A story of love, loss and life - Trifecta - lesbian sex

[rajkumari]

I frowned, "It was your idea to invite her over."

Tanya began dropping soda cans in the cooler one by one, "I know, it was just an observation. There's nothing wrong with it, you two make a cute couple."

My face went red, I never really thought of Alex like that. I liked her a lot, of course, and spending my days with her was my favorite way to waste time. It would definitely be a lie if I said I didn't really like kissing her on top of that.

Putting all the pieces together in such a way made it more obvious. Maybe she was my girlfriend. That thought made me start to feel like I couldn't breathe. I just wanted this to be fun and free.

The doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

"That's probably her." Tanya said and jumped up from her seat in a nearby lawn chair to get the door.

The butterflies in my stomach began to flutter around violently. Did Alex think that we were a couple? Did she expect us to be one?

"Tanya just had to say something, didn't she?" I muttered to myself.

"You're not going crazy on me now, are you?" I jumped at the sudden sound of Alex's cool voice.

"Teenage angst, you know how it goes." I replied, smoothly covering up my emotional panic.

Alex nodded in agreement, "Oh yeah. It's not a good day until I've said 'woe is me' at least five times." I giggled, forgetting about the funny feeling in my gut for a second. She was so ridiculous sometimes.

"Let's get these bad boys going finally!" My aunt announced, reappearing out back once more. This time accompanied by a tray of uncooked burgers and dogs that were destined for the grill.

"Awesome, I'm starving." Alex said patting her stomach.

"You're a trash compactor." I replied.

Alex shot me a dirty look. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Well don't just stand there and fight, light some of those fireworks off while I'm making the grub." Tanya said with an exasperated sigh, brandishing a spatula at us.

Alex and I exchanged a glance and giggled. Why did I act like such a kid with her? You did want fun and free, that's the definition right there.

"Go ahead." I said and pointed to the tub of various fireworks next to me.

Alex sifted through them for a moment and pulled out a big fountain. "Here we go."

I sat back in the lawn chair and watched Alex jog out farther to light it off. I didn't like the work that fireworks involved at all, but I loved to watch them. It was likely I would be delegating this off onto Alex all night.

Girlfriend.

My brows pulled together at that thought again. That nagging thought that had me so distracted I wasn't even watching the colorful sparks shoot from the firework that Alex just lit. I was staring at a spot on the ground and running through things again. It felt like a curse sometimes to be so damn analytical.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked, kneeling next to me.

I blushed at how close she was all of a sudden. "Mmhmm. Just thinking." I whispered

Alex cocked her head and continued to look at me. I don't think she bought what I was saying at all.

"Foods up!" Tanya called just in time to save me from Alex's scrutinizing stare. I could always count on Alex to be distracted by food-even for just a short period of time.

I did my best to make conversation between the two of them while that thought nagged at my mind throughout the night. It was ruining everything, but I had no idea how to shake it. There was no way to un-think what had been thought up in this brain.

"Well I'm going to bed. Got to get my sleep where I can." Tanya remarked with a laugh, shocking me out of my brain with her loud voice.

Alex jumped up at the same time as Tanya, "I'll head out then."

Tanya waved Alex off though, "No! There's still plenty to shoot off, you kids have fun. If you stay up really late just crash on the couch or whatever, I don't want you wandering the streets in the wee hours though. Enough crazy drivers around here normally, mix a holiday in and they go even more nuts."

"Yes ma'am." Alex said with a mock salute.

"At ease soldier." Tanya remarked over her shoulder, already walking off.

Now we were left in the same awkward silence that preceded my aunt's departure. It was ten times worse with Alex being so close to me without anyone else around.

"It's such a beautiful night." Alex sighed.

"Mmm." I hummed in agreement.

"When was the last time you slept under the stars?"

I considered her question for a moment, "I don't think I ever have."

"Seriously? We gotta remedy that."

"Tonight?" I asked and looked up, the twinkling dots in the sky were mostly clouded by the firework smoke.

"No time like the present." Alex replied her eyes averted to the sky just like mine. There was an electric tension between us that I couldn't describe. It was like my feelings on Alex being my girlfriend, not exactly unwanted or bad but maybe a little scary. It was also so reminiscent of the first time I brought her to my aunt's house.

"I'll go get some blankets then." I announced and went inside. It wasn't just for the blankets though, I needed to catch my breath. I was more wound up than I had ever been around anybody. It was making me act in one of two ways: weird and jerky or silent and broody. Either way, it wasn't me.

After taking a few deep breaths of non-Alex infused air I started to feel a little better. At least I felt a little less bogged down by my irritating and incessant thoughts. I fetched a few blankets and hurried back outside before Alex started to wonder what was taking so long and come looking for me.

Alex watched me silently as I worked, putting blankets on the ground side by side for us to lie on. I threw a bigger one over the initial two to go over us and motioned with a hand for her to come over. We continued to just awkwardly glance at each other wordlessly as we got under the blanket. I tried not to let it phase me how weird I felt right now, all of these emotions that I couldn't place - and worse the unanswered questions.

I stared at the stars with Alex no more than a foot away from me. There were no words that I could think of to begin a conversation and that bothered me even more than not having any answers. Luckily Alex started talking for me.

"Soooo," Alex started, drawing the word out, "What's been up with you all night?"

Unfortunately that was the last thing I wanted her to talk about. I chewed on my lower lip. What would I tell her? I had a lot on my mind? I wasn't feeling very good? I got into a fight with my aunt? Anything but the truth.

"Are you my girlfriend Alex?" I said after a painfully long second. I winced internally. Anything but the truth!

Alex blinked a few times, "Uh, I guess I never thought of it."

We stared at each other for another long moment, this time however I broke out in giggles. All night I was worried about it, and here Alex had been just as carefree as I about everything. She had no idea either.

"Do you want me to be your girlfriend?" Alex asked.

That stopped the giggles, "I don't know." I answered honestly.

"Do you like spending time with me?"

I nodded "Of course."

"Do you think about me when I'm not around?" Alex asked and arched a brow.

