Mena
"I was apprehensive about sex as a teenager. I didn't feel ready, and I definitely harbored fairy-tale fantasies about my first time being with someone who felt like a soul mate. In college, I carried that with me, so I hooked up and went almost all the way, but never quite there. And by my early 20s, the weight of my inexperience held me back in relationships — out of fear of being discovered for this thing I was missing, this knowledge that I didn't have.
"Eventually, I slept with a guy about five dates in, and stopped seeing him a few dates after that. So, when I started seeing my next boyfriend, my experience was pretty limited. When that relationship, which had consisted of a lot of missionary sex and limited orgasms, ended six months later, I still didn't feel like I was where I was supposed to be, as an adult in charge of her own sexuality. I didn't really know how to ask for what I wanted, or really, how to figure out what I wanted, when I wasn't on my own.
"Essentially, I had lost my virginity at 26, so this moment of singledom felt like my opportunity to do something a little reckless. I joined OkCupid. I laid low for a while, emailing guys and going on some dates, but never feeling comfortable enough to go home with any of those men. And then I heard from a professor who was a few years older than me, and emailed him back just once before asking if he wanted to meet for a drink. He did. We went out on a Sunday night and hit it off. I didn't feel a real connection — or in all honesty, real chemistry — but I did feel pretty comfortable with him, having easy conversation and laughing a lot. Three drinks later, we left, made out in the street, and headed in the general direction of both our (conveniently neighboring) places. When he offhandedly was like, 'I don't supposed you want to come up, just for a drink,' I surprised him with a yes. We went up to his place, started making out, and things easily escalated. And for the first time, maybe because I didn't feel any real pressure or expectations, I was able to be more vocal about what I did and didn't like. I put his hands where I wanted them. I stopped worrying about whether the jiggle around my middle was going to be unattractive if I got on top. And ultimately, I still didn't orgasm that night, but I did change some of my own ideas and inhibitions around sex and intimacy.
"But still, the next morning, I woke up before 6 a.m. and felt really uncomfortable. I didn't want to be there. So, I lied about an early meeting, left, and never called him again. And he didn't call me, either. The only problem: Despite the fact that I didn't want to see this guy again, the fact that he clearly felt the same, and was on the same page as me, felt like tacit rejection. Which was hard. That's why I never did it again, but in a weird way, it's one of the most important things I've ever done for myself."
8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
Re: 8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
Katherine
"It was her first time. As in body shakes, hesitant hands, and overall timidity. But, let me back up and give a little back story.
"Rebecca and I were set up by mutual friends and we decided to meet up at old town bar on 18th street. I've found with lesbians (at least the ones I hang around) that the 'typical' one-night stand where two drunk strangers meet at a bar and go home together at 3 a.m. rarely happens. I guess reasonably sober conversation is needed first? I knew right off the bat that we had a connection. We had many mutual interests — art history, weird families, and a distrust of social norms, to start. So, I decided to do what a recently single girl does after three Heinekens — invite her back to my place. She rode on the back of my bike and we made it to my apartment around 2:30 a.m. I knew she was inexperienced, so I opted to take things slow. Instead of ripping off her clothes the moment we got in the door, I made her a drink and showed her around the apartment until we got to the bedroom. After some light making out, I noticed she was shaking and a bit unsure with her hands. I said to her, 'I don't want to pressure you, we can absolutely just go to bed if you want.' Her response was a simple 'No, I want to.' So, I kept going. It. Was. Terrible.
"The strange thing, though, was that I liked this girl. She was funny, intelligent, attractive, reasonably sane. All the things I'm usually a sucker for. But, from the very moment she reached to undo my bra, I knew it was doomed to fail."The next day, she texted me and said 'Last night was wonderful. We should hang out some time this week.' I never texted her back. I know what you're thinking; I am a complete douche. And no, it was not one of my finer moments but I have also never been good with disappointment. I just had no idea how to tell her that we were not ever going to see each other again because she was horrible in bed. My friends all said, 'But you could teach her right?' Let me tell you: Ain't nobody got time for that.
"We were all virgins at one point (I was significantly younger than 24, but still) and I think we all remember what those first touches felt like. But what happens when something you think is a one night stand, is someone else losing their v-card? (To clarify, I only found out much after the fact that she was in fact a virgin.) Is it your responsibility to let them down gently? Because chances are they are not going to be orgasm-inducing in bed. But then again, isn't that counter to the purpose of one-night stands? I have never had an orgasm from a one-night stand, yet I still continually have them. Why? I'd like to think its because I can. I'm young, single, reasonably attractive, and live in NYC, which means I could essentially have someone new every night of the week if I wanted to. Why would I? It's exciting. It's distracting. It is a good story to tell over brunch. Do they ever amount to much? In my experience, no. But do I regret any of them? Absolutely not. Not even with the virgin."
"It was her first time. As in body shakes, hesitant hands, and overall timidity. But, let me back up and give a little back story.
