Re: A story of love, loss and life - Trifecta - lesbian sex
Posted: 04 Sep 2016 09:48
Thankfully though, there was enough distraction that the thought wasn't a constant bother throughout the night. Alex and Lilah's place was in a high traffic trick-or-treat neighborhood. One of the three of us got the door so often that I'm sure no one got the full gist of any of the initial movies we had playing. Around nine things finally started to calm down and by ten the whole event was over.
Lilah got up to put in another movie, an old slasher from the 80s, leaving me and Alex sitting next to each other. After a brief moment it became unbearably uncomfortable for me. I knew I had to move before the tight feeling in my chest swallowed me.
"I'll go get some popcorn." I said and jumped up. I didn't notice that my shoe lace had got caught under my foot however, and I was falling before I even knew what was going on. The ground didn't crash into me like I expected though. Alex grabbed me around the waist and threw her foot out for balance so we didn't both topple over. My arms instinctively went around her neck and I pulled her closer than necessary.
"You're still such a klutz." Alex said in a quiet voice.
Suddenly being close to Alex wasn't uncomfortable at all. I could feel the breath coming out of my lungs shallow and slow, but it wasn't uncomfortable. My heart began beating a million times faster, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. The only thing that did feel uncomfortable was the desire to close the three-inch gap between my lips and hers.
"Jesus, why don't you just get a fucking room already?" Lilah declared hotly, breaking me from the stupor I was in. She shook her head in anger for another moment before turning on her heel and stomping out.
"Real smooth." Alex said low enough for only me to hear. I went red from head to toe and took a few weird shuffling steps backwards. What the hell was I thinking? How was she able to do that to me? Alex chuckled once and walked off in the opposite direction as Lilah.
This left me standing there alone, ashamed and confused. I knew I should go after one of them. Luckily the better part of me won and led me to Lilah instead of chasing after Alex.
"I'm sorry." I said the second I saw her. "I-I don't know what just happened, it was like I went back in time or something. Not that that's an excuse at all."
Lilah didn't say anything right away, she simply nodded slowly. "This probably wasn't the best idea." She spoke just as slow as her nodding head.
"Having me over again? Yeah, probably wasn't the best idea."
"No, the whole thing."
My head began to spin, "Wait a second, now all of a sudden us being together is a bad thing? Not when things got difficult for me, but now? When something slightly uncomfortable happens to you?"
"You almost kissed my best friend in front of me." Lilah pointed out quite calmly.
"She's the love of my life!" I shouted.
The look that struck Lilah's face made me wish I could grab the words out of the air and take them back instantly. I heaved a deep sigh and spoke much more softly.
"Was. She was the love of my life. All this time and somehow the feelings are still there-like it all happened yesterday. It's incredibly hard to forget about your first love when it's right there." I looked at Lilah intently, "But that doesn't mean that I'm trying to hurt you at all, that's the last thing I want."
"What do you want then?" Lilah asked with downcast eyes.
"You. All I want is you."
"Are you sure? I understand if this is all too much. I know this isn't the ideal situation for any party involved and you probably have the worst of all of us."
She was too sweet for her own good. I had no idea why she wanted to be with a cold prick like me so much.
"I love you." I said without thinking.
This confession startled me almost as much as it did Lilah. I could see her blue eyes getting wider as the fact sunk in. I swallowed hard and stared at her wordlessly, unsure about where this was supposed to go.
"I...love you too." Lilah said, so low it was almost inaudible.
I took her face in both my hands and looked deep into those blue eyes. Then without hesitation my lips mashed into hers. I had started just reacting and not caring about anything else. Nothing else mattered in this moment but us.
Lilah grabbed my shirt tightly and pulled me closer. Her body pressed against mine in a way that showed how much she wanted me, exciting me even further. One of my hands traveled back from her face to tangle in those long, blond locks, while the other slid down to her waist.
Just as things were really starting to escalate, they stopped. Lilah flattened her hands on me and pushed back. I could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she panted for breath.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." She mumbled and turned away from me. "I'm just tired. It's been a long night."