"Uh-huh." I felt the blush creep into my cheeks.

"You find me attractive, right?"

I shrugged, starting to feel a little self conscious, "Yeah."

"And do I excite you?" Alex grinned.

"Yes." My heart fluttered and my voice was barely above a whisper as I answered, "But I have no idea what being your girlfriend even means."

Alex moved closer to me under the blankets. "It means that we spend time together, and sometimes we get really close." She slipped her hand into mine and squeezed. "How does that sound?"

I scooted as close to her as I could, our hands still intertwined, "That sounds really nice." I admitted, "And we would still get to kiss each other right?"

I looked up at Alex in question and I could see the visible sigh shake through her chest. She nodded and cupped my chin, pulling me even closer. Her nose brushed against my cheek and I closed my eyes on instinct. The next thing I felt was her lips pressed against mine. I uttered a content hum from somewhere deep in my chest and felt myself completely melt into her embrace. Alex had an amazing ability to make everything else in the world seem so irrelevant when we were this close.

"You have the softest lips." Alex chuckled, barely pulling away from our kiss to tell me this. I could feel the warm breath of her throaty laugh on my skin. It absolutely intoxicated me.

I grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her closer to me once more. Alex greeted my passion with a ferocity that I didn't expect. She pinned my wrists down and kicked a leg over my waist to straddle me.

Alex bit my lower lip and I cried out in a surprised moan. She tangled her hands in my auburn hair and pulled back, before running her tongue along the length of my neck. This was beginning to escalate pretty quickly and I had no idea what to do.

"You are so fucking sexy." Alex whispered and grasped my breast before delivering a quick squeeze to punctuate her words. This absolutely took my breath away but something else in me was screaming for a halt.

"Wait, wait." I said in rushed breaths.

Alex sat right up with no protest, concern painted across her face. At least I couldn't say she was pressuring me. I looked away from her face as I spoke though.

"I'm not sure about all this." I muttered.

"Okay." Alex replied simply.

I snuck a peek at her, "Okay?"

Alex smiled, and I could tell that it was truly genuine. "Yeah, Okay. I don't want to push you. I just got really caught up in the moment." Her smile widened. "You do that to me."

My heart started pounding harder than before. "Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." Alex replied, enunciating the words to express her point. My face was on fire from how hard I was blushing now. I'm sure I was beet red.

"How about we cuddle and watch the stars?" Alex offered still grinning and straddling my waist like it was no big deal.

"That sounds nice. But could you, um, get off of me?" I muttered.

Alex laughed. It was always such a delightful noise when she did. "Sure thing."

She situated herself next to me on her back and opened her arms up in invitation. I couldn't stop the grin creeping on my face as I accepted it and laid my head on her shoulder. I knew I wasn't ready to push myself to that next level yet, but if Alex was okay with that than everything would be fine. I was content to just listen to her heartbeat mingled in with the distant fireworks and feel the even rhythm of her breathing.

This was perfection.

***

Despite my initial reservations, my heart fluttered at my newly accepted feelings about Alex. It would seem that my affections weren't shared however. Alex wasn't around anywhere for almost a week after she had stayed with me on the Fourth of July. Then, out of nowhere, she appeared one day.

I was clacking away at the old Royal while sitting on the porch and sipping on some sun tea Tanya had made the previous day. I found that the sunny California afternoons really jolted my creative process and so I often found myself typing outdoors. I could have easily done it out back and saved myself the trouble of blocking out the people on the streets and most of the other city noises, but a part of me wished that Alex would stroll up like the first day that I had that typewriter, cool as ever.

I was lucky enough that today I got my wish.

"I always seem to find you hard at work." Alex joked. She made it seem like her appearance was normal, like it was any other day-not at all like she had just been AWOL for a week.

I didn't want her to think that I was worried about her sudden disappearance though and played it just as cool, "Workaholic in training. It's a strict internship."

"That would be you alright." Alex scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

Alex shrugged, "Nothing much. Just wanted to see my girl."

"Hmm." The sound translated to 'sure you did' and Alex knew it. She rubbed the back of her neck and muttered, "I know I haven't been around, but there's a lot on my mind right now."

"Well I don't have much relationship experience to speak of, but I thought you said something about spending time with each other." I shot back smoothly, still henpecking on the Royal.

Alex sighed. "Fair point."

She shuffled her feet awkwardly and I tried to hide the smile I held at her discomfort. I only let her squirm for a few seconds however, I was too fond of her to make her suffer. With a smile, I patted the space next to me. Alex returned my smile with a coy grin.

"So, uh, what are you working on?" she asked quietly.

"A story." I replied with a grin.

"Obviously. That's what you do." Alex scoffed.

"Yup." I laughed, "It is indeed what I do. But in all seriousness, it's kind of a coming of age tale. I've been inspired by my time here."

"Do I get to read it?" Alex asked for probably the millionth time since she had first found out about my obsessive hobby.

I analyzed Alex, eyeing her up and down. There had never been a personal project of mine that I shared with anyone. Regardless, something about her made me want to share the story. Maybe it was time I opened up about my little projects.

"When I finish it we'll talk." I said slowly. It was like I was forcing every word out.

Alex's eyes lit up, "I can't wait."

"What if it sucks?" My realistic pessimism couldn't help but rear its ugly face.

"That doesn't matter." Alex grinned.

"Of course it does. The point of art is to judge it."

Alex shook her head, "No, I don't believe that. I think that no matter how 'good'," She used two fingers on each hand like quotations to enunciate how loosely she used the word, "Your work is, it'll show me another side of you that I don't know yet. That's what art is to me."

Whenever Alex spoke it was in absolute confidence. She didn't waver or second guess herself on anything she said. Alex was just sure. That confidence often made me question my own thoughts and beliefs.

"I guess you're right." I said finally.

"You keep saying that like you're just realizing it." She remarked with a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes, "You really are too much sometimes. I don't know how I put up with you."

"Yeah." She mumbled, her demeanor changing in an instant.

"So what's been with you lately?" I didn't want to be the one that dived into this topic but it looked like there was no other way it was happening.

