Gabrielle
"I put an ad on Craigslist Missed Connections for a girl I met for one second at a riot grrrl show in someone's loft. We'd been looking at each other all night and then she introduced herself to me before getting swept up by a crowd of moshing people who smelled like they didn't believe in deodorant. I thought it was really cool that she didn't mind being tossed around like that. She was wearing a red bandana low on her forehead and lots of black eyeliner. She looked like an andro Natalie Portman and she'd been staring at me as though she already knew we were going to sleep together. But, she left without saying anything more and so I found myself posting about it on CL the next morning. Not because of any sort of Cinderella fantasy; I thought she was hot and seemed really cool — way cooler than me, at least, which is always appealing. I figured she was the kind of girl who had been dating girls since she was 12, who would be assertive in her interest, who could read a map, and who could maybe fix my sink.
"She answered the ad about an hour after I posted it. She said she thought it was romantic. We were both under 21, so we met at a cafe and had tea. She talked the whole time, which was fine because I was too nervous, and then she followed me back to my apartment. When she saw the explosion of beauty products strewn across my dresser, she exclaimed, "You're such a girl!" She sounded disappointed. To be fair, at the time, I had a nearly-shaved head and mainly wore ripped jeans and tank tops. I was still my fairy-princess femme self on the inside, but was enjoying the experience of being visible to other queer women, through pretty standard visual signifiers. So, the fact that she didn't realize I would turn out to be 'such a girl' wasn't exactly her fault. Plus, I had said so little during our date — while I knew the basic outline of her life story, all she knew was that I was a good listener.
"We then proceeded to have what turned out to be super-awkward sex. It seemed that we each expected the other person to take charge. It also came to light that, despite her initial swagger, this was actually her first time. I found this to be extremely disappointing — but also feeling guilty about it. But it felt too late to turn back. When I woke up alone the next morning, she had left a note in careful script on a crumpled receipt that read, 'It was beautiful. You are beautiful.
'"I felt very confused. What had been beautiful about our anxious fumbling? If anything, it seemed to me that maybe she had gone into it expecting to have a beautiful experience from the moment she declared my CL ad romantic, and was determined to name it that regardless of what happened. We had both projected different things onto each other, and somehow our night together hadn't ruined her vision of me. I guess she was more committed to the fantasy of me than I was to the fantasy of her. She called me a few times and I didn't pick up, because I was young and didn't know how to politely turn someone down. It's been over five years, but I still see her every now and then at queer parties. We usually nod at each other, but that's it. We've both grown our hair out and are dating butches."
8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
Re: 8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
SunHee*
"I was moving out of New York in a week. I had never had a one-night stand. I was out with a few guy friends that I barely knew. The club was full of overeager young financial types, but I was lucky to be around a few 'nice' guys. My friend introduced me to a colleague of his. Apparently, we knew some of the same people from back home. Having mutual friends made us way too comfortable... we took way too many shots and danced way too close in public.
"I decided that this was my chance, that I could have that one-night stand with a nice guy, so I asked him if he lived alone and if he wanted to go to his place. His eyes opened wide. He grabbed my hands and we were in a cab in what felt like 30 seconds. He lived in a barely furnished apartment on the UES. We started fooling around and it was okay, but a little bit awkward. Something felt off that I couldn't quite pinpoint.
"And then, he asked me, 'Want to do it against the wall?!' I looked at him in disbelief. In a wave of panic, I realized that I was probably his first one-night stand as well, and that he probably had pretty limited sexual experience. When I wasn't going down on him before sex, he was genuinely surprised and said, 'You're not going to go down on me?!' That threw me off. I really couldn't see how anyone could just expect another person to give them head. He wanted to try all these things he'd heard about somewhere.... He spit out different poses and tried to position my legs all crazy. And, I remember thinking that if I was actually in a relationship with this guy, it would have been okay for him to ask me to try new things with him. But, I didn't trust him and I felt like his weird science experiment, which is what turned me off. Looking back, he was kind of my own experiment as well, so maybe we're even?
"Going in, I didn't think much about it. It was just something I wanted to experience, and I knew NYC was the place where it needed to happen. Afterward, I felt pretty stupid. I literally told people this was the stupidest thing I had ever done. Plus, having sex with someone I didn't actually like was boring. I haven't had a one-stand stand since."
"I was moving out of New York in a week. I had never had a one-night stand. I was out with a few guy friends that I barely knew. The club was full of overeager young financial types, but I was lucky to be around a few 'nice' guys. My friend introduced me to a colleague of his. Apparently, we knew some of the same people from back home. Having mutual friends made us way too comfortable... we took way too many shots and danced way too close in public.
"I decided that this was my chance, that I could have that one-night stand with a nice guy, so I asked him if he lived alone and if he wanted to go to his place. His eyes opened wide. He grabbed my hands and we were in a cab in what felt like 30 seconds. He lived in a barely furnished apartment on the UES. We started fooling around and it was okay, but a little bit awkward. Something felt off that I couldn't quite pinpoint.
"And then, he asked me, 'Want to do it against the wall?!' I looked at him in disbelief. In a wave of panic, I realized that I was probably his first one-night stand as well, and that he probably had pretty limited sexual experience. When I wasn't going down on him before sex, he was genuinely surprised and said, 'You're not going to go down on me?!' That threw me off. I really couldn't see how anyone could just expect another person to give them head. He wanted to try all these things he'd heard about somewhere.... He spit out different poses and tried to position my legs all crazy. And, I remember thinking that if I was actually in a relationship with this guy, it would have been okay for him to ask me to try new things with him. But, I didn't trust him and I felt like his weird science experiment, which is what turned me off. Looking back, he was kind of my own experiment as well, so maybe we're even?