What was I doing wrong to deserve this? She told me in the beginning that she wouldn't be the girl to just jump in bed with me, but that didn't stop the sting of rejection I still felt. Rejection was easily the most painful thing in my opinion and that was exactly why I didn't like to date in the first place. If I wanted to face rejection I would send a new manuscript to my editor.
"All right. Well I'll see myself out then so you can rest." I sighed, remembering that whole thing involving grace. "Call me."
"I will." Lilah said quietly, still not looking at me.
It was frustrating, but I would get over it. This was just a trial in the relationship and I wanted to be as understanding as I could be. Lilah had gone too deep under my skin to not keep trying as hard as I could. At the same time though, I just wanted her to open up to me.
It wasn't just about the sex either. That was an important part of it of course, but it wasn't the only part of it. She wouldn't let me get close to her intimately at all. She kept me at arm's length most of the time. Was she really that afraid of me based on reputation alone?
"Can we talk?"
I clasped my hand to my chest, surprised at Alex's sudden appearance as I left the house. I breathed in through my nose and let out a big exhale. "Please don't do that again." I replied.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Alex shrugged, "So can we talk?"
"What's this about?" I said shortly.
Alex sighed, "Do you have to make everything so damn difficult?"
"I suppose not." I said, cracking a grin in spite of myself. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
"This Lilah situation."
I laughed, but it held no humor. "There is no Lilah situation."
"Let's not kid ourselves. We both know that this relationship isn't going to last past the next few weeks. I would rather you pull back before she gets hurt. She's not like us, she's sensitive."
"What gives you the notion I'll hurt her at all?" I thought about giving back grace again and grit my teeth, trying to suppress the rage building in me from her accusations.
Alex sighed as if she had to deal with something that took great patience, "It probably won't be on purpose, but come on Marley, you're gonna get bored of her and then what? She's not enough for you."
"That's a pretty callous thing to say about your best friend." I scoffed.
"I'm just being honest." Alex said. "Besides, you're not that shy, naïve girl anymore. I know you have needs that have to be fulfilled and I can't guarantee that you'll be able to find release with Lilah. Has she even gone farther than kissing you yet?"
I didn't say anything and I didn't have to. The blush that rose in my cheeks said it all. There were plenty of instances in the brief time that we had been together when the passion burnt bright in me. Lilah was always quick to douse that flame though. The event that just transpired between us was a great example of that.
"That's what I thought." She said with a mocking grin.
"Why do you care what I do anyways? None of this should matter to you."
"I told you. I worry what will happen to Lilah." Alex shrugged, and then set me with a piercing gaze, "I also worry about you."
"You do?" This definitely caught me off guard.
"I can give you what you want." Alex said, moving dangerously close. "What you need. You've always known that."
I held my breath. This was what I had waited so long for. So many years without Alex and now she was here offering herself up on a silver platter. I came to my senses before I could make good on her proposal though.
"No." I said and stepped back, shaking my head. "Not like this."
Alex searched my face. Seeing how serious I was she backed off as well. Her brow pulled together tight over dark eyes. "Was it that easy to just get over me and move on?"
"Of course not!" I cried, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "I thought about you every day for years and years. I thought about you every time I wanted to be with someone, and I wouldn't let myself. But I got tired Alex."
"Why didn't you come back like you said? Why did you just turn your back for good?" Alex asked, her voice quavering. She sounded on the verge of tears.
"Honestly? I don't know." I sighed. "I shut out everything from my past. I'm sorry you were included in that."
She scoffed. "You make it really hard to hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." I assured her.
Alex laughed once and wiped at her eyes, "I really did miss you."
"I missed you too." I admitted.
Alex cracked a small smile and looked at me for a good long time before finally speaking again, "So it's serious with her?"
I nodded, "Yeah. I think it is."
"She's too good for you. I hope you know that." Alex stated. I wasn't the least bit offended either. She was absolutely right on that fact. Lilah was too good for me.