She sighed and hung her head next to me, "I'm not a player or anything, but I'm really not used to being so attached to one person, y'know?"

"What?" I asked, completely baffled. She was making absolutely no sense.

Alex looked up at me, her brows in a tight line over her eyes. "I'm really attached to you."

I laughed, "Yeah, I'm pretty fond of you myself."

"I don't like getting attached. People leave." Alex muttered, "You're going to leave."

That's when it all hit me. She had already thought about things that hadn't even come to me yet. I was going to leave in a month or two and go back to Washington. I wouldn't get to hang out with the gang anymore, I wouldn't get to skate on the boardwalk and I wouldn't get to watch the sunsets on the beach. Most importantly I wouldn't get to see Alex every day.

"Yeah." My voice came out so weak, but it was all I could muster. I had no idea what else I could say right now.

"What happens then?" Alex whispered.

I didn't know what to say. I had no plan. I had no means to come down her whenever I wanted. On top of that, I knew my parents wouldn't approve at all.

Those things didn't factor into what I told her though, because being here had made me feel like I could freely be me for once. I told her what I wanted to happen, even if I knew deep in my heart it may never be true.

"I don't know, but I'll find a way to see you again. There's no way that I can just wake up every day and know that you're not in my life anymore. So, if I have to drive down here on the weekends or write you a letter every day, it doesn't matter. I can't just see you as a summer fling Alex. You mean so much more to me."

Alex continued to stare at me, that tight worried line lingered over her eyes. She must have seen something in me though, because the clouds broke from her face and she smiled at me. I think this was why the gang called her Sunshine. I wasn't sure about them, but her smile always brightened up my days.

"I knew there was something about you the first time we hung out. You pull me in." Alex admitted.

"I know what you mean." I said, "You always seem to catch my attention, no matter what you do."

"We're really pathetic aren't we?" Alex sighed.

"Absolutely hopeless." I replied with a grin.

"Like vomit inducing?"

"Not quite, but give it time. We'll get to that level of cute." I said and craned my neck to kiss her.

"Well that's my goal now." She murmured against my lips.

I ignored her comment and enjoyed the sensation of her soft lips, something I had missed in these last few days she had been gone. It was like satisfying a craving I didn't even know I had. The thought of leaving crept into my head and had me worried about what it would be like to be without Alex for more than just days. What would it be like when it was weeks. Months. Maybe years?

I didn't even want to imagine it. There wasn't a moment in my life that I could recall where I was happier than I was Alex. Without me ever wanting it I had become tethered to her. Every day it was getting harder and harder to want to leave California.

August, 1996

I watched with speculation as Alex turned the last sheet of paper onto the sloppy pile of other discarded pages she had already finished. Over the last hour or so I had seen her chuckle and frown at seemingly appropriate parts of the story, but this was the part that I dreaded most-the final critique. Even if Alex wasn't versed in literature like I was, her opinion still meant a great deal to me.

I eyed her anxiously, waiting for something. Nothing came. My patience wore out after a few seconds.

"So?" I finally asked tensely.

Alex looked up from straightening the papers, a small grin on her face. "It was great. I really enjoyed it."

"You're just saying that." I pouted, feeling a little cheated.

"I am not." Alex said in defense. "I think you weaved together a fantastical tale with rich characters that have to go through personal arcs in order to become better people. The narrative was solid, the dialogue was realistic and the descriptors were just strong enough to activate your imagination without being overbearing."

I blinked a few times, surprised by her thorough analysis of my text. "Thank you." I said finally.

"I just wish I knew why you won't share your talent." Alex said looking at the sheets once more.

"It's just a hobby." I shrugged.

Alex sighed, "I know. But you're really good Marley. If you had the ability to tap into your full potential I think people would be blown away."

No one had ever said things like that to me. My parents gave me support to some degree. They believed in me I suppose, but they never pushed me. Alex on the other hand was trying to make me better through the fire-she actually was pushing.

"You really think so?" I asked softly.

Alex took both of my hands in hers, "Yes. You're amazing, and I think you need to share that. Otherwise you're just really selfish." She looked super serious for all of one second before the mask broke and she started to giggle. "Seriously though, it kind of is selfish of you to have all of these amazing creations that you keep locked away. Maybe you should see what some of them can do to the world."

[rajkumari]

I wanted to believe her and at the same time there was some stubborn part of my brain that argued the facts that she was saying. "Why do you care?"

"I want you to be able to express yourself, getting published would give you better options overall." Alex said, "I'm just trying to help you succeed."

"It's not going to affect you either way though." I argued.

"Sure it is." She shrugged, "Everything you do affects me. I love you."

"Shut up!" It was my gut reaction, a stupid one seeing how my favorite person in the world was telling me that she loved me, but it was still my gut reaction.

"I wish I could, but I have a big mouth with no filter." Alex replied with a grin.

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "You don't really mean that. You're just saying it to butter me up."

Alex scooted closer to me, "I don't need to butter you up. I have you wrapped around my little finger."

I felt like I couldn't speak all of a sudden. I couldn't even breathe. Instead I hummed in my throat. It was the only verbal response I was capable of making.

Alex let out a low chuckle, "You don't have to believe me, but I'm head over heels for you Marley." She leaned even closer and brushed her lips against my ear, "You drive me absolutely crazy."

How does she make clichés sound sexy?

"I love you too!" I blurted out in the rushed breath I had been holding.

With a single finger, Alex lifted my chin up so I could meet her eyes. I got lost in those deep amber pools the moment I caught their gaze. Alex knew that she had me hypnotized and that's when she swooped in to kiss me.

Of course, in true Alex fashion a quick quip was heard before I felt her lips, "See the good that can come from sharing your work?"

I wanted to retort with a snappy comeback for once, but her lips rendered me absolutely speechless. I loved how Alex made me feel, but I hated how her touch made me completely helpless. It was like she cheated at romance in the same way that she cheated in every other competition we had.

Alex pulled back from me and looked over my shoulder with a disconcerting hum. "Didn't realize it took me so long to read that." She muttered to herself.

"What's going on?" I asked, my brows pulling together in clear confusion.