"Rebecca and I were set up by mutual friends and we decided to meet up at old town bar on 18th street. I've found with lesbians (at least the ones I hang around) that the 'typical' one-night stand where two drunk strangers meet at a bar and go home together at 3 a.m. rarely happens. I guess reasonably sober conversation is needed first? I knew right off the bat that we had a connection. We had many mutual interests — art history, weird families, and a distrust of social norms, to start. So, I decided to do what a recently single girl does after three Heinekens — invite her back to my place. She rode on the back of my bike and we made it to my apartment around 2:30 a.m. I knew she was inexperienced, so I opted to take things slow. Instead of ripping off her clothes the moment we got in the door, I made her a drink and showed her around the apartment until we got to the bedroom. After some light making out, I noticed she was shaking and a bit unsure with her hands. I said to her, 'I don't want to pressure you, we can absolutely just go to bed if you want.' Her response was a simple 'No, I want to.' So, I kept going. It. Was. Terrible.
"The strange thing, though, was that I liked this girl. She was funny, intelligent, attractive, reasonably sane. All the things I'm usually a sucker for. But, from the very moment she reached to undo my bra, I knew it was doomed to fail."The next day, she texted me and said 'Last night was wonderful. We should hang out some time this week.' I never texted her back. I know what you're thinking; I am a complete douche. And no, it was not one of my finer moments but I have also never been good with disappointment. I just had no idea how to tell her that we were not ever going to see each other again because she was horrible in bed. My friends all said, 'But you could teach her right?' Let me tell you: Ain't nobody got time for that.
"We were all virgins at one point (I was significantly younger than 24, but still) and I think we all remember what those first touches felt like. But what happens when something you think is a one night stand, is someone else losing their v-card? (To clarify, I only found out much after the fact that she was in fact a virgin.) Is it your responsibility to let them down gently? Because chances are they are not going to be orgasm-inducing in bed. But then again, isn't that counter to the purpose of one-night stands? I have never had an orgasm from a one-night stand, yet I still continually have them. Why? I'd like to think its because I can. I'm young, single, reasonably attractive, and live in NYC, which means I could essentially have someone new every night of the week if I wanted to. Why would I? It's exciting. It's distracting. It is a good story to tell over brunch. Do they ever amount to much? In my experience, no. But do I regret any of them? Absolutely not. Not even with the virgin."
Re: 8 True Stories Of One-Night Stands
Miriam*
"In my varied and rather random sexual history, I have had only one legitimate one-night stand. And, I’m pretty sure as far as those types of encounters go, I nailed it (pun intended). I met Jeremy* at a downtown bar I frequent on weekends when plans are lacking. This particular evening I was drinking with a friend and my sister, who were both visiting from out of town. We started talking to Jeremy and his friend about the basketball game and proceeded to verbally spar for the remainder of the evening. I wasn’t so much attracted to Jeremy physically — he was cute enough, but not really my type. He was about my height, which as shallow as it may seem, is usually a deal breaker.
"But, it was his personality that assured that my going home with him would be a good time, at the very least. I’m very cerebral and he had the ability to talk intelligently about an impressive range of topics. There was a certain ease to conversing with him. And, at around 1:30 a.m., he asked if I was going to go home with him (albeit, a little more crudely than that).
"This may have offended some girls, but I found his honesty and brazenness to be fun. There was no mistaking what this was and I was surprisingly more okay with that than I thought I would be. When we got back to his place, we shared a joint, which coupled with the amount of drinks we had had meant that I remember very little of the main event. Oops. But, when I woke in the morning, Jeremy was just as jovial as he had been the night before. We laid in bed for two hours and talked about our lives before I got dressed to leave. There was no exchange of numbers, although that wasn't the last time I saw him. We live in a small city and we have bumped into each other and sort of smiled but never spoken. And I am okay with that, too."
"In my varied and rather random sexual history, I have had only one legitimate one-night stand. And, I’m pretty sure as far as those types of encounters go, I nailed it (pun intended). I met Jeremy* at a downtown bar I frequent on weekends when plans are lacking. This particular evening I was drinking with a friend and my sister, who were both visiting from out of town. We started talking to Jeremy and his friend about the basketball game and proceeded to verbally spar for the remainder of the evening. I wasn’t so much attracted to Jeremy physically — he was cute enough, but not really my type. He was about my height, which as shallow as it may seem, is usually a deal breaker.
"But, it was his personality that assured that my going home with him would be a good time, at the very least. I’m very cerebral and he had the ability to talk intelligently about an impressive range of topics. There was a certain ease to conversing with him. And, at around 1:30 a.m., he asked if I was going to go home with him (albeit, a little more crudely than that).
"This may have offended some girls, but I found his honesty and brazenness to be fun. There was no mistaking what this was and I was surprisingly more okay with that than I thought I would be. When we got back to his place, we shared a joint, which coupled with the amount of drinks we had had meant that I remember very little of the main event. Oops. But, when I woke in the morning, Jeremy was just as jovial as he had been the night before. We laid in bed for two hours and talked about our lives before I got dressed to leave. There was no exchange of numbers, although that wasn't the last time I saw him. We live in a small city and we have bumped into each other and sort of smiled but never spoken. And I am okay with that, too."