"I've known that for a while." I said with a chuckle. "Thankfully, people can change."
"Lucky for you." Alex scoffed and turned to walk back inside.
"Wait a sec!" I said loudly and Alex turned to look at me wordlessly. "Are we good?" I asked.
She gave me a scrutinizing stare for a few seconds and then she smiled. Smiled in a way that I hadn't seen from her either time I had been here. It was the smile of the eighteen year old girl I once knew.
"Yeah Webster, we're good." She said softly and resumed her course inside again.
As I watched Alex walk away I had to wonder if things would have turned out as well in that conversation if I hadn't listened to Tanya's advice. My best guess was no. I had the ability to be stubborn and pig headed sometimes. Hell, I had felt it coming on at one point while we talked even.
It never ceased to amaze me how little I actually knew. Despite how intelligent I claimed to be, I was still ignorant and foolish to so much.
November, 2004
I tapped my desk in anticipation, waiting for Ollie's call. Since Tanya had given me the Royal back I had completely discarded using my PC for any recreational writing. In fact I rewrote the entire manuscript that I had started on the old typewriter before taking the story any further. It was like there was magic in those ancient keys and they allowed me to tap into something I hadn't had in a very long time.
Just as I was wondering if I should try to write a little more on my new project Ollie called. I wanted him to just call my cell, but he preferred using video chat so that's what he forced on me. I wasn't as fond of that method because I had to show how engaged I was in the conversation and that was difficult sometimes.
"Hey there super star!" Ollie said with all the typical glee I had come to expect from him over the years.
"How's it goin' Ollie?" I asked, managing to smile a little more than usual at his pep.
"Well, I just got off the phone with the director and let me tell ya, he was blown away with your finished script. Couldn't say enough good things about it."
I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding and smiled, "That's a relief. If I never have to do another one again I'll be happy. It is not my medium."
"You wouldn't be able to tell with what you did. It's magnificent kid, truly." Ollie beamed.
"Well I've been hit with some new inspiration, so maybe that rubbed off on my later revisions."
Ollie raised a brow, "New inspiration? That sounds like a novel in the works."
"Maybe." I shrugged trying to stay casual. "Don't want to get anyone's hopes up but I may be bringing back a fan favorite."
"If you're doing another Archanon book you better tell me before it gets too serious." He warned me, "You know I want to read it first."
"We'll see." I said.
"I hear you've been doing quite well in other areas too, you know. Especially the more personal parts of your life." Ollie said, clearly baiting me.
"What are you talking about?" I hadn't told anyone about Lilah, and I especially hadn't told Ollie about the state of our relationship.
"Well word is that the most eligible young writer on the market has just been bought. Care to comment?" The smug smile Ollie wore brought me to a new level of irritation that I hadn't previously felt before with him.
"It's true." I said and then begrudgingly added, "Thank you for introducing us."
"I'm sorry, the program froze. What did you say?"
"I said you're pushing your luck old man." I grunted.
Ollie chuckled, "At this age I got to push it where I can."
I sighed, knowing I was doing that whole stubborn thing again, "Well thank you, really. I should trust your judgment more often."
"Well that's what makes me the best agent in the business Marley, my dear."
"I'll try to remember that next time you push me into something."
"Do that." He said with a point of his finger. "I've got stuff I need to take care of, but you stay on whatever creative roll you got going. Hear me?"
"I hear you." I told him.
"And if you are doing a new Archanon novel, let me know. I'm curious what loophole you're going to exploit to make it canon."
He hung up before I could respond and the smile I wore faltered. Hadn't I said that exact thing to Lilah about loopholes? Couldn't I just write without having to explain the how, why and where all the time?
I looked over at the typewriter sitting next to my desktop and frowned. The vigor I had for my new manuscript lost all life. I couldn't muster myself to even think about touching the keys with this doubt that Ollie had planted. He couldn't just shut up sometimes, could he?
I put my hands over my face and groaned. "Fuck."
