repeated. "And I don't want to go anywhere. Not with you. I want to stay right here."
The nurse came back in. Mr. Lucas addressed her. "I'd like to take my daughter out of this hospital. I have a private plane. I'd like to take her to a private facility where she can get the best care."
I shook my head violently. "No. I'm staying right here."
Mr. Lucas addressed the nurse. "Can I speak with you privately? I need to talk to you about my daughter's best interest."
The nurse nodded and looked at me. "We'll be right back, Ms. James."
I started breathing harder and harder. I tried to fight back my tears, but I felt them hot against my face anyhow. I felt so alone, like nobody would be there to help me fight against this guy. I knew that Nick wouldn't be there for me, so I wasn't surprised that he wasn't there at the hospital. But where was Jack at least?
Then it dawned on me. How would Jack even know that I was here? He probably wasn't at home, and there was nothing on my person that would indicate that Jack would be the one who should be called. Apparently the hospital records only knew about my mother and Mr. Lucas. My birth mother and my apparent legal guardian. How Mr. Lucas was still considered to be my legal guardian, all these years after I ran away from him, was anybody's guess.
I lay there - confused, heart-broken, and terrified, all at once. How did I manage to dive this far, this quickly, after being on Cloud Nine for those weeks with Nick? I tried not to think about all that time I spent with Nick in his loft. We rarely left the loft. Hell, we rarely left his bedroom. It was so magical - being with him, making love with him. Talking with him. Laughing with him. Just feeling his warm body next to mine. It was such a great source of comfort, being with him, and I also had to admit that the love-making was beyond words. He was so tender, so gentle, so loving. There was nothing that he wouldn't do to please me, in bed and out, it seemed.
So why would he do that to me? Why would he take up with that awful Portia? She was like an evil queen. Why would he get into her clutches? And right there at work, too. Like I wouldn't find out about that. Like the whole office wouldn't find out about that.
I felt so defeated. So stupid. I mean, before Nick, I wasn't exactly happy. But I wasn't unhappy. I was content. I was doing well in school, and at an Ivy League school at that. I had the steadfast dream to become a world-class architect, and it seemed that I was on track to do so. Nothing deterred me from pursuing this aspiration. I lived and breathed it.
Then Nick came along, and showed me what I was missing. And I hadn't been the same since. Suddenly, it wasn't enough just to pursue my dreams of being a world-class architect. Suddenly, it was necessary to have love in my life. It became as necessary as breathing to me.
Nick became as necessary as breathing for me.
Now that he was gone, what would become of me? Would I just stop breathing? How could I move on?
Damn Nick. Dammit. I knew that I shouldn't have gotten involved with him. I knew that I would be devastated by him. He was going to end up derailing all my future plans. Because I felt so unmotivated to continue in school. So unmotivated to continue in life, in general.
The depression overwhelmed me to the extent that I wanted to die.
So, when Mr. Lucas came back into the room about a half hour later, and announced that he was taking me out of the hospital, ostensibly to take me to a private facility, I just lay there and took the news. I had no fight left in me.
The nurse left, and I asked Mr. Lucas how he managed to convince the hospital to move me, over my own objections.
"Scotty. I'm a very powerful man. I always get what I want. And let's just say that I have some very well-respected friends who are on this hospital board. Any other questions?"
"So, where am I going?"
"To a private facility. It's all arranged."
I looked at my heart rate monitor. My heart was still extremely elevated, but I willed myself to calm down. But I was scared, so very scared, and so very alone right at that moment. I looked at my shaking hands and limbs. This man, this evil, evil man, was going to take me away from this hospital, and I had no idea where it was that I was going to end up. And there appeared to be nothing that I could do about it.
Still, I had to try. I buzzed the nurse to come back in.
She appeared in a few minutes. "Nurse, uh, April," I said, reading her badge. I wanted to call her Nurse Ratched, but I suppose that wouldn't go over so well, under the circumstances. "I do not want to be moved from this hospital. Please, I'm an adult. I'm 23 years old. I know my legal rights. And I do not want to be moved."
Nurse April looked at Mr. Lucas, and she just nodded her head. "I understand your wishes. But your foster father believes that it is in your best interest for you to go to a private hospital. It's already been arranged."
"I don't understand how this can be happening. Why won't anybody listen to me?" I started breathing heavier, remembering how nobody listened to me before, either. When Mr. Lucas was raping me. There was something about that man - maybe it was his money or his connections or his power, probably a combination of the three - that meant that he could get away with anything that he wanted to. "Please don't make me leave this hospital. Not with him."
"There, there," Mr. Lucas said. Then, turning to Nurse April, he said "I told you. She's had an enormous shock. She's obviously not in her right mind, so I don't see how she can make a rational decision in her state."
Just then, my heart rate shot up. I guess it was the combination of the frustration of not getting my point across, coupled with being so close to the man who had haunted me for a decade, but, all at once, the heart rate monitor zoomed to 170 bpm, and my blood pressure skyrocketed to 190/120.
Nurse April, obviously alarmed at the state of my vital signs, took it upon herself to give me a sedative of some sort. She gave me a pill and some water, but I stubbornly closed my mouth and turned my face away.
"Please, Ms. James, you need to take this. Your vital signs are dangerously high."
"No," I said. "I don't want it!" And then, just like that, my heart rate and blood pressure started to climb even higher.
And, the next thing I know, I was being injected with something. In a few seconds, I started to calm down. In fact, I started to peacefully float.
Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing bothered me.
So, when the nurse came back in later on, and informed me that I was going to be transferred, and that Mr. Lucas would be the one who would be transporting me, on his private plane, I simply said "Sure. Whatever." They provided me with some kind of paperwork, and I dreamily signed it, without reading it.
And then I fell fast asleep.