Alex shook her head, "Nothing you need to worry about. I promised someone I would meet them in a little bit, that's all."

"Learn to read quicker." I said with a shrug.

"Not my fault, you really pulled me in with your story. I wanted to savor it." She said with a grin, "Seriously though babe, think about sending that one into a magazine or something, it's really good."

"I'll think about it." I said and held up a finger of exception, "But I promise nothing."

Alex rolled her eyes and stood up, "It's all I can ask."

"See you tomorrow?" I asked with a clear hopefulness in my voice.

"Of course." She replied.

I was sad to see Alex go, as I often was nowadays, but it was a good thing too. She had been monopolizing my time so much that I hadn't been able to work on any of my personal projects much. It took me two weeks longer than I had hoped to finish the one that she read today because I opted to spend time with her over everything else most days. It made me feel terrible how much I had been blowing off Tanya as well. With a quick look around the living room I decided I would clean up around here and do something nice for her.

After things were straightened up around the living room, floors swept and dishes cleaned, I flopped back on the couch. I eyed the loose pages of my most recent tale sitting next to the Royal typewriter and thought about what Alex had said. The thought of submitting my work had been the furthest thing from my mind when I wrote anything. On the other hand she had some good points, whether I was published or not it would give me an opportunity to actually gauge how good I really was.

I began to flip through the pages, reading a line or a paragraph here or there and contemplating the things Alex had said. I heard Tanya come in at some point, but didn't call out a greeting. I was too lost in the possibilities. After a minute Tanya came around the corner with an exhausted sigh. The sigh was followed by a surprised exclamation when she saw me sitting there shuffling through the papers sitting on the table.

"Marley!" Tanya said, clearly startled. "You scared me half to death. I figured you would be out with Alex."

"She had to meet someone tonight." I replied with a smile and stopped fussing with my manuscript. "Besides I never see you anymore."

"Oh. Well that's really nice. I miss having you around here honestly." Tanya chuckled.

I rubbed the back of my neck, "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be." Tanya said and waved her hand in dismissal, "I know how all consuming young love can be. I don't blame you one bit for wanting every second you can get."

I cocked my head and considered my aunt. "How is it that you're so cool and understanding, but my parents are...?" I didn't quite have the words. Instead I just shuddered to convey my meaning.

Tanya laughed even louder, "Well James has always been a stuck up little brat. I have no idea what's wrong with your mom but she's just as bad in all the same ways. Maybe I just don't take every little detail as seriously as them, who knows?"

I grinned wide. No one dared talk about my dad in such a way. I think Aunt Tanya had just become even cooler-if that were even possible.

"Not everything is serious and life altering." I pointed out.

"Correct you are, Marley my dear." Tanya said and walked into the kitchen. She came back with two beer bottles and offered one to me.

"Seriously?" It was one thing to have a drink with the gang every now and again, but my aunt was something else completely.

"It's just me and you here." Tanya shrugged, "You're an adult now after all. I think you can decide to have a beer or two in a controlled environment with someone you trust, don't you?"

"Yeah." I nodded and held my hand out for the beer, "You're right."

Tanya popped the top off of the bottle and handed it to me. She touched the top of her bottle to mine before sitting across from me.

"You know, I had no idea what to expect when you came down this summer," Tanya admitted, "But I'm glad that we've been able to connect."

"Me too," I said, "More than you know. I feel like I can talk to you about stuff that I would never dream of telling my folks."

She chuckled, "Well, we all need someone we can talk to freely. Otherwise you just hold it in until you explode."

"They'll probably freak when they find out about Alex." I said quietly. I had no idea why I said this. It didn't mean anything really.

"Doesn't matter, it's not their life." Tanya said and patted my hand.

I took a long swig from the bottle, ignoring the bitter taste that made my face pucker up in favor of the dizzying feeling the beer gave me.

"I've never felt so strong about anyone in my life." I told Tanya, still not entirely sure why I was spilling my guts all of sudden. "It's exciting and scary, and most days I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going with the flow."

"That's okay. Sometimes life doesn't make sense and you have to just go with it." She said. "And there's nothing wrong with being confused. No one expects you to have all the answers."

I felt a weight lift off of my chest from what she told me. There was always pressure to have the right answer, or any answer at all. Knowing that I wasn't always supposed to have a solution, well that was the most relieving information that I had ever heard.

"Thank you." I whispered, looking at the ground with a silly smile of dawning realization.

"Anytime." Tanya said, "Oh, and one other thing."

I looked up, "Yeah?"

"Despite what your parents might say or think, Alex is a great person. She's strong willed and a bit over confident, but she's got a big heart and the willingness to work hard. That may not be their version of ideal, but I would say she's better than most out there."

I smiled, while memories of the last few months with my beautiful girlfriend floating through my mind. "She's a lot better than most out there." I agreed.

"She makes you happy too, I can see that."

I sighed, "I don't think I knew what being happy was until I met Alex." I'm sure that sounded pretty whimsical but it was the true depths of my feelings for the girl.

Tanya didn't say anything, she just nodded knowingly. I wanted to ask her if she knew how I felt, but I stopped myself. There was probably a sad story that I didn't want any part of attached to that nod and I was sure Tanya wanted no part recalling it either.

"So what do you got there?" Tanya asked and pointed to the stack of papers I had been rifling through earlier.

"New story. I finished it earlier."

"Looks like a novel." Tanya scoffed.

I shrugged, "I tend to drag on sometimes. It's kind of a bad habit. Alex didn't seem to mind though."

Tanya's brows rose in surprise, "You let Alex read that? I thought you didn't share?"

"I don't usually." I said.

"What did she think?"

"She seemed to really like it. She thinks that I should try and submit some of my work to a magazine or something."

"Are you going to?" Tanya asked.

What was with these two? Did they enjoy being overbearing or did they actually believe in me that much? "I haven't decided yet."

"Well if you decide that's what you want, let me know. I'll be happy to help in any way that I can. I know a couple of places just off the top of my head that are always looking for short story submissions, but you might need to cut your material down a bit." Tanya chuckled.