The writer's block that came over me was so strong and sudden that I was shaken by it. Not in years had I felt a block as fierce as this. My temples started to pound as I tried to route around the possibilities of the loophole that Ollie had mentioned. How would I exploit such a thing to please absolutely everyone? How could I do it and still make the story work?
As the intense migraine came over me, I wished that I had chosen any other profession. I knew that was a silly thing to think, I couldn't just stop being a writer of course. You could slow down and get sloppy, but you never stopped-that was the magic of it. However the downside was beating your head against an imaginary wall like I was doing now.
There wouldn't be any forward progress when I was torturing my brain like this. I stood from the chair and left my office. A couple aspirin and a walk, that was sure to clear some things up. Then I could get back to work.
***
I didn't wait for Lilah to invite me over anymore before I went to see her. There had been a few times where I just showed up completely unannounced. Twice Lilah hadn't been there when I came to visit and somehow Alex and I ended up having very civil and pleasant conversations. It gave me hope that we could at least be friends again someday.
When I strolled down the sidewalk to Lilah and Alex's place the first thing I noticed was that both of them were sitting outside. Lilah was sitting at least. Alex looked like she was sliding back and forth somehow. On closer glance I noticed that Alex was standing on a skateboard and was shifting her hips back and forth to make the board slide from side to side.
I was surprised to see that Alex still skated. She had always told me that skating was her escape but I still figured she would hang it up when she got a little older. I watched her for a second longer, remembering all the times that I had seen her on a skateboard. She still had all the grace and confidence in her movement now as she did back then.
I didn't want to be caught awkwardly watching Alex so I got closer to them and raised a hand in greeting, "Hey there!"
Lilah beamed at my appearance and rushed over to throw her arms around me. I loved how she was always so enthusiastic to see me. She made me feel wanted whenever I was around.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. Just from her tone you could tell she didn't ask because she didn't want me around. Lilah thought that she wasn't worthy of my time. To me this was a completely ridiculous notion.
I shrugged, "Just in the neighborhood."
"Thirteen blocks away from your house with no car? A likely excuse Webby." Alex said and hopped off the board. She popped it up into her hand and walked over to where Lilah and I were standing.
"That's the whole truth and nothing but Sunshine." I replied with a grin.
I noticed Lilah wasn't smiling though. Something about the old connection that Alex and I were rekindling seemed to unnerve her. I wish there was a way that I could let her know that Alex would never make me love her any less.
"I'm guessing this is a long shot, but do you still skate?" Alex asked with a curious glance.
"It's been awhile." I said.
"You used to skate with them?" Lilah's demeanor changed from the pout she had just been wearing in an instant. She giggled beside me. "I just can't see it."
I raised a brow, "How come? Do I not look cool enough to you?"
Lilah shrugged, a wide smile plastered on her face now.
"Cool or not, Marley used to shred back in the day." Alex said.
"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment or not." I said and held my hand out to Alex. "Let me see that."
Alex handed me the board with a wide grin, I'm sure she was curious if I was about to eat cement. "No laughing from either of you when this goes south." I said over my shoulder and dropped the board to the ground. I put a foot on the board and rolled it back and forth, testing out the wheels. They felt fast under my feet.
"Here goes nothing." I muttered to myself and pushed off the ground. Even I expected to fall face forward, but I didn't. I wasn't as smooth or graceful as I used to be, but I still had the balance down.
There was something else that was still there too. That rush I got that cleared my mind of everything but the board under my feet. I remembered so many nights that I had gone out to skate just to help process through the writer's block or overwhelming thoughts.
I popped the front two wheels of the board up and balanced my weight back more, riding into a manual. I could only keep the board up for a few seconds before I had to slam it back down, but it was amazing that I could do that even.
Skating was still therapeutic, and with everything that I had been feeling since Ollie's phone call I could use some therapy. I was tired of the expectations of being a famous writer. I was tired of the attention. I was tired of the limitations.
I got out of the groove of skating when my adult brain shifted back to my problems in a way that my teenage brain never did. My feet shifted too far when I went to turn the board and I tumbled forward. That's what I got for dwelling.