"Going in, I didn't think much about it. It was just something I wanted to experience, and I knew NYC was the place where it needed to happen. Afterward, I felt pretty stupid. I literally told people this was the stupidest thing I had ever done. Plus, having sex with someone I didn't actually like was boring. I haven't had a one-stand stand since."
Re: 8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
Brittany
"I lost my virginity at a young age to the older boy across the street in the back seat of a car. It was in the park, in the middle of the day, in a planned meet-up during a run. He wanted it. I had a crush. And so I gave it to him. And it never happened again.
"The experience somewhat cheapened sex, which felt nonchalant to me after that. In some ways, that day set the precedent for my many sexual flings that have since ensued.
"The moment I go home with someone, I judge whether or not I truly think I can see something further developing with them. Do I really like this guy? Can I see myself telling him my deepest secrets? Putting my heart, body, mind, and soul in their hands? I genuinely believe that after a good first date or night out with someone, I know what my intention is for them.
"If my body wants it, but my heart and head say otherwise, then I know...I'm in for a one night stand. I manage my expectations for that person on the spot. It's okay if I never see him again, or if he doesn't call. I only sleep with someone on the first night if I don't particularly care whether or not I see them again. I know he won't be my forever prince, and therefore, will make him my knight for a night.
"Like last month, when an adorable guy showed me an apartment. We spoke for 30 minutes after the showing — it was flirty, fun. We met a week later for drinks in a charming, dimly lit corner bar. We talked about life, our families, and aspirations. There was a strong commonality and connection. We went back to his place. In the moment that we were moving from the couch to the bed, I judged the situation —whether or not I would go all the way with him. As charming as he was, my gut told me: He is not the one. And not because there was anything wrong with him. He was just missing something intangible that would reserve a place for him in my future. So, we had a one-night stand. The weirdest thing about it, though, was that throughout the entire sexual experience, his face kept changing. Every time I looked at him, he looked like someone different. Like he was wearing a camouflage image-changing suit, to hide his true identity. It was trippy and distracting. I figure it's because I didn't really know him. I wasn't used to his face. And movement.
"Since then, I've decided one nights stand are an impersonal affair encased in an intimate moment. They are an easy way to satisfy my desire for interpersonal connection. A way to protect myself from being vulnerable and susceptible to someone else's influence and power. A way to keep my emotions separate from my experience.
"I'm in my mid 20s with 50-plus sexual partners — from one night stands to long term relationships to week-long whirlwind flings. I've taken v-cards and stolen hearts. Mine has only been broken once. And since then, I see that how you give yourself to someone is just as important as who you give it to. Sex has two different roles — hedonist pleasure or intimate love. Don't expect longterm intimate love from a one-night stand if you want to avoid disappointment. And hold back if you want to hold on."
"I lost my virginity at a young age to the older boy across the street in the back seat of a car. It was in the park, in the middle of the day, in a planned meet-up during a run. He wanted it. I had a crush. And so I gave it to him. And it never happened again.
"The experience somewhat cheapened sex, which felt nonchalant to me after that. In some ways, that day set the precedent for my many sexual flings that have since ensued.
"The moment I go home with someone, I judge whether or not I truly think I can see something further developing with them. Do I really like this guy? Can I see myself telling him my deepest secrets? Putting my heart, body, mind, and soul in their hands? I genuinely believe that after a good first date or night out with someone, I know what my intention is for them.
"If my body wants it, but my heart and head say otherwise, then I know...I'm in for a one night stand. I manage my expectations for that person on the spot. It's okay if I never see him again, or if he doesn't call. I only sleep with someone on the first night if I don't particularly care whether or not I see them again. I know he won't be my forever prince, and therefore, will make him my knight for a night.
"Like last month, when an adorable guy showed me an apartment. We spoke for 30 minutes after the showing — it was flirty, fun. We met a week later for drinks in a charming, dimly lit corner bar. We talked about life, our families, and aspirations. There was a strong commonality and connection. We went back to his place. In the moment that we were moving from the couch to the bed, I judged the situation —whether or not I would go all the way with him. As charming as he was, my gut told me: He is not the one. And not because there was anything wrong with him. He was just missing something intangible that would reserve a place for him in my future. So, we had a one-night stand. The weirdest thing about it, though, was that throughout the entire sexual experience, his face kept changing. Every time I looked at him, he looked like someone different. Like he was wearing a camouflage image-changing suit, to hide his true identity. It was trippy and distracting. I figure it's because I didn't really know him. I wasn't used to his face. And movement.
"Since then, I've decided one nights stand are an impersonal affair encased in an intimate moment. They are an easy way to satisfy my desire for interpersonal connection. A way to protect myself from being vulnerable and susceptible to someone else's influence and power. A way to keep my emotions separate from my experience.
"I'm in my mid 20s with 50-plus sexual partners — from one night stands to long term relationships to week-long whirlwind flings. I've taken v-cards and stolen hearts. Mine has only been broken once. And since then, I see that how you give yourself to someone is just as important as who you give it to. Sex has two different roles — hedonist pleasure or intimate love. Don't expect longterm intimate love from a one-night stand if you want to avoid disappointment. And hold back if you want to hold on."