"I'll keep it in mind." I replied.

I knew that I would end up doing it. Not because Tanya was on my back about it too, but because somewhere deep in my heart I knew Alex was right. She wouldn't have pushed it as hard as she had if she didn't believe that I would do well. I had to believe in that faith she had in me.

I just wasn't ready to tell Tanya or Alex that yet. For now I just wanted to have the last fleeting moment of writing just being a hobby. I think I had always known it wouldn't stay that way forever and perhaps that's why I had always fought so hard to make people believe that it was just something I did-a pastime so to speak. For right now I wanted to pretend that was all it was.

Just like I was pretending that this summer wasn't my last grip on childhood before adulthood and the real world came crashing down on me. I had a little bit longer to live in my delusions and I was content to do just that. When my number was called to finally wake up I would, but right now I was happy to believe that I would be young and free forever.

***

"Come on! Open it already!" Alex groaned for the millionth time.

"I need to find the perfect place." I muttered.

"We went to the park, the pier, the beach. You've drug me all across town and still haven't opened up the damn thing! We're never gonna find out until you just do it." Alex exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

"I can't. You do it." I said, thrusting the envelope into Alex's hands.

She didn't even hesitate to rip it open and remove the single piece of paper that was inside. Alex cleared her throat and began to read the letter aloud.

"Dear Ms. Denning, we were pleased to receive your submission for the Fiction Feature column of our magazine recently. Yada, yada. As you know, we look for the highest grade of writers to appear in Pen & Ink, and only consider the best of the best when it's time to publish. Blah, blah, blah."

I felt my stomach drop as Alex read, knowing in an instant what was going to come next. They always butter you up before they break you down. It makes the defeat more crushing.

"'You more than met our standards of excellence in the piece you sent us, and we're excited to inform you that it will run in our September issue. Please keep Pen & Ink in mind for any future work!" Alex's voice began to rise in tone as she read on. I felt myself petrify the longer she spoke. Published? Was this real?

"This is amazing!" Alex declared and squeezed me tight to her chest, knocking my glasses askew. "I knew you could do it!"

"Yeah." I uttered weakly, I wasn't sure what else I could say right now. I was still in some sort of shock.

"We gotta tell Tanya! She's gonna be so stoked. Oh, and the guys too! Our Webster is going big time already." Alex couldn't stop going on and on in an excited ramble and all I could do was stand and stare at the paper in her hand.

I pulled it from her grasp without a word and read it over again and again. Alex hadn't lied. She left out the part where they would be sending a check in the mail in the next two to four weeks, but besides that she had read the letter almost to the word.

"I'm 18 and I'm going to be a published author." I said suddenly.

"I know! Isn't it exciting?" Alex squealed.

"I don't know." I replied, "I'm not sure how to feel right now. I can't believe this is happening."

"Well believe it. The world is about to find out how badass you are Marley Denning. Just like I said they would."

As usual, her brazen confidence came through for me. I cracked a hint of a smile and held the paper up. "I'm getting published!"

"You're getting published." Alex agreed a huge smile spread across her face.

"Let's do something to celebrate." I said suddenly.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Something fun. Maybe something a little crazy." I was getting flustered as the reality of what was happening set in on me. Published.

Alex flashed a devious grin, "I have an idea."

"Oh?"

"You ever been cliff diving?"

"Excuse me, what?" Did she just say cliff diving? Was she trying to kill me?

"Cliff diving. It's a lot of fun. Not to mention you get this crazy rush as you're going down that's like nothing else in the world. Those were your specified criteria, fun and crazy."

"You're being serious?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

"As a heart attack." She replied straight faced.

I narrowed my eyes and considered her. "And you've done this before?"

Alex nodded, "Sure, plenty of times."

I did want crazy... I heaved a heavy sigh. "All right, take me to my demise."

"It always turns me on when you let your optimism shine through." Alex remarked. My cheeks warmed at the mere thought of turning Alex on. Even if her words were nothing more than the typical sarcasm she wielded hard at work. "We're not getting anywhere just standing around. Let's go."

I folded the letter from Pen & Ink, the magazine Tanya had showed me for getting young authors on the map, and nodded, "Okay."

Alex took my hand in hers and smiled brighter than the California sun on this burning August day. She swung our hands as we walked and every now and again one or both of us would look over and sneak a glance. Every time our eyes met like this we would giggle and look away, like we were just a couple of school girls on the playground.

When she wasn't looking at me and I would glace over it was a different story. I would drink her features in like I was engraving her face to my brain. There was a part of me that wasn't absolutely sure about my feelings when I had first told Alex that I loved her, but whenever I looked at her now there wasn't a shadow of a doubt. In the short span of three months Alex had become everything to me. If that wasn't love then I didn't know what was.

I looked down at our linked hands and smiled, everything I did with her just felt right. It was like all of my pieces had been scattered to the four winds and now they were finally locking together. Suddenly I understood why people looked so hard for a mate in life.

If it wasn't for Alex I wouldn't even have a reason to celebrate today. I wouldn't feel so good about myself. I wouldn't try as hard as I had been lately. Everything was better when you had someone to share it with.

"Not too scary, right?" Alex asked and pointed up to the cliffs. They were high up-really high up. I did my best not to look as freaked out as I was.

"No." My voice betrayed me and Alex knew it. She shot me a sideways glance and grinned. That grin told me we were going up there whether I liked it or not.

"So, uh, how are we getting up?" I asked looking at the sheer rock face that led up to the ledge we would be jumping from.

"There's a trail that leads up to the cliff edge. Don't worry."

"I never said I was worried." I said in defense.

"Of course not." Alex replied and began walking towards the path. As soon as her back was turned I uttered a sigh.

The trail wasn't very long, but what it lacked in length it definitely made up for in steepness. To say that the short hike was exhausting would be putting it mildly. I was absolutely dying.

"This doesn't feel much like a celebration." I panted.

"It will soon, be patient." Alex said over her shoulder. She had pulled ahead of me by a few paces. Clearly I was out of shape.