"Marley!" I heard Lilah scream first, followed by the rushed footfalls of two individuals. At least Alex cared enough to check if I had killed myself. Or she just wanted to get her board before it rolled into traffic...
Lilah got up to put in another movie, an old slasher from the 80s, leaving me and Alex sitting next to each other. After a brief moment it became unbearably uncomfortable for me. I knew I had to move before the tight feeling in my chest swallowed me.
"I'll go get some popcorn." I said and jumped up. I didn't notice that my shoe lace had got caught under my foot however, and I was falling before I even knew what was going on. The ground didn't crash into me like I expected though. Alex grabbed me around the waist and threw her foot out for balance so we didn't both topple over. My arms instinctively went around her neck and I pulled her closer than necessary.
"You're still such a klutz." Alex said in a quiet voice.
Suddenly being close to Alex wasn't uncomfortable at all. I could feel the breath coming out of my lungs shallow and slow, but it wasn't uncomfortable. My heart began beating a million times faster, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. The only thing that did feel uncomfortable was the desire to close the three-inch gap between my lips and hers.
"Jesus, why don't you just get a fucking room already?" Lilah declared hotly, breaking me from the stupor I was in. She shook her head in anger for another moment before turning on her heel and stomping out.
"Real smooth." Alex said low enough for only me to hear. I went red from head to toe and took a few weird shuffling steps backwards. What the hell was I thinking? How was she able to do that to me? Alex chuckled once and walked off in the opposite direction as Lilah.
This left me standing there alone, ashamed and confused. I knew I should go after one of them. Luckily the better part of me won and led me to Lilah instead of chasing after Alex.
"I'm sorry." I said the second I saw her. "I-I don't know what just happened, it was like I went back in time or something. Not that that's an excuse at all."
Lilah didn't say anything right away, she simply nodded slowly. "This probably wasn't the best idea." She spoke just as slow as her nodding head.
"Having me over again? Yeah, probably wasn't the best idea."
"No, the whole thing."
My head began to spin, "Wait a second, now all of a sudden us being together is a bad thing? Not when things got difficult for me, but now? When something slightly uncomfortable happens to you?"
"You almost kissed my best friend in front of me." Lilah pointed out quite calmly.
"She's the love of my life!" I shouted.
The look that struck Lilah's face made me wish I could grab the words out of the air and take them back instantly. I heaved a deep sigh and spoke much more softly.
"Was. She was the love of my life. All this time and somehow the feelings are still there-like it all happened yesterday. It's incredibly hard to forget about your first love when it's right there." I looked at Lilah intently, "But that doesn't mean that I'm trying to hurt you at all, that's the last thing I want."
"What do you want then?" Lilah asked with downcast eyes.
"You. All I want is you."
"Are you sure? I understand if this is all too much. I know this isn't the ideal situation for any party involved and you probably have the worst of all of us."
She was too sweet for her own good. I had no idea why she wanted to be with a cold prick like me so much.
"I love you." I said without thinking.
This confession startled me almost as much as it did Lilah. I could see her blue eyes getting wider as the fact sunk in. I swallowed hard and stared at her wordlessly, unsure about where this was supposed to go.
"I...love you too." Lilah said, so low it was almost inaudible.
I took her face in both my hands and looked deep into those blue eyes. Then without hesitation my lips mashed into hers. I had started just reacting and not caring about anything else. Nothing else mattered in this moment but us.
Lilah grabbed my shirt tightly and pulled me closer. Her body pressed against mine in a way that showed how much she wanted me, exciting me even further. One of my hands traveled back from her face to tangle in those long, blond locks, while the other slid down to her waist.
Just as things were really starting to escalate, they stopped. Lilah flattened her hands on me and pushed back. I could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she panted for breath.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." She mumbled and turned away from me. "I'm just tired. It's been a long night."
What was I doing wrong to deserve this? She told me in the beginning that she wouldn't be the girl to just jump in bed with me, but that didn't stop the sting of rejection I still felt. Rejection was easily the most painful thing in my opinion and that was exactly why I didn't like to date in the first place. If I wanted to face rejection I would send a new manuscript to my editor.
"All right. Well I'll see myself out then so you can rest." I sighed, remembering that whole thing involving grace. "Call me."
"I will." Lilah said quietly, still not looking at me.
It was frustrating, but I would get over it. This was just a trial in the relationship and I wanted to be as understanding as I could be. Lilah had gone too deep under my skin to not keep trying as hard as I could. At the same time though, I just wanted her to open up to me.
It wasn't just about the sex either. That was an important part of it of course, but it wasn't the only part of it. She wouldn't let me get close to her intimately at all. She kept me at arm's length most of the time. Was she really that afraid of me based on reputation alone?
"Can we talk?"
I clasped my hand to my chest, surprised at Alex's sudden appearance as I left the house. I breathed in through my nose and let out a big exhale. "Please don't do that again." I replied.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Alex shrugged, "So can we talk?"
"What's this about?" I said shortly.
Alex sighed, "Do you have to make everything so damn difficult?"
"I suppose not." I said, cracking a grin in spite of myself. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
"This Lilah situation."
I laughed, but it held no humor. "There is no Lilah situation."
"Let's not kid ourselves. We both know that this relationship isn't going to last past the next few weeks. I would rather you pull back before she gets hurt. She's not like us, she's sensitive."
"What gives you the notion I'll hurt her at all?" I thought about giving back grace again and grit my teeth, trying to suppress the rage building in me from her accusations.
Alex sighed as if she had to deal with something that took great patience, "It probably won't be on purpose, but come on Marley, you're gonna get bored of her and then what? She's not enough for you."
"That's a pretty callous thing to say about your best friend." I scoffed.
"I'm just being honest." Alex said. "Besides, you're not that shy, naïve girl anymore. I know you have needs that have to be fulfilled and I can't guarantee that you'll be able to find release with Lilah. Has she even gone farther than kissing you yet?"
I didn't say anything and I didn't have to. The blush that rose in my cheeks said it all. There were plenty of instances in the brief time that we had been together when the passion burnt bright in me. Lilah was always quick to douse that flame though. The event that just transpired between us was a great example of that.
"That's what I thought." She said with a mocking grin.
"Why do you care what I do anyways? None of this should matter to you."
"I told you. I worry what will happen to Lilah." Alex shrugged, and then set me with a piercing gaze, "I also worry about you."
"You do?" This definitely caught me off guard.
"I can give you what you want." Alex said, moving dangerously close. "What you need. You've always known that."
I held my breath. This was what I had waited so long for. So many years without Alex and now she was here offering herself up on a silver platter. I came to my senses before I could make good on her proposal though.
"No." I said and stepped back, shaking my head. "Not like this."
Alex searched my face. Seeing how serious I was she backed off as well. Her brow pulled together tight over dark eyes. "Was it that easy to just get over me and move on?"
"Of course not!" I cried, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "I thought about you every day for years and years. I thought about you every time I wanted to be with someone, and I wouldn't let myself. But I got tired Alex."
"Why didn't you come back like you said? Why did you just turn your back for good?" Alex asked, her voice quavering. She sounded on the verge of tears.
"Honestly? I don't know." I sighed. "I shut out everything from my past. I'm sorry you were included in that."
She scoffed. "You make it really hard to hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." I assured her.
Alex laughed once and wiped at her eyes, "I really did miss you."
"I missed you too." I admitted.
Alex cracked a small smile and looked at me for a good long time before finally speaking again, "So it's serious with her?"
I nodded, "Yeah. I think it is."
"She's too good for you. I hope you know that." Alex stated. I wasn't the least bit offended either. She was absolutely right on that fact. Lilah was too good for me.
"I've known that for a while." I said with a chuckle. "Thankfully, people can change."
"Lucky for you." Alex scoffed and turned to walk back inside.
"Wait a sec!" I said loudly and Alex turned to look at me wordlessly. "Are we good?" I asked.