When Alex and I emerged from the shaded trail and into the afternoon sun once more I breathed a sigh of relief. I was never so happy to be on even ground. I threw myself on the dirt and stretched out my legs. The burning in my calves was so intense I thought they were about to spontaneously combust.

Alex crouched down and eyed me with speculation. "Are you gonna die Webby?"

"We'll see." I replied breathlessly. "Hills suck."

"You just need more cardio." Alex grinned and stood up. She strolled to the ledge and looked down. The whistle of appreciation I heard from her did nothing to calm my nerves. When did I become such a thrill seeker anyways?

I finally caught my breath after a few more moments on the ground. My legs still felt shaky when I stood up and made my way over to Alex however. I craned my neck to see past the edge and down at the waves lapping at the rocky base of the cliff. There wasn't anything jagged sticking out of those waves, and I was sure the water was deep enough to jump into from this height. Of course, the thought of jumping from this height still scared the shit out of me regardless.

"Are you ready?" Alex asked.

"I don't know about this." I muttered.

"What if we went together? I'll hold your hand the whole way down."

I looked up at her, "Promise?"

"Promise. I'm gonna count down from three, okay?"

I drug a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "Okay."

Alex gripped my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together so I knew she wasn't going anywhere. "One...Two...Three!"

We dashed forward and jumped in perfect synchronization. My arms flapped through the air on the way down as if I were trying to learn how to fly and my legs kind of flailed of their own accord. In short it was the furthest image from graceful. Alex held my hand on the whole way down though, just like she promised.

When I hit the water, it was with such force that I just kept sinking farther and farther down. I started to swim upwards but the sun seemed really far away and I began to panic. The longer I panicked the more my lungs felt like they were being strangled.

Alex grabbed my forearm and heaved me up to the surface with a mighty tug. I gasped in a big lungful of air, trying to rid myself of that suffocating feeling. "Definitely need more cardio." She chuckled.

I used both of my hands to splash a wave of the surf into her face. Alex wiped her face and gave me a grim look. "You're gonna regret that."

Before I knew what I had started, Alex was throwing out a barrage of water at me. I did my best to splash her back but she had me sputtering in surrender in no time. "Mercy, mercy!" I cried, unable to see anything with the water logged lens of my glasses.

[rajkumari]

I heard Alex's chuckle, "Want to go one more time?"

I had no idea what compelled me, but I said yes. So we pulled ourselves out of the water and trekked back to the top. Alex's influence over me never ceased to be amazing.

***

We didn't just go back to the top the cliff one more time, but four more times. After I had got used to the scary part, the actual experience of free falling was amazing. It seemed like the perfect analogy of how I felt with the whole publishing deal.

The two of us had finally made our way back towards my aunt's house, completely exhausted and soaking wet. At least at first we were. The sun, even though it was close to setting, was doing a good job of drying us off the further we walked.

"Did you have fun?" Alex asked.

I nodded, "I always have fun with you."

"I am susceptible to flattery you know." She replied with a wink.

I let out a little giggle. "I do know. That's why I use it on you."

Alex hooked an arm around my neck and pulled me close so she could kiss the top of my head. I slipped my arm around her waist without a care in the world what anyone might be thinking. Linked together like that is how we made it back to Tanya's.

"I can't believe I'm already dry." Alex said with a laugh.

"Speak for yourself. I'm going upstairs to change."

I jogged up the stairs and into the room I had been occupying for the last few months. As soon as the door was shut behind me, my clothes were off. I hated the way that wet fabric clung to my skin. The only thing I hated more than that was the sand stuck between my skin and the wet fabric.

There was a sweet relief when I was completely bare of all the wet garments, I stood still and relished in it while my skin air dried. However, I began to seek out clothes when my mind brought up the possibility of Alex simply bursting through the door without knocking. It did seem like her character after all.

It was a good thing I wasn't a better, because I was wrong in that assumption of her. When Alex did come up to check on me, she made sure to rap on the door twice before she tested the handle. All at once I felt like a real ass to actually believe my girlfriend had zero common courtesy.

"Are you decent?" she asked, not opening up the door all the way. There was a part of me that wasn't even aware that Alex had the capability to be so chivalrous. It was really quite endearing.

"Yeah, come on in." I said. Alex opened the door and looked around. This was the first time she had been in here with me.

"Everything feels so blank." She chuckled and sat down on the bed next to me, "I guess everything is blank compared to my room though."

"Your room is chaos." I scoffed.

"I like to think of it as controlled anarchy." She corrected me and we both had a laugh.

There was a beat of silence and then Alex spoke again. "I'm really proud of you Marley. I know I haven't said it yet, but it's just because I've been really excited." She patted my thigh and I felt the heat in my cheeks rise. "I know how hard it was for you to even send a story in."

"Thank you Alex." I whispered, "It means a lot coming from you."

Alex grinned and turned towards me. She kissed my lips softly and rested her forehead against mine. "You know I really do love you right?" she murmured low enough for only me to hear, despite the fact that we were completely alone.

"And I love you." I replied, breathless.

"I want to take things farther." She squeezed me thigh, "I want to show you how much I love you."

I knew what she was suggesting, but was completely unsure of what I should do. I looked back into those hazel eyes and knew in an instant that I wanted her too. I nodded, not trusting my voice in this moment.

Alex's lip upturned just the slightest. She brought her lips back to mine, a new fervor in the way she kissed me. It was like she wasn't holding back anymore.

With fingers that I could visibly see trembling, Alex lifted my blouse up and over my head. She let out a ragged sigh seeing me in just a bra. This brought a small smile to my lips. She touched the skin of my waist, and pulled me even closer to her. Things were going faster than I expected, but I had no intention of stopping this time.

Electricity shot through me. I thought I couldn't feel more like livewire. Then she kissed my neck and my collar bone and, finally, right between the cleft of my breasts. Alex's eyes flicked back up to me, her lips still right there on my skin and a pronounced shiver ran through me.

Alex grinned and I pulled her face up so I could mash her lips to mine. I knew for sure this was exactly what I wanted. I was willing to surrender to Alex and let her ravish me in any way she pleased.

"Marley Elizabeth Denning!"

My blood froze in my veins. I looked past Alex's shoulder to see the horrified face of my mother staring back at me. I grabbed my shirt to cover myself up and tried to sputter out some sort of response. "W-What are you doing here?"

"We're taking you back home!" Her voice was like cold iron stabbing into me.

I pulled my shirt on and Alex scurried out of the room as quickly as she could, leaving my mother there to just glare at me as if I was some kind of criminal. There was something about the voice of my parents that turned me into someone I had grown to hate. I didn't want to be packing my bags, even as I was. I wanted to stand up to her and tell my mother she had no place to interfere with my life but instead I was acting like a puppy with her tail between her legs.

I began to haul my bags down the stairs, a numb feeling already seeping throughout my being. That's when I heard my father arguing with my aunt.

"What were you thinking?" he asked Tanya.

"You're overreacting James. She's just trying to figure out who she is." Tanya said.

"See, this is exactly why we never let her spend any time with you. I knew you would just let Marley run wild and ruin everything we've ever taught her. Seriously Tanya, letting her fool around with some strange girl!" My father uttered a sound of disgust.

"If you would talk to your daughter for one second you would know that it wasn't just some strange girl she was with. Marley and Alex are good friends." Tanya argued.

My father's face was so red he looked about to burst. "She doesn't know what she's doing!"

"She's an adult. Maybe you need to give her more credit."

"This conversation is over Tanya." My father noticed me standing there like a puppet and scowled like I had done something foul and unspeakable.

"In the car Marley." He commanded with a heavy point of his finger. I looked past his shoulder to Aunt Tanya. She looked helpless and unsure of what to do. I ran forward and threw my arms around her in the quick moment I had before they towed me away.

"I'll miss you." I whispered.

"I'll miss you too kiddo." I could hear the tears rising in her voice.

"Thank you." I said and pulled away before my father could come down on me with that harsh tone that burned in my ears.

With my head hung I drug my bags out to the car and sat in the back waiting for my parents. Just like the good girl I despised. In their usual creepy synchronization, my parents entered the car and shut their doors simultaneously only moments later.

"I'll be glad when I'm out of here. It was a bad idea to do this in the first place." My mother remarked to no one in particular.

"Wait!" I said abruptly. My father turned and looked at me with annoyed expectancy.

"I have to say goodbye to Alex."

"No." My father said, putting his foot down. "She was the problem in the first place."

"Some of my stuff is over there though." I argued.

The speculative eye that I received for that comment was uncomfortable to say the least. He didn't say anything at first and I felt a little confidence rise inside of me.

"Then I'll just walk over there myself." I threw open the car door and waited for their response.

Mother sighed in defeat "Fine, five minutes. That's it."

I had no idea how I would say goodbye to Alex. I didn't want to by any means, but I felt like there was no choice in this matter. The will of my parents was indomitable. There wasn't much power I could will to myself in the end.

They parked on the street and I jumped out with a sigh. Alex was sitting on the curb with her head in her hands, my skateboard propped up next to her. I had almost forgotten about frankenboard. At least I would have something to remind me of the beautiful girl I would have to leave behind.

"Alex." I said simply, my voice full of glum. Alex jumped up at my voice, her face reflecting my tone perfectly.

"You, uh, forgot your board." She handed it to me and rubbed her neck awkwardly.

"I have to go." I muttered.

She sighed, "I figured."

"I don't think you understand." I said, cautiously meeting her eyes, "I don't think I'll be coming back any time soon."

Alex's brows furrowed, "What about everything we talked about?"

I opened my mouth, but didn't really have anything to say. How could I make her understand my position? I closed it again and opted for silence instead.

"So that's it? Everything between us this summer was just some stupid fling?" I could hear the anger quickly rising in her voice.

"Let's go Marley." My father barked from the car. I tensed up involuntarily and looked back in sadness.

"I have to go." I said again.

Alex was a melting pot of emotions, each one chiseled into the features of her face. Anger, sadness, confusion and a hurt so deep there wasn't even a word for it. I expected her to start yelling at me-maybe even slap me-but she didn't. She did something much more appalling.

Snatching the skateboard from my hands, Alex slammed it against the ground with all her might, effectively splitting the wood of the deck in half. She kicked the pieces at me and spit at my feet before turning on her heel without so much as a goodbye-or even a fuck you. If my heart wasn't already breaking it would have just shattered.

I picked the pieces of splintered wood up, knowing full well what she was just trying to tell me. Frankenboard was made from her very first deck, something that was so close to her heart only I got to touch it. She had told me recently the only thing she loved more than skating was me, somehow it felt that I had managed to tarnish both of those things in one night.

Clutching the busted board to my chest was like holding the pieces of Alex's heart. In a daze I walked back to the car holding the broken board. My mother looked at the pieces in my hand and shook her head.

"No way is that dirty thing going in my car." She said.

I didn't listen though. I got into the back seat regardless and set the board on my lap. She sighed and exchanged a wary glance with my father who shrugged his shoulders.

We drove away from Alex's house silently. My parents never turned to offer me an encouraging word or even a sympathetic smile. They didn't even speak to each other. It was as if everything in the car was dead.

Back to normal...

I watched as this place that I had come to love whipped past me. I recalled the memories of this summer and how much it meant to me. The last time I was in this car the only thing I wanted was to go back home, and now I would give anything to just jump out and run back to Tanya's.

It was foolish though. My parents had forcibly cut short this point in my life, and if I knew anything about them, they would make sure it stayed closed as long as they could. This was the wakeup call that I had been expecting-and dreading. I clung to the broken pieces of wood in my lap as silent tears streamed down my cheeks.

I wasn't a child anymore and I never would be again.

September, 2004

My hands flew across the keyboard, crafting a whole new scene out of thin air. It wasn't supposed to be in the story, but I had to make changes for the studio. It was either that or let some two bit hack, fresh out of college make them. I would be damned if anyone but me was going to ruin one of my books though.

I had just started digging into a good groove when I heard the chime of an incoming call coming from the speakers. I grit my teeth in irritation, but halted my process regardless. It could have been the director after all.