She gave me a scrutinizing stare for a few seconds and then she smiled. Smiled in a way that I hadn't seen from her either time I had been here. It was the smile of the eighteen year old girl I once knew.
"Yeah Webster, we're good." She said softly and resumed her course inside again.
As I watched Alex walk away I had to wonder if things would have turned out as well in that conversation if I hadn't listened to Tanya's advice. My best guess was no. I had the ability to be stubborn and pig headed sometimes. Hell, I had felt it coming on at one point while we talked even.
It never ceased to amaze me how little I actually knew. Despite how intelligent I claimed to be, I was still ignorant and foolish to so much.
November, 2004
I tapped my desk in anticipation, waiting for Ollie's call. Since Tanya had given me the Royal back I had completely discarded using my PC for any recreational writing. In fact I rewrote the entire manuscript that I had started on the old typewriter before taking the story any further. It was like there was magic in those ancient keys and they allowed me to tap into something I hadn't had in a very long time.
Just as I was wondering if I should try to write a little more on my new project Ollie called. I wanted him to just call my cell, but he preferred using video chat so that's what he forced on me. I wasn't as fond of that method because I had to show how engaged I was in the conversation and that was difficult sometimes.
"Hey there super star!" Ollie said with all the typical glee I had come to expect from him over the years.
"How's it goin' Ollie?" I asked, managing to smile a little more than usual at his pep.
"Well, I just got off the phone with the director and let me tell ya, he was blown away with your finished script. Couldn't say enough good things about it."
I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding and smiled, "That's a relief. If I never have to do another one again I'll be happy. It is not my medium."
"You wouldn't be able to tell with what you did. It's magnificent kid, truly." Ollie beamed.
"Well I've been hit with some new inspiration, so maybe that rubbed off on my later revisions."
Ollie raised a brow, "New inspiration? That sounds like a novel in the works."
"Maybe." I shrugged trying to stay casual. "Don't want to get anyone's hopes up but I may be bringing back a fan favorite."
"If you're doing another Archanon book you better tell me before it gets too serious." He warned me, "You know I want to read it first."
"We'll see." I said.
"I hear you've been doing quite well in other areas too, you know. Especially the more personal parts of your life." Ollie said, clearly baiting me.
"What are you talking about?" I hadn't told anyone about Lilah, and I especially hadn't told Ollie about the state of our relationship.
"Well word is that the most eligible young writer on the market has just been bought. Care to comment?" The smug smile Ollie wore brought me to a new level of irritation that I hadn't previously felt before with him.
"It's true." I said and then begrudgingly added, "Thank you for introducing us."
"I'm sorry, the program froze. What did you say?"
"I said you're pushing your luck old man." I grunted.
Ollie chuckled, "At this age I got to push it where I can."
I sighed, knowing I was doing that whole stubborn thing again, "Well thank you, really. I should trust your judgment more often."
"Well that's what makes me the best agent in the business Marley, my dear."
"I'll try to remember that next time you push me into something."
"Do that." He said with a point of his finger. "I've got stuff I need to take care of, but you stay on whatever creative roll you got going. Hear me?"
"I hear you." I told him.
"And if you are doing a new Archanon novel, let me know. I'm curious what loophole you're going to exploit to make it canon."
He hung up before I could respond and the smile I wore faltered. Hadn't I said that exact thing to Lilah about loopholes? Couldn't I just write without having to explain the how, why and where all the time?
I looked over at the typewriter sitting next to my desktop and frowned. The vigor I had for my new manuscript lost all life. I couldn't muster myself to even think about touching the keys with this doubt that Ollie had planted. He couldn't just shut up sometimes, could he?
I put my hands over my face and groaned. "Fuck."
The writer's block that came over me was so strong and sudden that I was shaken by it. Not in years had I felt a block as fierce as this. My temples started to pound as I tried to route around the possibilities of the loophole that Ollie had mentioned. How would I exploit such a thing to please absolutely everyone? How could I do it and still make the story work?
As the intense migraine came over me, I wished that I had chosen any other profession. I knew that was a silly thing to think, I couldn't just stop being a writer of course. You could slow down and get sloppy, but you never stopped-that was the magic of it. However the downside was beating your head against an imaginary wall like I was doing now.
There wouldn't be any forward progress when I was torturing my brain like this. I stood from the chair and left my office. A couple aspirin and a walk, that was sure to clear some things up. Then I could get back to work.
***
I didn't wait for Lilah to invite me over anymore before I went to see her. There had been a few times where I just showed up completely unannounced. Twice Lilah hadn't been there when I came to visit and somehow Alex and I ended up having very civil and pleasant conversations. It gave me hope that we could at least be friends again someday.
When I strolled down the sidewalk to Lilah and Alex's place the first thing I noticed was that both of them were sitting outside. Lilah was sitting at least. Alex looked like she was sliding back and forth somehow. On closer glance I noticed that Alex was standing on a skateboard and was shifting her hips back and forth to make the board slide from side to side.
I was surprised to see that Alex still skated. She had always told me that skating was her escape but I still figured she would hang it up when she got a little older. I watched her for a second longer, remembering all the times that I had seen her on a skateboard. She still had all the grace and confidence in her movement now as she did back then.
I didn't want to be caught awkwardly watching Alex so I got closer to them and raised a hand in greeting, "Hey there!"
Lilah beamed at my appearance and rushed over to throw her arms around me. I loved how she was always so enthusiastic to see me. She made me feel wanted whenever I was around.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. Just from her tone you could tell she didn't ask because she didn't want me around. Lilah thought that she wasn't worthy of my time. To me this was a completely ridiculous notion.
I shrugged, "Just in the neighborhood."
"Thirteen blocks away from your house with no car? A likely excuse Webby." Alex said and hopped off the board. She popped it up into her hand and walked over to where Lilah and I were standing.
"That's the whole truth and nothing but Sunshine." I replied with a grin.
I noticed Lilah wasn't smiling though. Something about the old connection that Alex and I were rekindling seemed to unnerve her. I wish there was a way that I could let her know that Alex would never make me love her any less.
"I'm guessing this is a long shot, but do you still skate?" Alex asked with a curious glance.
"It's been awhile." I said.
"You used to skate with them?" Lilah's demeanor changed from the pout she had just been wearing in an instant. She giggled beside me. "I just can't see it."
I raised a brow, "How come? Do I not look cool enough to you?"
Lilah shrugged, a wide smile plastered on her face now.
"Cool or not, Marley used to shred back in the day." Alex said.
"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment or not." I said and held my hand out to Alex. "Let me see that."
Alex handed me the board with a wide grin, I'm sure she was curious if I was about to eat cement. "No laughing from either of you when this goes south." I said over my shoulder and dropped the board to the ground. I put a foot on the board and rolled it back and forth, testing out the wheels. They felt fast under my feet.
"Here goes nothing." I muttered to myself and pushed off the ground. Even I expected to fall face forward, but I didn't. I wasn't as smooth or graceful as I used to be, but I still had the balance down.
There was something else that was still there too. That rush I got that cleared my mind of everything but the board under my feet. I remembered so many nights that I had gone out to skate just to help process through the writer's block or overwhelming thoughts.
I popped the front two wheels of the board up and balanced my weight back more, riding into a manual. I could only keep the board up for a few seconds before I had to slam it back down, but it was amazing that I could do that even.
Skating was still therapeutic, and with everything that I had been feeling since Ollie's phone call I could use some therapy. I was tired of the expectations of being a famous writer. I was tired of the attention. I was tired of the limitations.
I got out of the groove of skating when my adult brain shifted back to my problems in a way that my teenage brain never did. My feet shifted too far when I went to turn the board and I tumbled forward. That's what I got for dwelling.
"Marley!" I heard Lilah scream first, followed by the rushed footfalls of two individuals. At least Alex cared enough to check if I had killed myself. Or she just wanted to get her board before it rolled into traffic...