I would have been glad if it was the director bitching at me about time lines, but it wasn't. It was Ollie. He was my agent, but he was also a good friend. On many occasions, Ollie and his wife Loraine had given me support or a hot meal when I was without. His only flaw was that he worried about things way too much and more often than I liked.

With a sigh, I brought up the video chat side by side with my document and answered the call.

"Hey Marley." Ollie chirped in his usual good natured way.

"What's up?" I asked, a little shortly.

"I have a proposition for you." He didn't take offense to my tone because he knew what I was like. Instead he simply cut to the chase.

"I'm listening." I muttered.

"When was the last time you went on a date?"

I rose a brow unconsciously, "That's a question not a proposition."

Ollie rolled his eyes, "Well answer it."

"I don't date." I said.

It was true too. When I got lonely I would look for some trouble but it was so much easier to stay unattached. People were distractions. I worked better free of distractions.

"How would you like to go on a date?" He asked, looking at me warily.

"Where the hell is this coming from?" I sighed.

Ollie dove into the full story, no condensing things for him. "Well me and the wife decided to take some cooking classes recently, she wanted to learn classic French cuisine, but I said if I'm going to learn cooking it better be something I'm gonna eat."

I dropped Ollie's box down and brought the document back to full size. "So the instructor, she's just cute as a button, and she-Hey! Did you just minimize me?" Ollie cried in outrage, finally realizing that I wasn't staring back at him anymore.

"A bit busy over here, trying to kill two birds." I said, beginning to type once more.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. You're socially inept now that you turned into a workaholic" Ollie sighed.

"I've always been a workaholic, only now I can afford to shut everyone else out when I want the time." I said, correcting Ollie. "Besides they have me working around the clock with this screenplay. Why do you think I came out to California in the first place? Probably wouldn't catch me dead out here otherwise."

"Marley." Ollie said in desperation, "Please think about it at least."

I pulled up the chat window again and set him with a stoic stare, "If I agree to this will you leave me alone so I can get some work done?"

"Yes." Ollie agreed, holding up the Boy Scout hand sign for good measure.

"Fine." I sighed in surrender, "When, where and what time."

***

It was my intention to turn up fashionable early to the restaurant that Ollie had directed me to, but nothing ever seemed to go as I intended. Instead I was at least fifteen minutes late. If I cared more about this whole dating thing in the first place I would have worried about first impressions, but instead I was stuck on how much extra time I was wasting when I could be finishing my revisions.

Maybe after I finished those I could bust out some old projects I've been neglecting since I decided to do this whole movie thing. My mind was busy day dreaming about that, writing something worth writing, and not at all about who this mysterious woman could be. In fact it didn't cross my mind once.

"Reservation for Denning." I said, approaching the host center.

"Right this way." A young gentlemen in his early twenties replied with a wave of his hand. His smile was corporate and there was too much gel in his hair. By my guess he got lucky with a good paying job to get him through college.

I followed the host to a table near the windows of the establishment, the prime spot to stare out at the city life while you ate. That was the last and only thought I had about the table or location of where I would be dining tonight. My eyes finally landed on my blind date.

I motioned with my head to the host that he wouldn't be necessary anymore and observed her for a moment before approaching. She was looking out the window, one hand propping her chin up. Waves of sandy locks fell halfway down her back and covered her face so I couldn't get a good look at her features. If her body was any indication of the total package though, this girl was knockout.

Finally I walked the few steps forward and cleared my throat. "Excuse me?"

She turned at the sound of my arrival and flashed me a smile. It was so blinding I was actually stunned for a second. I caught myself quick and extended a hand, "Marley Denning."

She took my outstretched hand, that smile still firmly planted. "Lilah Weber."

"Nice to meet you Lilah." I said in my smoothest voice, only one intention on my mind now. It was true what I had told Ollie about dating-I could still have some fun though.

"Nice to meet you too Marley." She said in a very pleasant voice.

"So I have to ask before anything else, why did you agree to do this?" I asked trying to get a feel for her.

Lilah took a sip of water and considered the question, "I'm still not entirely sure. The experience I suppose. How many times in my life will I go on a blind date with a pseudo celebrity?"

Something about Lilah was so girl-next-door. It was hard to place exactly, but you could just tell that she was a sweetheart. It made it slightly harder to have such sexually forward thoughts about her when she seemed so innocent.

"Fair point."

"What about you?" She shot back.

"My agent bullied me into this." I replied with a small smile.

"Seriously?"

"He can be quite persistent." I assured her.

"I figured that out in the short amount of time I spoke with him." Lilah laughed, "I meant is the thought of a blind date so bad that you have to let a forty five year old man bully you into one?"

"I don't like to date." I answered honestly.

"Yes, I know." She said, her smile faltering. "I hear that's not your style at all."

The hairs stood out on the back of my neck and her words left a bad taste in my mouth. Usually girls were enamored to be around me, this Lilah was being honest and observant. Something I hadn't expected at all.

"Look, I'm not making a good impression here." I said waving my hands in front of me, "So how about we start over, with all of the nasty things that may or not be true in the tabloids out of it."

"Okay." Lilah agreed, the smile creeping back onto her face.

"What is it that you do Lilah?" I asked sweetly and then added in for a laugh, "This is something you would talk about on a first date right?"

She giggled and nodded, "Yes. I'm a chef."

"How did you get into that?" I asked, trying to actually take interest in what this girl was saying. I had no idea why. I still didn't care that much, but I did like the way her voice sounded when she spoke to me.

"Probably spending time in my grandma's kitchen when I was a little girl. I've loved cooking as long as I can remember. It can create such happiness in people. So what do you do Marley?" Lilah's cheeky smile dared me to play along.

I grinned back. She was absolutely infectious. "I'm a writer. Probably haven't heard of me though, the critics think I'm a hack."

"What do critics know?" Lilah replied with a shrug. "Besides, I usually go by the fan reviews anyway."

There was something happening here that I really hadn't expected. We were actually connecting. I wanted to pull back immediately and run back to where it was safe in front of my computer screen, but I didn't.